Chapter 27
Ironically, Senelia realized that she had endured all these years precisely because of the way Benelucia had treated her over the past eight years.
Because anyway, Benelucia Afron would always love Lucalina Elian.
Because anyway, he wasn’t interested in her.
Because anyway, Benelucia could never truly belong to Senelia.
Benelucia had made that abundantly clear himself. And so, Senelia only loved him just enough to be able to give it up if she needed to.
From now on, she must not love Benelucia more than that.
That way, even if the male lead, Benelucia Afron, said he still loved the female lead, Lucalina Elian… even if Cliff forced her to act as Benelucia’s leash, she could pretend to be okay with it.
But if Benelucia truly decided to make her fall in love with him, then her feelings would cross the line.
Perhaps, eight years ago, Senelia might have been thrilled by his words. She might have deluded herself into thinking he had chosen her over Lucalina.
But the Senelia of eight years later no longer dreamed.
She could no longer be who she was eight years ago.
Senelia had to protect herself.
“If Your Highness wishes, I can go to my mother right now and say we’re getting married.”
Senelia stepped closer to Benelucia.
She truly didn’t want to love this man any more than she already did.
Senelia placed her hand on his cheek. Her expression looked so desperate that he couldn’t utter a single word.
“If Your Highness wishes, we could even kiss.”
Her head tilted toward him.
Her lips briefly touched his, then pulled away.
Benelucia froze. It had been so long since he had felt her like this that—ridiculously—it tasted sweet even in such a moment.
He felt like a boy experiencing his first kiss again. Absurd. But love was just like that.
While he stood stunned, Senelia didn’t stop.
Dressed lightly due to her busy schedule, Senelia gently pushed Benelucia onto the sofa.
Kneeling on the couch above him, she looked down.
The sofa wasn’t particularly wide, so it was natural their warmth brushed against each other.
That heat alone was enough to remind them of all the time they’d shared.
Then Senelia guided Benelucia’s hand to the ribbon of her dress.
“If Your Highness wishes… even more is possible.”
Senelia’s words flowed as if she were reading a prepared script—without a hint of hesitation.
Benelucia’s mood instantly plummeted.
No, that wasn’t enough.
He felt utterly wretched.
Every time he saw Senelia like this, it was as if a black mass lodged itself in his throat.
“Selie, don’t talk about yourself like that.”
But Senelia only laughed bitterly and continued with her biting sarcasm.
Lucalina’s sudden appearance, the news of her father’s death, and her mother’s subsequent resentment.
Above all, Benelucia saying he would try to make her love him had driven her to the edge.
“Your Highness, don’t deny it. Except for the fact that I occupied your bed these past eight years, there’s nothing left between us.”
For one year, Senelia hovered around Benelucia one-sidedly.
For the next year, she climbed into his bed.
And for the following six years, though they were lovers, there were no words of love, no promises of marriage.
She wasn’t his lover or fiancée. So in the end, what remained between them was just that.
It was terribly miserable, but even that had become her daily life.
“I know my place very well.”
It sounded like something she’d said before.
But this time, it was tinged with far more desperation.
Senelia sincerely wished—
“I won’t dare speak of love to Your Highness.”
That she wouldn’t end up loving him so much that she couldn’t help but say she loved him.
She hoped and hoped.
Benelucia’s face crumpled.
Senelia didn’t blame him.
But by choosing not to blame him and instead degrading herself so easily, she forced him to face his guilt in full.
Senelia, as she was now, was a remnant of the past.
Eight long years with no clarity—neither truly a lover nor a fiancée. Senelia had endured it all. She’d become someone who couldn’t even dare to say the word love.
And that—every bit of it—was the sin Benelucia had left behind.
Benelucia once again had to admit his arrogance.
An arrogant man thought that it was enough to love, even if his lover didn’t forgive him.
But what was not okay wasn’t the man—it was his lover.
“I was wrong.”
Benelucia pulled Senelia into his arms and buried his head into her shoulder.
He couldn’t bear to see her speak so easily, so cruelly about herself.
He couldn’t breathe. How could he have wanted to see her reaction? How self-deceptive.
He had no right to handle this. It was all just bravado.
Still, Benelucia didn’t let her go. He held her even tighter.
Benelucia Afron was arrogant, and it had always been natural for him to have everything he wanted.
That’s how he had lived.
People don’t change easily, and their nature is the same no matter the time.
“So please… don’t give up on loving me, Selie. I’ll repay you again and again. Please.”
As he faced his guilt, Benelucia shamelessly realized just how desperately he still wanted her.
He still wanted to have her. He loved her.
“I’ll formally send a proposal to the viscount family. And I’ll prepare the grandest wedding so everyone knows you’re mine. I’ll do everything so you’ll never feel you’re ‘daring’ to accept it.”
Senelia let out a self-mocking laugh. The fear that had briefly seized her melted away.
See? No matter how much Benelucia begged, in the end, he was just asking her to love him the way he wanted.
Benelucia said he would try to make her love him again, but in the end, it was his desire—not her heart—that came first.
So no matter how hard he tried, Senelia, who remembered how blindly he once loved Lucalina, could not allow herself false hope.
Just as she wasn’t Lucalina Elian, Benelucia was no longer the man who loved Lucalina.
Senelia chuckled bitterly at her own foolish fears.
“Do as Your Highness wishes.”
Once the fear passed, reason returned. Senelia simply nodded.
She judged that his love couldn’t be completely false—not if he was doing all this. But she couldn’t completely believe it either.
If Benelucia’s love for Lucalina had been blind devotion, then his love for Senelia was possession.
Senelia smiled bitterly. Even that difference, she was grateful for.
After all, she needed to be by Benelucia’s side.
At her agreement, Benelucia looked at her with a glimmer of hope.
Senelia thought he sure switched gears quickly for someone who was just begging for forgiveness.
Ridiculously, he still hadn’t given up hope that she would love him again. That was so like Benelucia.
He must’ve always been easily forgiven, easily loved, no matter what he did.
It didn’t even disgust her anymore. So Senelia simply let him have that hope.
Because only with that hope would Benelucia continue to choose her instead of Lucalina.
* * *
As Benelucia had promised to try, he began visiting Senelia’s room frequently after that day.
She thought, At last, I’ll be able to marry Benelucia.
But the next morning, both she and he had to face an unexpected situation.
“Your Highness, I’m sorry, but we cannot accept this marriage proposal.”
Because Senelia’s mother had personally returned the proposal to Benelucia.
And Senelia realized—this was what her mother had meant.
It was something she had never predicted.
She had thought her mother’s disapproval of her return to the capital stemmed from Senelia wasting her time.
But she was wrong.
Her mother hadn’t opposed her going back to the capital—she had opposed Benelucia Afron.
“You’re rejecting my proposal? Why?”
Benelucia frowned as he asked.
Clearly, he hadn’t expected his proposal to be returned.
Rejecting a royal’s marriage proposal was a grave insult.
If they pursued a charge of insulting royalty, the viscount family would have no way to escape.
Besides, at Senelia’s age, no one would be a better match than Benelucia.
And regardless of all that, Benelucia was the most eligible bachelor in the country, second only to the emperor.
So for the viscountess to reject his proposal was inexplicable in many ways.
But the viscountess’s stance was firm.
