chapter 37.
“…You’re right. I shouldn’t have believed it, but I did.”
Free’s voice turned bitter.
So, is it time for me to prepare to leave?
To get ready to be cast out?
She had tried to hold on to him, but Free soon lowered her gaze.
If his heart was already set, if the master of this place had already decided, there was nothing she could do. No matter that she sat as Empress — it was only in name. The true master here was Argent alone.
“…Alright. I’ll wait for your decision.”
Even Free herself could not understand what she was feeling.
What was it she wanted to hear from this man?
Hatred was painful enough, but indifference was far worse. And because this man was indifferent to her, every glance she caught of him hurt all the more.
Yet, even so, Free did not avoid his gaze.
“How long… is my sister going to be here? Do you truly mean to make her your wife in my place?”
The questions she had been holding back tumbled out at once, her voice trembling ever so slightly. Her heart pounded with dread that he might have noticed.
Argent’s reply came quickly.
“If I had no such intention, I wouldn’t have brought her here. I wouldn’t have treated her kindly.”
“…So you really… planned this from the beginning. To make me Empress.”
“That’s why I didn’t want you to take the position. But in the end, wasn’t it you who chose it?”
He wasn’t wrong. And that truth pierced straight through her chest.
“Yes… I wanted it. I became Empress because I wanted to. But wasn’t it you who told me… that I’d be the first and the last? That too… was a lie, wasn’t it?”
For a moment, Argent was at a loss for words.
What excuse could he give for that? All he’d ever wanted was for Free to be unhurt, happy, unburdened.
And for that… she could not remain at his side.
His crimson eyes wavered endlessly, unable to voice the truth. Free met those eyes for a long moment. The blue of her own, clear as if they held the sky, made him look away at last.
“True or false, it’s all lies from me. So don’t believe anything I say.”
“…You’re right. I shouldn’t have believed it, but I did.”
Her voice again turned bitter.
So, should I be preparing to leave now?
To prepare to be thrown away?
She had tried to hold on, but Free’s gaze fell once more.
If his heart was set, if this place’s master had decided, there was nothing she could do. No matter the title of Empress, it was only in name. Argent alone ruled here.
“…Alright. I’ll wait for your decision.”
“….”
It felt to Argent as though his heart was being torn apart.
Is this really the way I have to speak to her?
He despised himself.
For her sake — for her freedom — was it right to wound her with such clumsy, cruel words?
Perhaps he had been a better man before. At least back then, he would never have hurt her like this.
To think of making Gaia, of all people — the one who had tormented Free so ruthlessly — the Empress.
Even if Free were gone, such a thing would never happen. He would sooner wring Gaia’s neck than give her that seat.
It was impossible.
And yet, he spoke as though it had been his intention from the beginning, his voice steady with false resolve.
“Don’t wait for my decision. Think for yourself.”
Please… please be disappointed in me and run.
Please hate the sight of me.
So that you never again live in the chains of death. So that you live only for yourself.
Burying the words he could never say, Argent turned and stepped out.
Thud.
Only after hearing the sound did Free let her head fall forward.
There was no way she could eat now.
The food on her plate remained untouched, piled high. She didn’t even reach for her utensils.
How could she possibly eat with a heart like this?
“…So from the beginning… I was just bait to bring my sister here. Was that it? Is that all? What on earth was I expecting?”
Her memories flashed by — the lengths he’d gone to avoid making her his wife, the way events had unfolded. Now she could see it all for what it was: a plan to bring her sister here. Her chest ached sharply, as though someone had struck her hard.
Why did it hurt this much?
Why?
Why had she let herself… care for him?
“When… did it start?”
She stared for a long time at the spot where he’d been standing.
“Was it that day? The day you worried about me?”
She could still see the expression on his face as he carried her in his arms to her room. Was that the moment?
No… it feels older than that. Much older.
Perhaps it had begun when she first came to the Kingdom of Ezian. She couldn’t tell.
Perhaps it would be easier to just say it was love at first sight.
“…Ha.”
“Lady Free.”
A gentle hand brushed her shoulder.
She didn’t need to look or hear to know whose touch it was.
“Ian.”
“Are you alright?”
“…Did you come here knowing?”
“…Knowing what, my lady?”
Did he tell you to come in here, to check on me?
She wished, faintly, that it were so, but she rose from her seat pretending nothing was wrong.
“No… It’s just as well. I was about to head to the library.”
“My lady—”
“Yes?”
“…Nothing.”
Knowing full well what he was worried about, she deliberately forced brightness into her manner as she stood. She looked straight at Ian so he wouldn’t have a chance to say anything.
Though she didn’t seem alright at all, Ian only watched her, his expression briefly darkening. She ignored it.
“I think I’ll go to the library first, then maybe visit my sister. I heard she wasn’t well enough to come to the meal.”
“If you wish to visit, I’ll make arrangements in advance for the best time.”
“Thank you.”
The library was not far from the dining hall.
Lest Ian try to say something else, Free quickened her pace. As always, the library welcomed her warmly.
With thoughts of Argent crowding her mind, she moved her hands quickly over the books, faster than usual.
Ian stood watching her for a moment, as though debating something, then stepped back.
“Then I’ll go confirm the best time for your visit.”
“Please do. I’ll look for a few more books.”
After watching him go, she turned back to the shelves. If she didn’t focus on the books, her mind would fill again with thoughts of Argent and her sister.
“Well, let’s see…”
Forcing cheer into her voice, she worked quickly.
What she wanted most to know was the origin of the book she’d read before — The Rabbit and the Bear. She remembered exactly where it had been.
It had been a slim volume, out of place between thick history tomes. She searched the area carefully, but nothing like it was there now.
“Was that book… truly one of a kind?”
Ian’s words had made her suspect it might be, but seeing it with her own eyes made her all the more certain — and uneasy.
Who… who could have…?
Should she ask him? But her distance from Argent now was too great. The thought of asking him about a book as if they were on friendly terms felt wrong.
“…I guess not.”
She might never have the chance, but she decided she would ask him someday.
Next, she searched for the book about the guardian doll Ian had given her. Taking the doll from her pocket, she looked for a book on birds that matched it.
But there was nothing.
Once again, she reviewed its appearance:
Blue body, a white crest on its head, and ruby-red eyes.
She searched again, but there was no such bird. Not in all of the empire, nor across the continent.
“What kind of bird… is it supposed to be?”
Even among blue-feathered birds, none had a pure white crest, and none at all had red eyes.
Quite some time must have passed, for Ian returned.
“My lady.”
“Ian? You’re back already?”
“It’s been quite a while.”
“Really? I didn’t notice. When I get caught up in books, I lose track of time… I guess I did it again. So, what did my sister say?”
“She said you may visit.”
Focusing on something else entirely, Free found herself oddly unaffected by the earlier conversation. For someone whose head had been full of Argent just minutes ago, it was almost strange.
After all that turmoil, maybe I’m convincing myself there’s nothing to worry about. That I won’t be cast out. Laughable, really. I know something is bound to happen, yet I keep telling myself it won’t.
Perhaps that was why it was so easy to forget for the moment.
She closed the books she had been looking at.
“When should I go?”
“She said you may come now, if you like.”
“…He must have been there earlier.”
“His Majesty?”
“Yes.”
“I checked — His Majesty was here briefly, but left right away.”
Free tilted her head slightly.
“Briefly?”
“They say he only looked in for a moment before leaving. Not even five minutes.”
“…I see.”
