~Chapter 84~
“…So, what I mean is.”
I smiled softly at Fabian and continued.
“Fabian, how about we try dating?”
“….”
“I know it might feel like pressure. But I also don’t know if these feelings are really true yet. That’s why—I want to confirm them.”
Fabian looked at me with unreadable eyes.
“So…”
The way his sharp gaze focused on me made me shrink inside.
“If we try dating, then…”
“….”
“I’d like that…”
Ah, I’m trembling so much…
As soon as I awkwardly finished speaking, silence fell between us.
My heart was racing so wildly it almost felt like a mana outburst.
Fabian frowned slightly, still staring at me with that same expression I couldn’t read—like he had frozen in place.
After a long moment, he finally spoke.
“Didn’t you say before you only wanted to stay as a friend without attachment?”
“That was…”
“Coming out with something like this so suddenly—it’s troubling, Lady Hartmann.”
My heart dropped.
I had expected rejection, but his tone was so cold.
“I’m not interested in being introduced to any lady. With my situation, you should already know what my answer would be.”
“….”
“Of course… I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you just said either.”
He gripped his cloak as if ready to leave.
I quickly called out.
“Fabian, didn’t you say you wanted to escape from your emotionless life?”
“….”
“You don’t always need your heart to lead you to someone. We could just… try it lightly. Maybe it could help you too. It wouldn’t be that different from being friends…”
“For now.”
Before I could finish, Fabian cut me off.
“For now, unless it’s urgent, let’s not see each other.”
With that, he flicked his cloak, and vanished into the fading sunset.
“….”
I just stood there, staring at the place where he had been.
“Haah…”
I rolled on my bed, sighing over and over.
After Fabian left, my body relaxed, but tension still weighed on me.
“…Maybe I shouldn’t have confessed.”
Of course, I hadn’t really expected him to accept it.
But still… I didn’t think I’d be rejected so harshly!
[Coming out with something like this so suddenly—it’s troubling, Lady Hartmann.]
[I’m not interested in being introduced to any lady. You already know what my answer would be.]
I’d thought about this before—Fabian’s tone often carried sharp strength.
Cold, almost cynical, like someone who watched human lives from a distance.
Sometimes he seemed to lack empathy, and yet other times, he could be unexpectedly gentle. He was a man full of contradictions.
Either way, he must have been flustered.
I was too—my own feelings had surprised me so much.
Would things be awkward between us now?
…No.
I shook my head. I wouldn’t regret it.
At least this way, I didn’t have to write a cowardly fake reply on his behalf.
Biting my lip, I clenched my fist and stood up.
I took out the letter I had kept hidden in my pocket—Fabian’s supposed refusal—and finally sent it to Lady Elina through carrier pigeon.
Right then, my stomach growled. It was time for dinner.
As I walked down the stairs toward the dining hall, I suddenly heard voices.
“Do you think His Highness the Crown Prince’s method will really work?”
I stopped walking. The voices were coming from inside Father’s office.
Peeking through the slightly open door, I saw my parents speaking together.
“Irene’s relationship with us seems better, but… she still doesn’t seem willing to change her mind. I’m worried.”
“His Highness also seemed concerned. Maybe our efforts aren’t enough yet. Let’s keep trying.”
“What if she never changes her mind? I’m growing more anxious every day. If Irene still refuses, then…”
“What is this?”
Before I realized it, I had flung the door open.
My parents turned around, startled.
“…Irene.”
“What do you mean, the Crown Prince? What have you all been discussing about me?”
I frowned, piecing things together.
“Don’t tell me… all the kindness you’ve been showing me was just because you wanted me to change my mind?”
Albert, who had stopped visiting me after saying he wouldn’t interfere with my treatment anymore.
And after that, my parents’ suddenly different attitude toward me.
Now I understood why.
“You never gave up on treatment after all. You were just trying to make me change my mind.”
“…That’s right.”
Mother answered, her voice trembling.
“Irene.”
She stood up slowly and came toward me.
I bit my lip, watching her. She stopped right before me and spoke.
“We… we could never let you go. How could we possibly give you up?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“Through this time, we hoped you would change your mind. That if you found life precious, if you gained people you cherished, maybe… you would want to live.”
“….”
“We wanted to fill your life with things worth holding onto, so you couldn’t throw it away. That was the Crown Prince’s idea—and our best effort.”
“….”
“Irene. Can’t you try to understand our hearts? The thought of losing you… it tears us apart.”
Mother collapsed back into her chair, crying.
I bit my lip harder, staring at her while stepping back.
It wasn’t just betrayal I felt.
The real problem was…
I couldn’t bring myself to say those stubborn words again—that I would go when the time came.
Something was different now.
My chest tightened painfully.
I clutched my heart and let out a faint groan.
Images of my parents flashed in my mind.
Mother waiting for me late at night, even when I returned late.
Father spending a fortune to buy the painting I wanted.
Days spent outdoors together, laughing under the sun and breeze.
Moments when we felt like a true family.
It was strange.
I didn’t want to see my parents cry like this.
And so—I wanted to run. These emotions were too heavy, too confusing.
If I stayed, I might break down, grab them, and cry that I wanted to live too.
So I slammed the office door shut and rushed out.
And right then—
I froze.
Just a few steps away stood Harry.
“…Harry.”
“…Milady.”
He stood there, holding the painting from his studio—his expression heavy, as if he had heard everything.
“I was coming to show you my finished work… but what was all that I just heard?”
“….”
“Milady, are you sick? What does it mean, giving up treatment? Giving up on life?”
His eyes trembled in disbelief.
I pressed my lips tightly together, then turned without answering.
I ran back to my chambers—feeling like everything had fallen apart.
