Chapter 42
Life Pledged as Collateral —
Howard came up close behind Irina.
“Count Kosat.”
“What.”
Even though he hadn’t touched her, heat pooled against her back. Irina twisted her body slightly with a laugh.
“Do you have regrets? Should I stay a little longer before I go?”
“Huh? No… do I? I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve just sold the title. Then at least I would’ve gotten some money out of it.”
Howard added with calm ease,
“I will pay a good price for it.”
Irina tilted her head back with a laugh.
She naturally leaned against his chest.
Startled, Irina quickly straightened her posture, but Howard didn’t seem bothered at all.
“You’re saying you’d buy it? Come on, then it wouldn’t mean anything.”
“At least it wouldn’t fall into someone else’s hands.”
“It’s just a title.”
“But it’s yours.”
Irina turned her body fully and lifted her head.
Facing each other like that, close enough that her forehead nearly brushed his chin, she felt neither overwhelmed nor flustered—just a sweet thrum of anticipation.
“…When you say things like that, it feels like we’ve gone back in time. This place too. Every time I said something back then, you always said I was right. Didn’t you?”
He used to be the good boy who catered to the arrogant princess.
His way had changed a little now—if anything, he was even gentler.
When they met again, he was someone far above Irina.
Yet he treated her so thoughtfully that she couldn’t even think of him as looking down on her.
“You were reckless, but you never did anything wrong.”
“I was never reckless!”
“You were.”
“When? Where? How? By whooo?”
Irina rose on her toes, shrinking the distance between them.
“Seems you’ve forgotten how you ended up seeing me again.”
“Howard. Look, the moon’s out.”
Irina suddenly pointed toward the window.
“…I don’t see anything.”
Sadly, the moon was half-hidden behind clouds, its light barely visible.
She had always shifted topics like this when he hit the mark or she ran out of excuses.
“Ugly people just can’t see it.”
“Is that so.”
Howard placed his hands on her waist and lifted her easily.
“Ah! Hey!”
Irina instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck.
Howard set her on the window ledge, his arms boxing her in.
Her back brushed the glass as she leaned back.
There was no way to run—forward or back.
Her heart already trembled enough that she’d unconsciously kept some distance.
Then suddenly, they were too close; heat rushed up her neck.
“W-what. Is this because I called you ugly?”
“Yes. That’s why. So hurry and tell me I’m handsome.”
Irina giggled and turned toward the window, narrowing her eyes to find the moon.
But she really couldn’t see it.
“Huh— it was there earlier.”
“Lies.”
“If I said it was, then it was. You’re going to have to listen to me better from now on.”
Irina leaned forward toward Howard, smiling playfully.
“Will I?”
Howard raised an eyebrow, matching her playfulness.
“Of course. If I sell the title, I can pay the debt. Then I won’t belong to you anymore, right?”
She traced her finger lightly across his upper chest as she spoke, voice edged like a threat.
Howard’s gaze followed her fingertip.
He caught her hand.
“So you’re going to cancel the marriage?”
“I’m considering it. Marrying someone older—turns out they’re too busy.”
She meant him, obviously.
“I think I’d like to try someone younger. Someone with time.”
“Oh dear. I suppose I should work harder, then.”
His composure didn’t crack in the slightest.
She threatened him again as he kissed the back of her hand.
“Scared yet?”
“Yes, I’m terrified.”
Irina narrowed her eyes and grinned.
“I’m joking. I won’t sell it. Father fought to keep that title. I still hate him, but I’ll keep it too. If I change my mind in a year, I’ll come back here. So behave—”
Howard chuckled softly.
Then he tugged her hand.
Irina’s body leaned toward him as if pulled by a string.
Their breaths mingled at that distance.
“But.”
“…What?”
“Younger? You had someone in mind already?”
“Huh? ‘Someone else’?”
Irina rolled her eyes.
Only one person came to mind on that topic.
“You mean Roan? I told you, he was just a friend.”
“He didn’t think of you as a friend.”
“Well, anyway, I never even kissed him. Never thought about that. Didn’t even hug him, I think. Right, never hugged him.”
“You didn’t say you never held hands.”
…Huh.
Irina’s lips parted.
“H-holding hands doesn’t mean anything. You can hold hands just walking past someone. It’s nothing.”
“It is to me.”
His firmness made Irina squint suspiciously.
“Oh really? If we’re counting like that, you’ve done worse. You kissed another woman’s hand right in front of me. That’s more intimate than holding hands.”
“…The moon’s out.”
Howard turned toward the window.
“Really? You bring up Roan first and now you avoid eye contact?”
Irina seized his face with both hands and made him look at her.
Gray eyes met golden ones head-on.
“…….”
“…….”
His hands supported her securely—she suddenly felt it very clearly.
And she forgot what she was saying.
Especially with their lips so close.
“My first kiss was with you.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“Because you were my first too.”
“…Howard. Then are you good at everything?”
Howard nearly burst out laughing.
Her clear eyes and naturally enticing lips, so close, asking such a pure question—right in front of a grown man built like a fortress.
But this was Irina; only she could do that.
He leaned back slightly, and her hands slipped down from his cheeks.
“No. There are things I can’t do.”
“What things?”
“I can’t say.”
“Why not?”
“You’d be disappointed.”
Irina frowned.
What could he possibly mean?
Her mind spun through possibilities. Since they were talking about kissing…
“…Wait. You can’t— at night? You can’t do that?”
She asked with such seriousness that Howard finally laughed, bumping his forehead lightly against hers.
“No. And where did you learn that? I never taught you.”
“You weren’t always next to me! Why do you think we fought? You disappeared! And at tea parties, they talk about those things sometimes!”
It was half excuse, half accusation.
And technically it was his fault for phrasing it that way.
“Hold on. So you can do that? How do you know?”
Curiosity led to jealousy, which led to more curiosity and jealousy.
“It’s not that.”
“Wait.”
A metallic clang! rang out somewhere.
A faint grunt followed.
Irina listened—sounds came from the training grounds out of sight.
“What is that? At this hour?”
Howard answered, voice level again.
“The knights trained daily. Their bodies must feel restless.”
“At this time? They’re really diligent. They should rest sometimes.”
Irina murmured, gaze drifting.
The clashing steel reminded her of the past.
“Howard. Why didn’t you become a knight? It was the fastest road to success. And you were good at it.”
Irina tilted her head.
He was incredibly skilled—she’d seen him beat house knights easily.
She hadn’t watched often, but she’d assumed he’d rise through that path.
He was far too talented to remain a servant of a noble house.
“Or did you think you’d become a duke?”
“That’s not it.”
“Then?”
“I hated that life.”
Irina blinked at his expression.
It wasn’t just serious—he looked genuinely pained.
She instinctively touched his cheek again.
“I didn’t know you hated it.”
Howard looked at her.
Because she was sitting on the window frame, their eyes were level, and she felt as if she might fall into his gaze.
“It’s alright.”
“I want you to officially inherit the dukedom soon. Even if everyone accepts it already, I want it to be formal.”
She didn’t want him to be looked down on again.
He touched her cheek, and with his other arm held her waist firmly as always.
“You don’t need to worry anymore.”
“How could I not?”
“Because I’ll take care of everything from now on…”
He drew her closer.
Her eyes drifted downward and then fluttered shut.
