Chapter 57
Julian raised his hand.
Just as he was about to knock, Rebecca’s voice came again.
“Don’t.”
“How do you know what I was going to do?”
“Don’t knock. Julian.”
“……”
“If you ask to be let in, I won’t be able to refuse. So don’t ask me. Right now, I can’t possibly face you.”
“Rebecca……”
“Sorry. You saved me, but this is how I repay you. Once I’m healed… once I return to my original self, let’s meet then. That will be the Rebecca you know.”
“You’re still Rebecca now.”
“Goodbye, Julian.”
Julian closed his mouth at the blunt farewell.
He remembered Rebecca whispering to Leo in the lilac garden.
‘Julian… What kind of expression would Julian make if he saw my face as it is now?’
He thought he understood why she was acting this way.
He wanted to say it was fine, that no matter what she looked like, it didn’t matter to him.
But he felt that even such words might wound her in her current state, so he couldn’t say anything at all.
She might take it as pity.
Julian crumpled the notebook in his hand. He swallowed the words he wanted to say and carefully chose others instead.
“I’ll come again. To… pick up the journal.”
No reply came from beyond the door.
Julian took the silence as tacit agreement and added, with sincerity:
“So don’t be in pain until then.”
As his presence faded away, Rebecca, who had been holding her breath with her ear pressed to the door, collapsed to the floor as if she’d crumpled.
He said he’d come again.
The thought of that made her feel both dread and a deep ache in her chest.
Rebecca quietly walked to her vanity and sat down.
Though her symptoms had improved, her face had not. Not in the slightest.
“Ah!”
As she traced her face, remembering how she once looked, one of the blisters burst under her touch.
The sharp sting made her brow furrow deeply.
Rebecca took a tissue, pressed it against the blister, and wiped it clean.
She stared blankly at the blood-stained tissue, then let out a bitter laugh.
There had been a time she loved her beautiful face, but at some point, she began to think of it as a curse.
If only she had been ordinary—so plain that people would glance past her without a second thought—she would never have had a reason to be brought back from death.
That belief had never changed.
Sometimes she even found the horrified reactions of others to her ruined face amusing.
But why, when she imagined Julian reacting the same way, was it unbearable?
Even in her previous life, when Zeppelin screamed at the sight of her blister-covered face, it had never hurt this much.
‘I want to look pretty.’
Even if the whole world pointed fingers at her ugliness, she wanted at least Julian to find her beautiful.
She wanted him to look at her with those golden eyes burning with warmth, to bring his gentle hands to her hair and caress her, and then press his lips—not just to her forehead, cheeks, and mouth, but all over her body.
Rebecca squeezed her eyes shut.
“It’s greed.”
She resented her heart for refusing to stop, even though she knew it was a desire she had to abandon.
Wouldn’t it be harmless just to think, just to imagine it alone in secret?
And yet, she feared that one day she might act on those thoughts.
Then she would fall hopelessly into him, be hurt, and hurt him in return.
“No. I can’t. I mustn’t.”
It was impossible.
They were fated never to be together until the end.
It was right not to even begin.
Rebecca slowly approached the window.
She heard the song of the fields.
With the pure sound of the wind came bright laughter drifting through her window.
Whenever Julian visited the house, the laughter from downstairs always grew louder.
He was like a magician, conjuring only the things that could bring happiness.
Rebecca rested her head weakly against the window.
She pictured herself with her family, and with him. Then she closed her eyes tightly.
“Oh my! You look absolutely stunning!”
Sandra clapped her hands and let out an exclamation of admiration.
And she truly meant it.
Alicia, dressed in a lavender gown the same shade as her hair, looked utterly charming.
“Really? Does it suit me?”
Alicia’s cheeks flushed red.
Instead of answering, Sandra just kept nodding enthusiastically while picking up beads to hold against the dress here and there.
Sandra’s dress shop was currently the most sought-after in the capital.
Bookings had to be made at least three months in advance, and even then, competition was fierce since it was first-come, first-served.
But the Devonshire household was an exception.
To Sandra, Rebecca had been a muse.
If she could make a dress for her, she would even delay appointments with the princess.
So when she heard that the Devonshire Count’s household had commissioned a custom gown, Sandra had been thrilled.
The rumors about Zeppelin and Rebecca’s divorce must have been false, she thought.
“Pleased to meet you. I’m Alicia.”
But when the Count’s carriage arrived, it was Alicia who stepped down.
Sandra was taken aback, but she couldn’t cancel the appointment, so she reluctantly welcomed Alicia into her shop.
Contrary to her worries, Alicia turned out to be a fairly good client.
Perhaps because she was a commoner, she was endlessly curious about everything, her innocent sparkling eyes even drawing smiles from Sandra at times.
But still…
Sandra missed Rebecca.
The thrill of making a gown perfectly tailored to her body was worth more than gold.
Sandra thought of herself as an artist before a businesswoman.
So when she saw Zeppelin today accompanying Alicia, it was only natural that she let out a quiet sigh.
The two seemed very close.
Then the divorce rumors must be true after all.
The gossip about the once-fantastic couple had been the talk of society.
It was everywhere she went.
Just this morning, the Marchioness of Petunia had been rambling on about it.
Opinions were divided: some sympathized with Rebecca, others said they understood Zeppelin.
Sandra thought it was a blessing that Rebecca had returned to her family home.
Since the Obelia family had withdrawn from society after their decline, Rebecca would be spared from hearing the cruel details people whispered.
The fragile Rebecca would never survive society’s sharp-edged tongues.
At any rate, it seemed a given now that Rebecca would not be seen again.
At that thought, Sandra’s expression darkened.
“Um, Lady Sandra?”
“Oh—yes.”
Alicia’s clear, bird-like voice jolted Sandra out of her thoughts.
Quickly, she put on her professional smile and turned back to Alicia.
“Would this dress suit me even if I were blonde?”
“…Pardon?”
“Well, I might dye my hair someday for a change of mood.”
“Ah. Of course. This gown will suit you well regardless, since it matches your eye color too.”
At that, Alicia glanced briefly at Zeppelin.
He was buried in a stack of papers spread over the ornate reception table, absorbed in his work.
She didn’t like that he wasn’t looking at her, but it was fine.
Just being in the capital with him was enough for Alicia.
After stamping the divorce papers with Rebecca at the temple, Zeppelin had carried on as if nothing had changed.
No—he had been even busier than before.
He managed the vineyard, expanded the hotel business.
He threw himself into work like a man possessed.
Everything was going smoothly. Life without Rebecca was fairly peaceful.
Only when people asked about the divorce did that peace get disturbed.
But Zeppelin would just smile vaguely and avoid answering, and peace would return again.
“My lord, do you like it?”
Alicia twirled gracefully, her smile meltingly sweet.
Zeppelin finally looked up at her.
She walked lightly, like a sparrow flitting, and came up behind him.
She massaged his tense shoulders.
Lately, Alicia did only the things she knew pleased him.
Zeppelin stroked her belly.
Feeling the small stirrings of life within, a faint smile tugged at his lips.
“Beautiful.”
That single word was enough.
Alicia’s face lit with satisfaction as she requested more designs from Sandra.
Now that Rebecca was gone, Alicia, for the first time since moving into the Count’s estate, felt happy.
Zeppelin acted like a caring father-to-be, and the servants no longer treated her poorly.
Now she could have whatever she wanted.
But sometimes, a gnawing unease crept in.
Her chillingly sharp intuition made her tremble.
For instance, when she caught Zeppelin staring blankly at Rebecca’s old room.
Or when he said something strange, like just now.
“Yes. We should buy jewelry to match that gown. Let’s stop by the jeweler’s on the corner after this.”
Alicia tilted her head.
“What? But we just went to the jeweler’s on the corner. Is there another one?”
Zeppelin froze.
Lately, his memory had been flickering—on and off like a faulty light bulb.
He retraced the day’s schedule in a daze, then chuckled.
“Ah. I must have misspoken, meaning the restaurant. Alicia, there’s a fine one nearby—let’s dine there tonight.”
He laughed awkwardly.
Alicia gave him an uneasy look.
But soon, Sandra returned with a dazzling gown, sweeping Alicia’s worries away.
“It’s raining.”
Rebecca paused from reading and lifted her head toward the large living room window that overlooked the garden.
Until just moments ago, the sun had been blazing, but now dark clouds had gathered and poured down heavy rain.
The wind grew fierce—it looked as if thunder and lightning would follow.
Come to think of it, Zeppelin used to shut himself in his room whenever it thundered.
Rumor had it he was afraid of storms.
Rebecca pictured him trembling in that spacious room, then shook her head.
Such sentimentality was useless.
Time slipped by relentlessly.
Tomorrow was the last day of the reconciliation period.
She had already sent her final divorce papers to the imperial palace in advance, but word came that Zeppelin’s side had not yet submitted theirs.
Surely, he wouldn’t try to overturn it?
