Chapter 65
The Jewel is Full of Scars
The moment Venerucia turned Senelia’s body around, the expression on her face—well… only those who saw it right then could know.
Because the expression Senelia had been wearing when no one was looking vanished as quickly as if someone had slapped a mask over her face.
Venerucia could not define the look he had just seen.
At that moment, Senelia seemed like someone who wasn’t even there.
If she could have, she would have disappeared, mingling with the jade, the wind, or whatever else existed.
So Venerucia could not undo the twisted expression he had glimpsed.
“Celli… were you always like that when I wasn’t around?”
Ah. Seeing Senelia’s expression made Venerucia feel like he couldn’t breathe.
Unlike the raw, naked face he had glimpsed for a fleeting moment, her calm face now left him speechless.
It was obvious who had made Senelia wear that expression.
Clifford had, and so had he.
It must have been the first time.
The first time Venerucia had felt such hatred for himself.
“…To have… that expression… and yet, in front of me…”
Venerucia should have known even once that Senelia had that face.
If he had, he would never have uttered words like promising to make up for her lost time.
Catching moments like this from Senelia was not difficult for Venerucia.
If he reduced his presence even slightly, she, lost in thought, would not notice him.
Even if it wasn’t that, Senelia surely would have noticed him watching her the way he observed her sleepless nights.
Eight years. Eight long years.
“…Your Highness, what’s wrong?”
Senelia couldn’t understand the Venerucia who seemed ready to collapse.
Instead, she cupped his cheeks with her hands, as if she were the one worrying, and made him look at her.
“Is something the matter?”
Her calm voice reached him.
And the more she spoke, the more his expression hardened.
Senelia had always been like this.
Always quiet, yet whenever something happened to Venerucia, she noticed it immediately and offered comfort.
She had done this every day for eight years, while he had failed to do the same every day.
And yet, Venerucia had had the audacity to tell her he loved her.
Ah, she would never know.
Ordinary people never make faces that seem to want to fall to the terrace below, looking down with such longing.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
Senelia had deceived him.
Of course, as a human, he was angry at being deceived.
Especially when the one he loved had been deceiving him for eight years.
So after Clifford had left, he didn’t look for Senelia.
It wasn’t that she had come to him to make excuses either.
Before he came to her room, he had even planned to scold her about it.
Venerucia had not told Senelia about the wedding’s postponement himself, intending to make her come to him first out of stubbornness and pique.
But even that didn’t work, and now, Venerucia wanted to shout at her: How could she never come to him, even now?
Why am I so desperate to be loved by you,
And yet, why are you so indifferent?
“Celli… Celli…”
Venerucia hugged Senelia tightly, unable to say a word.
Indifferent.
He knew better than anyone the kind of person Clifford was.
Clifford used people as tools, treated them like dogs, and tightened the leash however he pleased.
Clifford showed no mercy, whether to the weak or the strong.
And yet, Senelia, an ordinary young lady, had endured that for eight years.
How could she have had the luxury to cling to the love of a man who never understood that pain?
The anger at being deceived for so long was sharp, but the pain at seeing her endure that humiliation for so many years pierced him even deeper.
Only now, only after eight years.
“…Your Highness, really, is something the matter?”
Senelia hugged Venerucia as if it were natural, patting his back.
As always, she never asked him anything.
She didn’t ask why he hadn’t opposed Clifford postponing the wedding.
Because Venerucia had always been like that.
Even the night he drunkenly called out Lucalina’s name in their shared bed, even when gifts meant for Lucalina were discovered in the mansion, even when scandals arose—
Venerucia had never once explained.
So she never asked.
As Clifford had said, she was supposed to remain by Venerucia’s side, no matter what.
Senelia Daphne, who never asked Venerucia anything, expected nothing, and never said she loved him—
That was the trace of Senelia that Venerucia had chipped away.
Congratulations, Venerucia Apron.
You’ve obtained the perfect puppet-like lover you wanted.
The arrogant self from the previous day mocked the current self.
Until now, the reason Venerucia had made a lover, while believing he loved Lucalina, had only been one:
A shield to hide Lucalina from Clifford’s eyes.
A puppet lover to prevent anyone from discovering Venerucia’s love for Lucalina.
Not as people, but simply a necessity.
He had still thought it was fine.
He could be the perfect lover for those who were to be his partners, granting them wealth and honor.
Arrogant.
Completely.
Now, Senelia perfectly met those conditions.
Yet the way he had arbitrarily cut her image, though it matched what the previous day’s Venerucia desired, could not be called beautiful at all.
As with jewels, beautifully cut surfaces can appear only as scars to a human.
The tower of faith built on Venerucia’s arrogance collapsed.
No matter what he did in the future, he could never fully compensate Senelia for what she had lost.
“Celli… should I… kill the Emperor for you?”
So Venerucia asked instead.
Clifford held Senelia’s life in his hands.
Now, for Senelia’s sake, Venerucia could even stake his life to cut the leash binding her to Clifford.
He remembered Lucalina’s words about a future war between him and Clifford.
Indeed, he thought, the cause of the war must have been him.
Venerucia Apron, who could point a sword at the Emperor despite knowing countless lives would be caught in the conflict, simply because he loved someone.
That madman was himself.
Thud.
Yet even that was just Venerucia’s arrogance.
Because Senelia’s expression as she pushed his hand away was full of shock.
“You… mean you’ll go to war?”
Her expression was firmer than ever.
Clifford would never simply let Venerucia kill him.
Venerucia saying he would kill Clifford was tantamount to declaring war.
Only then did he realize that she did not want war.
The man who had built a lifetime of arrogance still could not completely shed it in moments like these.
He believed his judgment was what was best for Senelia, and spoke as he pleased.
“For whom? If there’s a war, strong people like Your Highness or Sir Elian will survive. But what about ordinary people like me?”
Senelia could be protected by Venerucia.
But he could not protect everyone.
At least, he understood that the ordinary people she spoke of were not limited to Senelia.
He didn’t have to look far.
She loved the Daphne territory.
Even if Venerucia could somehow protect her mother, he could not protect everything within the territory.
Doing so would only be a weakness in war.
Whether it was servants Senelia knew, the territory’s residents, or close friends in the neighborhood—
Everyone else, except Senelia, could die if war broke out.
She had pointed this out.
So Venerucia was left speechless.
Even his brother Clifford, and his friend Lucalina, were all Swordmasters.
Venerucia had grown up among knights, so most of the people around him had at least some combat ability.
As for the people in the Duke’s mansion, the Duke’s knights would protect them.
In short, Venerucia had never been in the position of a weak person.
The only person who could restrain him was Clifford—and if Venerucia chose to win by any means in war, he could.
So he could never fully understand Senelia.
Only now did he realize it.
Venerucia had thought he could do anything for Senelia.
Even that had been his arrogance.
“…Then, what can I do for you?”
In the end, Venerucia asked with a face full of despair.
At this moment, he truly could not know anything.
