Chapter 30
Who Am I, Where Is This (1)
No one told him to, but as soon as we arrived in the room, Rudolf sat me down on the sofa.
Then he knelt on the floor and leaned his head on my lap.
“Rudolf?”
“……”
I called out to him, but he didn’t respond, only buried his head deeper.
His quiet and calm demeanor made it seem like he was telling me to go ahead and speak.
It was like a sulking cat—so much so that I couldn’t help but chuckle.
I stroked his head, resting on my lap, and called to him again.
“Silly. We can’t talk like this, can we?”
“……I know.”
Even through the soft white hair, I could hear the pout in his voice.
“If you know, then why are you doing this?”
“I’m scared to look at your face.”
His voice trembled faintly as he buried his face further.
What kind of expression was he making to say something like that?
His white hair, soft like rabbit fur, was scattered across the sofa.
I ran my fingers through the strands tangled in my fingers and stroked his cheek.
“I want to see your face.”
“……”
“I’d really like it if you showed me.”
Only then did Rudolf finally lift his head.
Unlike the breathtakingly beautiful Odelia, the face in front of me was of a cold yet stunning man.
Maybe it was because his eyes shimmered with red, as if holding back tears.
At this moment, Rudolf looked beautiful enough to rival even Odelia’s legendary beauty.
“You’re pretty.”
“……I like pretty things.”
“Are you saying you look this pretty because of me?”
At my teasing, Rudolf sniffled and nodded.
Wow. Is this guy for real? Seriously too cute.
I wanted to squeeze his cheeks and shout, “You’re too cute!” but I held back, considering the moment.
The laughter faded quickly.
What should I say first?
I gently cupped his cheek and thought.
Should I tell him everything I said to Ginger was a lie?
That it was all an act to deceive her?
That I really am Odelia?
I considered it.
If I said that, Rudolf would believe me.
Even knowing it was a lie, he’d believe me anyway.
He’d keep calling me Odelia…
“……”
But I couldn’t.
Rudolf was looking at me.
With eyes calm and quiet, asking nothing.
My heart sank.
I couldn’t do it.
Looking into those silent, waiting red eyes—there was no way I could lie.
At least to him, not now.
I gently tucked Rudolf’s fallen hair behind his ear and slowly opened my mouth.
A memory I never thought I’d speak out loud to anyone stirred awake.
“……Once upon a time, there was a little girl.”
I spoke softly, as if telling an old tale.
Rudolf met my gaze slowly, like a child listening to a story.
“She had a younger brother and sister, and parents too.”
I continued slowly, recalling my much younger siblings.
“To others, it looked like a perfect family. Happy even. But…”
“……”
“But the girl believed she was unhappy.”
A gust of wind brushed past, and I thought I heard the echoes of cruel words, my lips trembling.
It was a memory I never wanted to revisit.
Kneeling before someone, saying “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me.”
It felt like my very existence had been denied.
I took a breath and continued.
“The girl’s mother hated her father. It was a forced marriage, because of the times. For nearly twenty years, she’d suffered under her husband. And she came to hate the daughter who resembled him.”
I tried to speak calmly, but my voice trembled.
My clenched hands shook, and I felt cold like winter had swept through me.
“But the girl was too young to understand why her mother hated her.”
I remembered the sharp words, the cold hand that pushed me away.
“She just thought… it was because she wasn’t good enough. Because she was stupid. So—”
I bit my lip, holding back the rush of tears.
I can’t cry. That’s not why I started telling this story.
As I tightly shut my eyes and tried to calm my breath, Rudolf’s cold hand wrapped around mine.
“You can stop. You don’t have to keep going… I’m fine with calling you Odelia.”
His comforting words made me want to cry even more.
But seeing Rudolf, who was clearly hurting while trying to comfort me, I couldn’t stay silent.
To the one who was always honest with me—I wanted to share my truth.
“So I thought that’s why she hated me.”
“……”
“So I tried really hard. Studied hard, worked out, tried to be the good big sister. I made sure everything about me looked perfect.”
“……”
“But she still hated the girl.”
I flinched at my own whispered words.
If I opened my mouth, if I opened my eyes—I felt like I’d cry.
Even now, the memory was vivid.
Getting perfect scores, landing a great job, never once asking her for money.
Trying to be a good person every single day.
But she never loved me.
The more perfect I became…
Because my smile looked like my father’s…
Her hatred was always directed at me.
…My existence always felt like it belonged in the trash.
Rudolf gently patted the back of my hand, as if to soothe me.
His delicate fingers comforted me quietly.
His eyes seemed to say I could stop—but I hadn’t even started yet.
My story began the moment I opened my eyes in this world.
“……The girl became an adult and finally realized it wasn’t her fault. She met many people out in the world. And she learned that just resembling her parents wasn’t a reason to live in misery.”
“……”
“So she ran away. As far as she could. She wanted to find her own life. She worked harder, did more. And eventually, she had dreams. A career. A home.”
“……”
“Her mom still didn’t like her, but by then, it didn’t matter.”
Rudolf’s red eyes curved slightly, as if relieved.
And now—I had to say the saddest part of the story.
“One day, while living her new life, the girl read a novel. About a sad, beautiful young woman.”
At my words, something flickered in Rudolf’s eyes.
A sad, beautiful girl.
Did he realize I meant Odelia?
…Would he hate me now?
I opened my mouth.
“The girl in the story was the most beautiful, kind person in the world. But because of that, she was used by everyone. She reminded me so much of my past self—desperately trying to be loved—that I cried.”
“Wait a—”
“And when I opened my eyes again, I had become that sad girl.”
I pulled my hand from his.
“……The end.”
That was it.
“What… what do you mean?”
“The girl in the story was me. And the sad girl is Odelia.”
Rudolf’s hand slipped from my knee to the floor.
A small, silent rejection.
“I’m just a fake, from another world, who ended up in Odelia’s body.”
I smiled faintly, trying to make it sound like a joke.
If I didn’t, the sorrow I’d been holding back might overwhelm me again.
Don’t cry. You must not cry.
I chewed my lip, silently trying to calm myself.
“……Since when?”
“A few weeks before the mage tower incident.”
“I see—”
Rudolf sighed like he understood, then rested his head back on my knee.
The sudden gesture made me wonder—just like with Ginger—is he only interested in Odelia’s body?
“So… can I call you by your name?”
“…What?”
The sudden question caught me off guard.
“In the story, you said your name was Jina.”
“……Yeah.”
“I want to call you that. Jina.”
Rudolf smiled gently as he said it.
It was such a warm smile it made my heart flutter.
“But I’m not Odelia anymore. You know that now.”
“I know.”
“You liked Odelia, didn’t you? Isn’t that right?”
At my question, Rudolf lifted his head, unconcerned.
Then he sat beside me and cupped my cheek.
It was what I often did to comfort him.
“It doesn’t matter. I fell for you starting at the mage tower.”
“No, that’s not true.”
I grabbed his hand and met his gaze.
“You liked Odelia. Didn’t you? That feeling doesn’t just—”
“You told me, remember?”
He smiled, squeezing my hand gently.
“You said loving someone meant smiling at them, listening to silly stories, sleeping beside them, meeting their eyes… all that.”
Quoting what I once said at the tower, Rudolf kissed the hand he held.
“I love you.”
“……”
“So can I call you by your name?”
My voice trembled under the weight of emotion.
“……You can.”
Only then did Rudolf smile as if truly satisfied.
He embraced me with a brilliant smile that made his already beautiful face nearly disappear.
Maybe the moment I saw that smile… I knew I wouldn’t be able to refuse him anything.
“Jina, I love you.”
His voice was unwavering.
But the one shaken by those words—was me.
It had always been Rudolf who confessed his love.
But this time, why was it my heart that was pounding so wildly?
The one who never understood his emotions—now, it was me drowning in confusion.
In my past life, I had been confessed to a few times.
Sweet words like in dramas, elegant lines straight from a novel.
Some so embarrassing I wanted to gouge out my eyes.
But never had my heart reacted this wildly.
And then…
“Jina, Jina…”
His chest rumbled against my forehead as he murmured softly.
……!!!!
I could practically hear myself screaming inside—my daily embarrassment limit had been obliterated.
I tried to hide in his arms and cool off, shaking my head frantically, but it was no use.
His laughter above me made my heart feel like it would explode.
“Jina, that’s too cute—”
If you told me I took a critical hit from that sweet gaze like he was looking at a precious flower—I’d believe it.
No—whether you believe it or not, it’s true.
