(…He didn’t praise me.)
Left behind, Camilla’s shoulders slumped, and her sudden change in demeanor sent the servants into a brief flurry of concern.
(Reaching out to one another is not as simple as it sounds…)
Even when misunderstandings arose, they could be resolved each time by aligning what they knew.
And yet, when they kept passing each other by again and again, even the act of trying to draw closer began to feel frightening. Luke, too, must think her a troublesome wife.
(Come to think of it, where did Luke go?)
He had looked as though he had already changed after work, so surely he was not headed to the bath.
Though he had told her to go ahead, Camilla found herself lingering in the corridor. Then she heard Luke’s voice from the direction of the kitchen.
(Are they talking? He said those men were his former comrades…)
Luke rarely showed much expression in front of Camilla, but perhaps with old friends he could speak freely, without restraint. Feeling it would be rude to intrude, Camilla began to turn on her heel, but then she heard it.
“…Those sleeves. You can’t even eat properly in them.”
Camilla stopped.
There was an edge to his voice that sounded almost like anger, and something cold sank into the pit of her stomach.
“It’s a frilly thing. It only gets in the way. I wish she would think a little more…”
(Ah.)
Camilla clamped both hands over her mouth to keep from letting out a sound.
It only gets in the way.
I wish she would think a little more.
(So Luke was… complaining about me to them?)
A trembling breath leaked through her fingers. She felt the urge to make a sound, a weak, broken noise, and forced it back down.
The heat gathering at the corners of her eyes was surely just her imagination.
Camilla did not go to the dining room. She ran upstairs to her chamber.
A maid who had been tidying the room looked up at her in surprise.
“M-My lady? Has his lordship returned?”
“Y-yes,” Camilla answered, forcing a smile. “He has. It’s just a bit warm, so I thought I would take off the outer gown, at least.”
She felt guilty towards the maid who had dressed her with such care, and so she kept that smile in place as she slipped out of the embroidered gown. In truth it was almost chilly, but the dress beneath had fitted sleeves and a clean neckline. It would not hinder her when dining.
Perhaps because Camilla kept her face lowered, the maid did not suspect anything. “It is rather warm for autumn,” she agreed, taking the gown from Camilla’s hands.
“I’ll see to it,” the maid said brightly.
Regrettably, Camilla knew she would likely never put that gown on again.
When she descended to the dining room, Luke was already there. The moment he saw her enter, he stood so quickly his chair scraped audibly.
“Lady Camilla, where did you go? And that outfit…”
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Camilla said, maintaining her smile with effort. “It felt a little warm, so I removed the outer layer.”
Luke, who seemed to have been restless, nodded. “I see.”
He guided her to her seat. He did not appear to suspect her at all.
Camilla sat across from her husband and reached for the dishes the servants brought, but no real conversation passed between them. Even when she raised her eyes and their gazes met, she was the one who looked away first.
She wanted to talk.
She had told herself she must be the one to reach out, the older one.
And yet.
I wish she would think a little more…
The moment Luke’s voice resurfaced in her mind, her fingertips began to tremble. Afraid he would notice, Camilla could only move her knife and fork mechanically.
After the awkward meal, Luke stopped Camilla.
“There is something I wish to discuss tonight. That is why I returned early.”
Faced with the seriousness in his eyes, she could not bring herself to refuse. Reluctantly, Camilla followed him into the sitting room. A maid prepared tea for two and withdrew, and only then did Luke begin.
“To just be straightforward, I have been assigned to an expedition. It will last roughly two years.”
“…What?”
The news was so sudden that Camilla could only stare, speechless, while Luke continued in an even tone.
“I will be away from the royal capital for some time. However, I have savings sufficient to ensure your comfort will be taken care of. Travel is also possible, so letters may still be exchanged. And also…”
“W-wait, Luke.”
She raised a hand, forcing him to pause, and pressed her fingers to her temple as though trying to steady her thoughts.
(An expedition? Two years? I was never told anything like this.)
“We’re newlyweds, and you’re leaving for two full years?”
“…Yes. Lady Camilla may find it lonely, but I will return with results. And His Majesty has said that if I distinguish myself on this expedition, there may be an opportunity for advancement.”
“Advancement…”
“Yes. Even if a countship is out of reach, a viscountcy may be attainable.”
Camilla’s vision dimmed.
(That’s right. When he heard it would be a barony, he was plainly displeased.)
If his bride had been Pamela, he would have become Count Beresford. He would not have been driven into ceaseless labor. Pamela, trained as royalty in governance, could have managed the estate with him, and they might have lived quietly as newlyweds.
But because he had married Camilla, everything about his life had been reduced.
His earnings were poured into supporting her, while he was forced to chase a higher title through a long, dangerous expedition.
Because he married her.
(I have done nothing but burden this young man, whose future should be bright…)
“…When do you leave?” she asked softly.
Since it seemed the decision was already made, that was all she could ask. Luke began counting on his fingers.
“I believe… It is in five days.”
“Only five days?”
“The expedition force was formed rather suddenly. Normally, I ought to have discussed such matters with you, but there was no time before personnel were finalized. I made the decision on my own. I apologize.”
“…Don’t apologize.”
The one who should have apologized was Camilla.
He was at an age when he ought to have been able to work, play, and live. Instead, he was being driven into duty day after day.
And that was because of her.
In five days, Luke would leave the royal capital.
The next time he returned would be two years from now.
The truth was, she wanted to tell him he did not need a viscountcy, that she did not care about titles, that she did not want him to go. She wanted to talk more. She wanted to be together longer, to have time to learn one another.
(But… I can’t, can I.)
Looking into Luke’s eyes, she could feel the firmness of his resolve. She could not bring herself to be selfish.
Then another thought surfaced, quiet and sharp.
(If a marriage remains unconsummated for two years, it will surely become grounds for divorce.)
In two years, Camilla would be twenty-six. Luke would be eighteen, an age when his charm would only continue to grow.
If the marriage remained unconsummated for two years, it could be dissolved. Luke could be freed.
(…Perhaps that is the only thing I can do for him now.)
And so Camilla smiled and nodded.
“Very well. If that is what you have decided, then I have nothing against it.”
“Lady Camilla… thank you.”
“Only, please come back safely. If you remain well, that will be enough for me.”
If Luke returned unharmed, then Pamela would surely be able to rest easy as well.
For that reason, too, Camilla believed she must set Luke free in two years’ time.
Or so she thought.
