Chapter 13 – 9. I Had to Apologize
Although she managed to hold herself together out of sheer habit from the past eight years, Senelia was completely disoriented after Benelucia left.
“…What should I do?”
She bit her lips in anxiety.
Even after all these nine years, she still couldn’t erase Benelucia’s first love from his heart.
Senelia, who knew the original story, was painfully aware of how irreplaceable Lucalina Ellihan was to him.
If she had ever believed she could become a love to replace Lucalina, she wouldn’t have struggled so desperately to become someone Benelucia needed.
That’s why, to Senelia, every single year—every moment—mattered.
Like a gentle drizzle soaking in unnoticed, she believed her only way was to prove her necessity by staying at Benelucia’s side.
‘After holding on for eight years…’
Despair clouded Senelia’s face.
The final year was supposed to be when Benelucia would feel her absence.
If he couldn’t endure the emptiness left by what she had built up over eight years, that would mean her plan had succeeded.
‘Should I have left earlier?’
She buried her face in her hands.
Her head spun dizzyingly.
Even as each year passed, Senelia had never been able to feel secure in Benelucia’s love.
He was the kind of man who never clung to someone once they left.
He was her only chance at survival, and she couldn’t afford to ruin that chance with a rash breakup.
So she delayed it again and again. In other words, she endured and endured.
If the price of that delay was Lucalina Ellihan’s return—then that was an unimaginably cruel twist.
“Young Lady…!”
The head maid, who had come to check on her, raised her voice in alarm.
Startled, Senelia lifted her head, finally noticing someone had entered the room.
“Young Lady, your lips… Oh my goodness…”
Panicked, the maid rushed over with a handkerchief to wipe Senelia’s lips.
“You bit them so badly, they’re covered in blood! Didn’t it hurt?”
Senelia, who had been blankly staring, only now noticed the stinging pain.
She looked down at the handkerchief. Considering how much blood there was, it seemed she had chewed them without realizing how torn they’d become.
She let go of her lips.
Her whole body suddenly felt drained of strength.
It was pathetic—how one name, Lucalina, could shake her so completely.
But Senelia had no time to indulge in self-loathing.
Tap. Tap tap.
“Ah… What’s with that bird?”
A white bird was pecking at the window from outside.
Senelia’s face went pale.
Still, she opened her mouth.
Standing still wasn’t a luxury she was allowed.
“I need to rest, Head Maid. Leave me. I’m going to sleep, so keep everyone away from the room.”
“But Young Lady, you just woke up…”
The maid responded in a concerned tone.
Collapsing from shortness of breath was a serious strain on the body.
Normally, the maid would have stayed close to tend to her.
But this time, Senelia refused.
Tap tap. Tap tap tap.
The bird’s pecking grew more urgent, as if its master was hurrying it along.
“Head Maid, I said I’m tired.”
Feeling chased, Senelia’s tone turned sharp.
Startled by this unfamiliar irritation, the maid flinched.
Senelia, realizing her behavior was unlike her usual self, felt her expression darken even further.
“…Then rest well, Young Lady.”
The maid forced a smile, bowed, and left the room.
The fact that she had lashed out at someone who sincerely cared for her—one of the few in the capital—weighed heavily on Senelia’s heart.
Still, the one who came without notice didn’t seem bothered at all, and spoke nonchalantly.
“My dog has learned to keep its master waiting.”
Senelia turned around and dropped to her knees.
Despite the carpet, the chill of the marble floor seeped into her skin.
She was almost grateful.
It helped her regain her senses in front of Cliff.
“I apologize. It was presumptuous of me to keep Your Majesty waiting. Please forgive me.”
Today, more than ever, resentment welled up inside her.
Cliff had come of his own accord. And yet she had to apologize, had to beg forgiveness.
What had she done so wrong?
“Forgiveness, is it?”
Cliff’s voice came from up close.
He, rare as it was, knelt to meet her eyes on the same level.
“You don’t seem to believe you’ve done anything wrong.”
“Gasp…!”
The moment their eyes met, Senelia inhaled sharply.
Cliff Heliossa was that kind of man.
Just meeting his gaze, just being near him, could choke the air from your lungs.
Senelia quickly lowered her head to the floor.
Thankfully, the carpet was soft enough to cushion her.
“How could I, Your Majesty… My life belongs to you.”
Senelia’s voice was desperate as she denied his words.
Inside, she cursed herself endlessly.
How could she harbor such thoughts in front of this snake of a man who could see right through others?
What was an apology compared to her life? She could do it a hundred, a thousand times.
“…Hmm.”
Just one small sound from Cliff made her body tremble.
Even though her mind said he wouldn’t kill her—she was still a useful pawn—anxiety doubled in the face of uncertainty.
‘What if… I’m no longer needed?’
Lucalina Ellihan had returned. How certain could she be of her continued “usefulness” now?
That fear completely overtook her.
“Enough.”
Senelia flinched hard.
Cliff had reached out and lifted her chin with his hand.
Pretending to be kind, he gently cupped her cheek and continued.
“I heard you’ve been unwell. Stand up. I’m not so cruel as to let my precious dog stay on the cold floor.”
His voice sounded gentle, but Senelia immediately recognized the trap hidden in his words.
No matter how “precious” she was… she was still just Cliff Heliossa’s “dog.”
Despite knowing she was sick, he had come unannounced and acted like this—that was exactly how one would treat a dog.
She obeyed and rose to her feet.
Bowing her head, she responded.
“I thank Your Majesty for your boundless grace.”
But instead of humiliation, what she felt now was overwhelming misery.
Eight years. That time had buried her pride and even her sense of shame.
Seeing that his “dog” had returned to her proper place after briefly rebelling, Cliff smiled in satisfaction.
“I hear Lucalina Ellihan has returned.”
He spoke.
After knowing the emperor for eight years, Senelia had expected he might come once he heard the news.
“What will you do about it?”
As expected, Cliff was here to tighten her leash.
If Benelucia hadn’t rushed to her after hearing she’d collapsed, Cliff might have come even earlier and forced her awake.
Surviving beside a man who never loved her for eight years had made her ill in ways no doctor could treat.
And yet, in this moment—she missed him.
The one man who had been her only salvation all this time: Benelucia.
“I…”
Senelia trailed off.
It hadn’t even been a few hours since she regained consciousness.
Lucalina’s return had been sudden and completely unexpected.
How could she possibly have a plan ready in that brief time?
Half out of her mind, she thought it would’ve been better if she hadn’t woken up at all.
Then her thoughts turned back to Benelucia.
If only she hadn’t let him go… If she had held on longer… She wouldn’t be facing Cliff unprepared like this.
“Surely you’re not going to tell me you’ve made no plans?”
Anyone would feel wronged at such a question.
Lucalina had only just returned—how could he expect her to already have something ready?
But Senelia didn’t repeat her earlier mistake of showing resistance before Cliff.
“I’m too foolish to know what Your Majesty wishes from me.”
She answered obediently.
After all, the fact that he came meant he already had something specific in mind.
Her input didn’t matter.
“I will give you two options.”
As always, her guess was right.
Of course the emperor wouldn’t come just for nothing.
“First, get a definite confession of love from Benelucia right now.”
Senelia barely held back a bitter laugh.
Lucalina had just returned, and he wanted her to get a love confession?
He was clearly giving her an impossible task on purpose.
“And the second option?” she asked.
