Chapter 005
As I grew older, that person shared a wealth of information with me.
The internal affairs of the current Ducal House and those of others. The movements of the rebel forces in the ‘Forbidden Lands’ and the Imperial family’s maneuvers to stop them, and so on.
Thanks to the information provided, I was able to transform from a ‘useless child’ into at least a ‘child with an eye for the world.’
Around the time my house arrest was gradually expanded from just my room to the entire ducal estate, contact with that person was cut off.
I wanted to find them, but the political situation was so grim due to the rebels’ movements that I couldn’t dare to step out recklessly.
Then one day, while I was agonizing over the silence, they found me again when I turned eighteen.
[It’s the Day of Mercy.]
The contact had been broken for over several months. And yet, for them to suddenly appear and say only this.
[Why didn’t you come all this time?]
[There was work to do.]
[I was worried. I kept waiting… wondering if something had happened—]
I stopped my pen there.
I couldn’t continue.
I was afraid they would vanish again.
And I was afraid that, just like when we first met, I would shed the tears that they so disliked.
Forcing back my sobs, I wrote briefly.
[I want to go outside.]
I want to be free.
And… I want to meet you.
Fearing such words would be a burden, I couldn’t bring myself to write them.
Since they were a person who disliked bothersome questions, I told myself I had to endure even if no answer came. But then.
Tap.
A reply arrived.
[Should I let you out?]
My hand moved as if possessed.
[Yes.]
It was an answer written even though I knew it was impossible.
Even if my house arrest had been lifted, I was still an Agnito. Unless I married someone, I would never be able to leave the name of Agnito behind.
[Alright.]
However, the reply that arrived was full of certainty.
[I’ll make it happen.]
As if they truly had the power to grant my long-held wish.
That conviction was so overwhelming that, for the first time, I couldn’t write a reply that day.
I didn’t have the luxury to keep thinking about it, though.
“Get married, Hanisha.”
From that day forward, Duke Agnito ordered me to marry.
The leader of the rebels and the abandoned illegitimate child of the Emperor: Rene.
* * *
‘I wonder what happened to that person.’
After that message saying they would help me, they never visited me again until the wedding.
‘Even so, they were my best friend. I wanted to tell them personally that I was getting married.’
Of course, now that it has become a vanished past, it remains a memory only for me…
Still, I wanted to meet them once more.
‘If only I knew their name…’
It was while I was reminiscing about my first female friend and leaving the library.
“Oh? Sister!”
I flinched at the familiar voice.
Deep blonde hair and green eyes. A child with a lovely appearance.
It was Esther, Bert’s twin sister and my cousin.
On the Day of Mercy, the Saint always had to go out into the streets to offer prayers of blessing on behalf of God.
But since the Saint was absent, Duke Agnito had hidden me—the Saint’s daughter who was supposed to take that place—under the pretext of ill health. Esther had gone out to the streets to help with the event in my stead.
“Sister, why are you here alone? Where is the nanny?”
“The nanny is…”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Esther clapped her hands as if she had just realized something.
“Ah, right. You have maids, but you don’t have something like a nanny.”
“…”
“I guess I forgot for a moment since I’ve been at the Temple for a few days. Sorry.”
Esther scrunched her nose and laughed.
I stared at her quietly.
When everyone else ignored me, Esther always called me “Sister.”
> “Even if other people slander you, I won’t.”
> “Both you and I lost our mothers. We are sisters who have suffered the same pain.”
> “So, you’ll be on my side too, right?”
>
Because of that, I truly thought I had become Esther’s sister.
Never realizing that it was just a ploy to use me.
“Ugh, I’m so tired from going outside in your place.”
Esther, stretching her arms, held out a small bag to me.
“Sister, hold this for a bit. My arms hurt so much.”
That small bag likely contained nothing more than a mirror. There was no reason for a Lady of Agnito to carry anything heavy.
This was simply a display to show that my position was lower than hers.
“Alright.”
I took Esther’s bag.
“Then you hold this for a bit, too.”
And I shoved the books I had been holding into her arms.
“Whoa!”
Esther, barely clutching the books, blinked in disbelief.
“S-Sister. What are you doing right now?”
“Didn’t you mean we should share the load?”
“Why should I hold your things?”
“Really? Then why should I hold yours?”
“…What?”
Esther just blinked, her face flushed with confusion.
“…Sister, what are you talking about? You…”
Esther, about to snap in anger, regained her composure and continued.
“…I went to the Day of Mercy event in your place. So, you should be helping me.”
There was an underlying meaning to those words.
‘You aren’t unaware of the fact that the Saint’s power was severed because of you, right?’
—That was the implication.
“Yes, thank you for that.”
I answered honestly.
“But I don’t think you’ll need to do that anymore.”
“…What?”
“I mean you don’t have to act in my stead from now on. There’s no longer a need for it.”
“I… I don’t quite understand what you’re saying, Sister. I—”
“I wonder. What could it mean?”
I smiled brightly.
Esther’s face began to cloud over with anxiety.
Her mouth clamped shut.
She must have heard that I had a fight with Bert upon her return to the mansion.
Yet, it was Bert who received the punishment.
And I, who had always been confined, was now out here like this.
‘Furthermore.’
Esther slowly lowered her gaze.
The books I had thrust into her arms were all summaries of the Four Great Ducal Houses.
Things that any true member of a Ducal house should naturally read.
I could see a certain assumption forming in Esther’s head.
Something like… perhaps the Duke had finally acknowledged me.
“T-That’s impossible. You can’t become a Lady just like me!”
“Why? You said we should live like real sisters.”
“That… that was true, but…!”
Unable to find a specific word to refute me, Esther bit her lip.
This was the kind of person Esther was.
While telling me to live like sisters and making me do this and that, she had no intention of sharing a single benefit she received.
I realized then. What Esther wanted wasn’t a sister, but to monopolize the family’s love.
However, back then, I didn’t try to argue.
‘Because I sincerely… wanted to be family with you.’
Though I had now realized that was no longer the case.
Esther’s face turned bright red as she struggled to find a rebuttal. Her nose twitched, and then…
“Waaaaagh—!”
Finally, she burst into tears.
“Mommy—!”
One could truly tell they were twins by how her crying sounded exactly like Bert’s.
“Oh my goodness, Milady!”
“Milady!”
The servants who came running at the sound of the crying scooped Esther up.
“Why are you crying all of a sudden? Hmm?”
“Waaaaagh…!”
“Could it be you had a fight with Lady Hanisha?”
One of the servants looked at me with eyes full of disbelief.
“N-No, it’s not that…!”
Fearing that attention might be drawn to me, Esther hurriedly shook her head.
“It’s just… D-Daddy didn’t come to get me… and I was startled…”
“Oh, dear.”
Thinking that was Esther’s consideration for me, the servants let out sighs of pity.
However, the servants, who must have heard what happened today, couldn’t bring themselves to scold me.
Now that they knew the Temple was aware of my poor treatment, they wouldn’t want to cause any further trouble.
“I want Mommy. Heuuuung—!”
Esther began to wail for the deceased Duchess Agnito.
“It’s okay. It’s alright, Milady.”
“Let’s go inside first. We’ve prepared the scented oils you like. You’ll feel better after a warm bath.”
The maids who had cared for Esther, including her nanny, gently coaxed the child and moved away from me.
The books I had given Esther fell helplessly to the floor.
“…”
Left alone, I picked up the fallen books and headed back to my room.
I wasn’t sad. All of this was for the ‘next step.’
Only…
“I want Mommy. Heuuuung—!”
So, when people are sad enough to cry or feel miserable, they search for their mother. They are allowed to search for them.
‘Then who should I call for?’
Even if I call her name… would my mother in heaven look down on me with pity?
I didn’t know.
In my past lives and in this life I returned to, I still had no family.
Regardless, I did not cry.
“…Sniff.”
It was just that the realization that I didn’t know the feeling of searching for a mother was sad, and I felt a tiny bit resentful, making the tip of my nose turn red.
