Chapter 33
Life in Pawn
“The restaurant was too hot.”
Howard could see right away that Irina’s face was flushed red.
It was no wonder — with all the food and drinks going back and forth.
Howard boldly took Irina’s hand a little more firmly.
It was almost the first time he had ever reached for her hand like this first.
“I’m not that drunk.”
“You’re stumbling, aren’t you?”
“Nooo, it’s just because I’ve been sitting too long. It’s not as dark as I thought. I thought it was already night.”
“I wouldn’t have let you keep drinking that late anyway.”
“Yes, yes — Mr. Worrywart.”
Just then, a voice called out from behind.
“My lady!”
It was Casey, holding something in her hands.
“I thought you might catch a cold.”
Irina had gone out wearing only a thin dress, so Casey had hurried back to the room to fetch a light shawl.
“Thank you. You ran all the way here for this? Oh, Casey…”
Howard received the shawl instead of Irina.
“Hehe, then have a lovely evening!”
Casey put her hands together, gave a polite bow, and slipped back inside.
Howard draped the shawl skillfully over Irina’s shoulders and back.
“Everyone’s so worried all the time.”
A gentle breeze blew, sending Irina’s hair fluttering.
She tucked a strand behind her ear and took a step ahead.
The walking path Howard had suggested earlier was already lit with lanterns.
“Let’s walk. I want to walk.”
Howard followed quietly.
They simply walked for a while, hands intertwined.
The sound of an owl, the rhythm of their footsteps,
the rustling of leaves in the wind — all filled the air.
They had gone far enough that the laughter from the villa could no longer be heard.
“They all seem nice. Good people, I think.”
“……”
Irina was the first to speak.
“There were times I hated you — for all the years I didn’t know about your life. But now, seeing you surrounded by good people… I’m relieved.”
She smiled softly.
It was a smile she showed only when she thought kindly of him.
Knowing that better than anyone, Howard’s chest tightened.
“I must be too old to still worry like a child over you, Lady Irina.”
His tone came off a little curt, so Irina raised her lips into a playful grin.
“So, what — you want me to start calling you big brother now?”
Unaware that his ears had turned bright red, she teased him.
“Of course not.”
Then, after a pause, Howard finally spoke the words he’d long avoided.
“Please forgive me for leaving without a word, Lady Irina.”
The apology he hadn’t given when they reunited — it came only now.
Irina stopped walking for a moment.
She didn’t pull her hand away, instead stepping closer.
Howard was much taller, so she rose slightly on her toes to meet his eyes.
He truly looked regretful.
“You really are sorry, huh? Why only now?”
Her voice wasn’t scolding.
“There’s no excuse.”
“You disappeared twice, so I won’t forgive you that easily. Can I ask you something? Will you answer honestly?”
He had dodged her question back at the restaurant.
Though things between them had warmed again, there was still distance — not like before.
And Irina hated that distance.
Howard had once been hers, after all.
“I’ll answer whatever I can.”
“Did you leave because you wanted to… or because someone forced you to?”
For a time, she’d even suspected her father might have driven him away.
It wasn’t impossible — she had cared for Howard back then.
“I left because I wanted to.”
“Oh… really? I see.”
A relief — at least he hadn’t been cast out.
But still, the sting of hurt remained.
“So, the first time too? And the second?”
He stayed silent. That was answer enough.
“I see…”
Even though she got her answer, Irina’s voice faltered.
“There was something I had to do. Something unavoidable.”
“What was it?”
“I had to save someone.”
“Huh? You mean… save someone’s life?”
“Yes.”
Irina blinked in surprise.
Back when he had disappeared the first time, he’d been so young —
maybe ten years old at most.
“So… did you save them?”
Howard looked straight into her clear eyes.
After a moment of silence, he answered.
“Yes. I did.”
“Oh… I’m glad. That’s good. If it was something that important, you should’ve told me. When you just left like that, I…”
That day — her heart had been crushed.
Whether he was just a friend or more, he’d been precious to her.
If he had just given her some hint…
“I was lacking,” he said again, apologetically.
He added a few more details, but they weren’t stories Irina had known.
“Still, thank you for telling me now. Otherwise, I might have hated you forever.”
Irina hadn’t expected it to resolve this easily.
When they’d met again, she’d been furious — unable even to look at him.
“Lady Irina.”
She stopped walking at the sound of his voice.
“Yes?”
“Please… don’t cry.”
“…Huh?”
Howard took something from his inner pocket and handed it to her.
“What’s this?”
He didn’t answer — he wanted her to read it herself.
Irina unfolded the paper carefully.
It wasn’t hard to understand — the content was short and to the point,
and the light was bright enough to see clearly.
Written on the paper was the status — the life or death — of Irina’s biological father.
Even though she’d half-expected it, the shock hit her hard.
Maybe because she’d never been able to find his traces.
“…Ah.”
“If you wish, Lady Irina, you can return for a time,” Howard said gently.
“Return? To my home?”
“Wherever you choose.”
“Can you find out how my stepmother is doing?”
“She’s currently residing at the Count’s estate, as far as I know.”
Her father was gone.
Her stepmother remained in his place.
A surge of anger welled up.
“If I go back… what about my marriage?”
Howard had saved her from being sold off into marriage —
so what would happen if she returned?
“That’s not something you need to worry about.”
His tone was firm, full of confidence — trust me.
Irina hesitated for a long while.
Then Howard placed a hand on her shoulder.
She hadn’t realized how cold she’d been until his touch warmed her.
Irina looked up again.
“I’ll go. I want to see for myself.”
Howard promised to arrange everything so they could depart once she was ready.
After that, they simply walked in silence again —
Irina, to gather her feelings;
Howard, to comfort her.
“Shall we go back?”
Their stroll ended there.
Irina decided, for now, to forgive him.
The Next Morning
Everyone woke early, unable to sleep well in the unfamiliar beds.
Irina rose as sunlight streamed through the window.
The servants had decorated her bedroom so extravagantly the night before that it startled her.
The implication was obvious —
and embarrassingly blatant.
Irina hadn’t even thought of such things, so she’d been flustered.
Howard, on the other hand, had acted as if it were natural — saying he had a bit of work to do before resting.
So Irina had spent the night alone in that overly ornate bridal room.
Even when she briefly woke at dawn, he hadn’t returned.
He must have slept elsewhere.
Unusual for newlyweds perhaps —
but not unheard of among nobles.
Some even spent more nights with their lovers than with their own spouses.
“Good morning, my lady!”
“Yawn… morning, Casey—”
Irina stretched, yawning wide enough to make her eyes water.
She’d cried a little the night before.
Not much — but she hadn’t been able to be completely calm.
Still, when she got up, she smiled as brightly as ever.
“Casey, light clothes again today, please.”
“I thought you’d say that, so I prepared them already! But… you’re not going to fall into the water again, are you?”
Casey asked nervously.
“No, no. We’re going to the market today, remember? I need something comfortable for walking.”
When Irina finished getting ready and went downstairs, the knights were already returning from their morning drills.
“Amazing,” she murmured.
“Good morning, my lady!”
“Sir Haron, you look well. Everyone does.”
“Of course!”
Haron looked sharper than the day before.
The knights, dressed in light tunics, had wet hair — freshly washed after training.
Now sober, their relationship with Irina seemed to have reset once more.
There was only one building on the estate, so everyone inevitably ran into each other — but it wasn’t unpleasant.
After greeting her, the knights all rushed toward the dining hall.
“Did you train too?”
The last to enter was none other than Howard.
He wore a light white tunic shirt, hair half-wet and brushed back.
Irina approached him a little more warmly than usual.
