TLVGAJ 68

~Chapter 68~

“Why are you so selfish?”

“……”

Albert turned back to me. I clenched my fists and continued.

“The person involved doesn’t want it. I told you to leave me alone, so why are you so desperate? Even Eric stopped forcing me when I said no.”

I couldn’t understand Albert.

Why was he so obsessed with saving me?

It was my body, my life. Didn’t I have the right to die if I chose?

My head ached, and I grabbed my forehead as I spoke.

“Just give up. I’ll just… live comfortably until the end. Right? Otherwise, it will only make things harder for both of us, Albert.”

This time, Albert clenched his fists.

With furrowed brows, he strode toward me and spoke in a low voice.

“If you give up, that’s the end? Do you really think that?”

“……”

“Didn’t you see the Duchess of Hartmann crying just now? Do you still think it’s over just because you gave up?”

I didn’t look away from his silver eyes.

“And I don’t understand why you keep rejecting treatment. If I swear on my name to save you, isn’t it normal for you to beg me to please do it?”

“……”

“That’s what makes me angry, Irene. You have no will to live. So many people care about you. And yet you…”

His voice broke off. He sighed deeply, looking exhausted.

“…I’ll contact you again.”

Albert climbed into the carriage.

The door closed with a cold thud.

“…Haah.”

Watching the carriage roll away, I let out a long sigh.

Late at night.

I couldn’t sleep. I just kept sighing.

A wine glass sat before me. I had sneaked wine into my room like a rebellious child, secretly drinking despite my parents’ rules. Tonight, I desperately needed a drink.

The original story had begun, but nothing was going right.

The heroine didn’t want romance. The male leads weren’t meeting her.

The main male lead only cared about saving me.

Albert’s voice from earlier echoed in my head:

[That’s what makes me angry, Irene. You have no will to live.]

I frowned.

Did I have to live? Why?

Living just for the sake of others felt meaningless. Especially when I didn’t want to live.

I had already died once, so death didn’t scare me.

And now that I had a terminal illness, I didn’t want to waste my remaining days in endless treatments.

“Not even letting me drink because of my health…”

I didn’t know how to deal with all this.

I just kept spinning the wine glass when—

Clink. Something tapped the glass.

I looked down and saw the ring on my finger.

The ring Fabian had given me, with a ruby-like gem.

It was meant to protect me if I lost control of my mana.

[If you ever suddenly need help, touch this gem and think of me.]

Was this considered needing help? I hesitated.

It wasn’t a mana rampage, but still…

‘Well, so what.’

Fabian was my friend. Just once, using it like this should be fine.

I gently rubbed the gem, thinking of Fabian.

And then—

“…What’s going on?”

A mysterious voice sounded.

I turned to see Fabian Alfonso, wrapped in a black cloak, standing there.

“Wow. Amazing. You really came when I touched it?”

“…That ring is for emergencies. The gem sends a signal to me.”

Fabian tilted his head.

“But you don’t look like someone rampaging right now.”

“…Sorry. It’s not rampage. But I needed help.”

I smiled faintly at him.

“Can I… ask you a favor as a friend?”

“…What kind?”

Fabian asked back. I swallowed and spoke.

“Can you take me somewhere? Anywhere. Right now.”

“Wowww!”

I gasped in awe.

Before me stretched a vast desert.

The Riden Desert.

This was one of the places Fabian and I had traveled to before by the Ramierre express train.

The endless sand dunes, the wind sweeping grains across the slopes—it was just as grand as I remembered.

I had guessed Fabian might bring me to one of our old travel spots… but he had picked the perfect place for me now.

“Fabian, why bring me here?”

“…You looked like you needed time to think. This place came to mind.”

“I love it. Thank you so much. It’s exactly what I needed.”

Night had already fallen here. The Riden Desert was darker than the empire, but dawn would soon come.

Looking up at the star-filled sky, my chest felt lighter.

I flopped down onto the sand without caring about my dress.

“Ahhh, so nice…”

“You can tell me when you want to leave. Until then, I won’t disturb you.”

“Yes. Thank you… really.”

Haaaah.

I let out a long breath and stared up at the stars.

They looked as though they might fall from the sky—so beautiful.

Maybe it was the wine, or the scenery, but I felt drunk.

My tangled thoughts slowly cleared. My voice came out soft.

“I’ve been worrying a lot lately. Nothing’s going the way I want.”

“……”

It felt like I had lost my way.

“…Fabian, do I really look like I have no will to live?”

He tilted his head.

“A will to live?”

“Someone told me… I look like I don’t want to live.”

Somehow, in front of Fabian, my heart spilled out.

I told him about everyone trying to save me, about being pushed into treatments, about the argument I had.

“I just want to leave peacefully when the time comes, instead of dragging it out. But… it’s not that simple. What do you think, Fabian?”

“…I don’t really get it. If people want to heal you, why insist on dying? That doesn’t make sense to me.”

His answer was blunt. When I looked at him, he just shrugged.

“You talk as if you already know you’ll die. Normally people have hope.”

“…But you said it yourself, Fabian. That I have no chance.”

“I did say that, but it was just my opinion. If I said you could live, would you suddenly want to? Isn’t that strange too?”

He turned to me and spoke one line that pierced straight through.

“It’s not that you lack the will to live. You just have no reason to live.”

“……”

I bit my lip. No reason to live…

I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t.

A bitter laugh escaped me.

“…You’re right. I have no reason to live.”

And suddenly, a memory from my past life crossed my mind.