TMNGD 09

Chapter 09…

God has abandoned me.

No, in the first place, God never had me.

No, more fundamentally, I’ve never even believed in God. Yet in this moment, I had no choice but to cry out to a deity whose existence I wasn’t even sure of and make the sign of the cross over my chest.

My past, entangled with alcohol, flashed before my eyes like a revolving lantern. From the time I drank excessively with friends at twenty to gauge my tolerance, to the days I guzzled hangover cures under my sister’s scolding—those memories appeared faintly, half-opaque.

That day I drank makgeolli so deliciously, then woke up on a park bench at dawn, even promising my sister in writing:

“Sis, really! I swear! I won’t do it again. If I blackout again, it’s all on me!”

Woof.

“What are you talking about? You’ve always been a dog. Who the hell drinks without even knowing their phone is off? Oh my, that’s my sister? Do you want to go back to the beginning? Shall I bury you in the park where you used to sleep?”
“Ah, sis. Please, please! If I blackout again, I’ll be Minsu’s little brother, okay? Okay?”

From today, Minsu is the second child of our household.

Clutching my head with both hands didn’t help; the past wouldn’t just disappear. I wanted to bash my head in with a bottle. Kalian disappeared from view as if he had nothing more to say, and the servants, as if by some unspoken agreement, sealed their lips.

“××.”

I felt like I should ask, but part of me wanted to never know. From past experiences, nights where I drank until blacking out never ended quietly.

Either I would smash my own head or someone else’s. Thinking of Kalian’s face, it was probably someone else’s head—but who knew for sure?

My drinking habits were far from mild, which made this even more troubling. Who would’ve thought I’d get so wasted just from that much? Apparently, Adriana’s constitution is surprisingly vulnerable to alcohol.

Even as I washed, my head throbbed like a New Year’s bell. Countless hypotheses hovered in my mind.

Just forget it. Trying to piece together a blackout would only leave wounds and shame. If all I did was sing in the hall, that would be fine—but if I sang a love song in bed, then—

“Ah, ××.”

I imagined it. Spit!

For a few days, I holed up in my bedroom, even eating there, but I couldn’t keep doing that. Avoiding Kalian would only last so long. Maybe I caused a ruckus—but anyway, being in the capital and staying only in the mansion was a waste of time.

Most importantly, the day the rice was due to arrive was approaching. The order was large, so it took more time than expected, but a few days’ wait was fine. I needed to look into how to brew makgeolli properly, and also about the spell to summon things from another world.

“Are you going out?”

“Yes. I’m heading to the Imperial Library.”

“In that case, shall we—”

“No. I’ll go as I am. I don’t need a carriage. I’ll go alone.”

“Even with an escort—”

“Are there any restrictions for the Imperial Library?”

“None besides the Emperor’s permission. You, my lady, may always use it.”

“Then there’s no problem.”

The higher a noble’s rank, the closer their mansion was to the palace. Perhaps a real estate matter, perhaps not. Anyway, the distance from a high-ranking duke’s mansion to the palace could easily be covered without needing to prepare a carriage or escort.

Even if I arrived right in front, I might still take a carriage inside, but—

I tied my hair loosely and picked brown boots. Not exactly refined attire, but for the library, quiet, comfortable clothing was best.

Despite my tension, entering the library was easier than expected. Even before I could show a ring stamped with my family crest, someone who recognized Adriana welcomed me.

The library smelled dry and lethargic, the kind of scent accumulated from sunlight lingering on surfaces. Perhaps because so many banquets were happening in the capital, few people had come to the library.

Great, but with such large windows, won’t the books fade? The shelves were long enough to need ladders and extended underground. It was wide, but I was slightly overwhelmed seeing the guide map listing eight basement floors.

I dislike books. Text should be exciting with a clear beginning, middle, and end; theory books are tedious. Initially, I searched from the first floor to basement level three for books on another world, but nothing suitable appeared.

Judging by title and table of contents alone wasn’t enough. Seriously, why is there no search function in this library despite saints and useful resources?

After almost half a day underground, my head ached. I’d been holed up in my bedroom for days, eating only plain bread and soup, barely shaking off a hangover. I longed for a hearty bean sprout soup—yet here I was in a damp underground library wishing for a condom on my head.

Damn it.

Like I had threatened Kalian before arriving in the capital, I wanted to blow a trumpet or light a campfire in the library—but conscience prevailed. Lighting a fire amid all this paper would make me fuel too.

“Adriana?”

“Wh-Wa, Your Highness…”

I had my head down in the innermost stacks and ran into the little sun of the empire. As at the banquet, he was bright and composed. Not as ornate as before, but a simple shirt and black pants sufficed—beautiful beyond words.

He had just shed boyishness, which I liked. The northern duke, thirty-something Nari, exuded intense alpha-male energy, which felt a bit overwhelming. A peer was preferable.

“Did you get home okay last night?”

“Yes, I did—but why are you standing so far?”

Not out of courtesy, but at the far end—the distance at which we could still converse.

“Earlier, didn’t you come closer?”

“Ahaha…”

A half-hearted laugh, attempting to downplay the situation. I hugged three books and walked toward the crown prince. He slightly retreated, clearly noticing.

“Your Highness.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have something to say to me?”

“Uh, um, speak casually. As I said before, Kalian—”

“Alright. Arnen, do you have anything to say to me?”

“Uh, um—you really seem to enjoy drinking…”

Arnen’s gaze shifted to the books I was holding: History of Imperial Alcohol, Secrets of Alcohol You Didn’t Know, and 1500 Years of Brewing Techniques. All thick, dense books with no formatting.

“Yes, but why are you moving further away?”

“No, I’m not.”

Even saying that, Arnen avoided my gaze. Or perhaps refused to meet my eyes. His expression was subtly uneasy, unlike how Kalian normally looked at me. Something that, if ignored, would make me spring up from bed thinking, “What the hell was that look?”

“Uh—”

“Yes.”

Ah, like when you defend a friend who’s been an idol for ten years, thinking, Well, they’re really a good kid!

“Don’t worry about last night. It was a pleasant occasion, and you didn’t mean any harm. I’m fine, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”

Signals from my ancestral spirits rose from my lower abdomen and took over my mouth.

“…Uh, thank you for your kindness.”

“Of course. Next time, have tea with Kalian and me.”

They say that when you don’t understand a situation, just agreeing halfway gets you halfway. Combine that with the saying that staying still also gets you halfway. Together, it means, “Just agree and stay still, and everything passes.”

“I’d be happy to.”

Including your face, of course.

We parted cheerfully on the first floor. The library was emptier than before, and the sun had long set.

Carrying three thick books, I reviewed the mistakes I didn’t remember. My stomach was empty, and the cool air cleared my mind.

I danced, danced, then ate some finger foods—canapés and small cakes, followed by light apple wine. After drinking the apple wine, I moved on to the next drinks, finishing each glass in turn…

Ah.

Ah!

Ah…

Sh×.

…××.

I hit my forehead with the books I was holding, wishing I could return to five seconds ago, before knowing my past self.

The most delicious drink in the world? Makgeolli.

Second most delicious? Makgeolli mixed with soda.

Third? Chestnut makgeolli. Anyway, if you rank the tastiest drinks, what is the best one after makgeolli?

It’s the mixed drink.

Mixing beer with soju and cola, soju with green grape juice, blending clear, colorful cocktails in CMYK proportions—there is no taste as exquisite and thrilling.

So I mixed drinks like a madwoman in that hall. Pretending to uphold family dignity? Half-hearted at best. From the moment I twisted my ankle drifting while dancing with the crown prince, my dignity was probably under the glass.

Once the emperor and officials left, the hall became freer and more chaotic. The palace had many rooms, perfect for private or intimate moments.

While people gathered and dispersed, I steadfastly drank. The wine was milder than my territory’s, but its sweetness suited me, and the finish of the brandy was pleasant.

Someone probably tried to talk to me, but I was too busy dunking small glasses into large ones, creating foam.

I should have gone home calmly, but after drinking so much, my energy soared to the chandelier. The orchestra sounded like a 151,000 won performance in Korea—though being the royal orchestra, it’s priceless.

Anyway, the music was beautiful, the drinks delicious, and I felt amazing. I danced alone deeper into the hall.

“Adriana?”

Arnen Lilian, the crown prince and host of the banquet, saw it.

A ridiculous, absurd dance that doesn’t exist in this world. Shoulders creaking, hips swaying in all directions.

“Ah, Your Highness.”

Familiar colors: black hair, vivid green eyes, like—

“Minsu?”

There was Minsu. My cat, my baby!

“What? What did you just—”

“Minsu! Why are you here?”

Our Minsu! His black fur still shiny, muscles toned from running on his wheel all day.

“Our Minsu! You’ve grown so much!”

“Adriana?”

“Ah, but Minsu, are you drunk too? That’s not my name.”

“Um, uh?”

“Our Minsu doesn’t even know my name… I feed and clothe you, and… oh, my silly dog…”

“Uh, um?”

I held Minsu, now grown, and cried.

“Oh, Minsu! But why are you all bones?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, eat your food properly! Ah, I didn’t feed you… Your food should be here.”

I had to feed him! Looking down, I saw a mountain of food at my feet. Organic food my sister and I carefully chose, fifty thousand won more expensive than regular food!

“Minsu, let’s eat dinner.”

“Uh, that’s dirt—”

I put food in his mouth; the mischievous little thing waved his paws, probably going to scratch me.

“Even if you don’t want to, eat. There’s a time to eat. Here, ah!”

“Uh?”

He kept his mouth tightly shut, and the food fell. Normally he eats well—why today?

“Minsu, stop being stubborn!”

“But that’s dirt—”

As I tried to feed Minsu, a man approached rapidly. The more I looked, the more…

“What’s with that guy who looks like the Northern Duke…?”

“What?”

“Mom, he talks? He looks like he stepped out of a book.”