~Chapter 108~
“My Lady…”
Lady Elina looked at me with a troubled expression.
Then, the corners of her eyes softened into a sad smile, as though she finally understood.
“My Lady… you love Sir Fabian, don’t you?”
“…”
I couldn’t answer. No—I didn’t deny it.
I simply sank helplessly into my seat, letting the tears pour down.
Maybe because I had held them back for so long, once they spilled, they wouldn’t stop.
There was nothing more I could do but endure this despair, this pain, as it was.
How much time had passed?
At last, my sobs began to fade. Sniffling, I rubbed at my eyes.
“Forgive me… for showing you this. On such a happy day, during the party…”
“No, please. It’s fine.”
Lady Elina shook her head.
“On the contrary, I should thank you. For sharing your honest heart and situation with me.”
“…”
“Even though we’ve shared tea many times, I always felt there was a wall I couldn’t cross. I liked you, My Lady, but I couldn’t help being cautious.”
She looked straight into my eyes and smiled brightly.
“Thank you. Now I feel like I can understand you.”
“If you think so, then I’m grateful…”
I bit my lip. Lady Elina reached out her hand.
“For now, you should calm down a little. Why don’t we take a short walk? I’ll accompany you.”
“…Alright.”
I nodded, moved by her calm words.
When I stood, holding her hand, she supported me.
Somehow, it felt like my heart was settling.
But then—
“My Lady?”
A familiar voice came from the side.
Turning my head, I saw a tall man standing there.
“…Eric?”
Away from the party, in a quiet corner of the garden.
I sat on a shaded bench. Eric handed me a cup of water he had asked a servant to bring.
“Here, please drink.”
“…Thank you.”
I took a sip. The lukewarm water slid down my throat, and my heart eased a little.
Because I had met Eric by chance, Lady Elina naturally returned to the party.
She had told me not to worry—she would keep what she heard from me a secret.
I’m grateful to her. She must have been startled, but she still stayed with me…
Now that I thought clearly, I felt a little embarrassed for putting her in such a difficult spot.
“I thought something was different about you today, My Lady.”
Eric carefully sat beside me on the bench.
“I had been looking for you, since there was something I wanted to ask. But I worry I may have seen a side of you you didn’t want to show.”
“…No. It’s fine.”
I shook my head.
At least, it wasn’t Fabian or Albert who had seen me like this.
It was better this way—with Eric, who felt strangely comforting, like a friend, despite being my favorite male lead.
“…Eric. Tell me honestly.”
I fiddled with the cup in my hands.
“Do you think there’s any hope for my treatment?”
I felt his eyes on me. I continued.
“You’ve been part of my treatment, after all. I want your personal opinion.”
“…That’s not an easy question. It’s hard to answer so suddenly.”
Eric exhaled softly.
“May I ask… is this because of the results of your last magic test?”
“…I just wonder if we’re chasing a hopeless dream.”
After hesitating, I added,
“The truth is… I met with Princess Alicia. She told me to stop the treatment.”
“…Princess Alicia? Albert’s sister?”
Eric’s brows twitched. I nodded.
“Not long ago, she invited me for tea—without Albert knowing. Apparently, she and Albert argued because of my treatment.”
“I see…”
“She usually advises him in politics. But she said lately he’s neglected his duties because of me.”
“Hm…?”
Eric tilted his head, frowning.
“I don’t know the Princess well, but…”
“…”
“Albert does care for your treatment, yes. But he’s not the kind of man who throws away everything else. He knows his duties.”
“…What?”
I looked at him. He shrugged.
“I don’t think it’s as serious as she claims. I don’t know why she said that.”
“Hmm… maybe she just worries for him, since she’s close to him.”
“Well… I’ve known Albert long enough. I don’t think so.”
Eric’s expression stayed doubtful.
I pursed my lips. His response was not what I had expected. It left me uneasy.
He smiled gently at me.
“So that’s why you’ve been down? Why you cried earlier?”
“…Because the situation really is hopeless.”
I turned my gaze back to the garden.
“The test results, everything… it feels like accepting the treatment at all was a mistake.”
Maybe I should never have let Albert’s words sway me.
If I had stayed without hope, maybe I’d feel less pain now.
“…I admit, I wasn’t happy when the test came back negative.”
Eric nodded as though he understood.
“But isn’t it too soon to despair? We knew it would be difficult from the start.”
“…”
I turned to him again. His dark eyes were filled with kindness.
“Even if, in the end, you die as you feared—wouldn’t you have no regrets, knowing you at least tried? If your heart now cries out to live, isn’t that reason enough?”
“….”
“Follow your heart, My Lady. Whether it’s about treatment, or anything else.”
“What if it’s too hard? What if following my heart only leads me further from reality?”
Following my heart—that was what treatment was. That was also what loving Fabian was.
Both were painful, because they didn’t fit reality.
“That being the case… hmm. Then how about this?”
Eric thought for a moment, then said,
“Whenever despair strikes, change into your training clothes. Then run five laps around the estate.”
“…Five laps?”
I gaped at him. Of course he’d suggest something like that. A workout addict through and through.
But his face was so serious, I couldn’t laugh.
“Yes. My point is—when despair comes, postpone it.”
“…Postpone it?”
“And then… save it all up until the very last day. The day before you die, we’ll despair together. You and I.”
He held out his hand, making a familiar gesture.
“At that time, I’ll stay beside you and cry with you.”
“….”
“A promise. Isn’t this how it goes?”
I looked at his hand.
It was the gesture I had once taught him—
[What’s this?]
[Something I made. It means ‘promise.’ You hook pinkies, then press thumbs together like a seal.]
Back when we traveled to Sinks, I had shown him.
Now, he was using it with me.
“Don’t be too afraid. Choose with your heart, My Lady.”
“….”
“The despair that follows… I’ll share it with you.”
With the promise gesture, Eric smiled warmly, as if to tell me not to worry.
Silence fell.
Time itself seemed to slow.
His expression etched itself into my mind, like a photograph.
So warm, so full of him—
That warmth was so very Eric.
…And so, I couldn’t look away from him for a long time.
