Chapter 17
Clink—
When the bell rang near evening, I quickly lifted my head and looked toward the shop door.
Standing there were Simon, looking no different than usual, and beside him Matthias, his eyes swollen and red.
“Why are you two coming back together? And more importantly—what happened to your face?”
I rushed over to them and asked. Simon smiled mischievously and said,
“When I came back from going out, he was crouched in front of the shop, crying.”
“What?”
What was that supposed to mean—he’s not a five-year-old child!
I turned to Matthias with a look that asked if it was true. Strangely, he couldn’t say a word and just jutted out his lips.
What… it’s really true?
With a serious expression, I grabbed Matthias’s face to examine him, then rummaged through his clothes.
Startled, he stepped back and said,
“What are you doing?”
“Even if the weather’s warmer, evenings are still cold. I was worried you might’ve caught a cold. I’m sorry. I should’ve gone after you.”
When I apologized, Matthias frowned deeply.
Then, like a child, he suddenly burst into tears and hugged me tightly.
“Noona…”
“Y-You’re heavy, you idiot!”
I patted my brother’s shoulder and glanced at Simon.
He silently gestured toward the second floor.
It seemed like he meant we could talk alone.
In the end, I took Matthias—who was currently soaking my shoulder with all kinds of bodily fluids—and went up to the second-floor room.
Just in case, I wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, which made me laugh, remembering when he was younger.
“I thought you’d grown up a little since you came all the way to the capital because you were worried about me, but you’re still just a kid, huh?”
While I laughed, Matthias looked at me quietly and asked in a small voice,
“Don’t you hate me, noona?”
“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“I look like Dad, unlike you. And because of me, you always suffer, and…”
I rested my chin in my hand and looked at my brother, who had lowered his head like someone guilty.
So that’s what he was thinking.
Well, Matthias had always been a smart kid.
It wasn’t strange that he thought that way when he looked at me, who resembled Mom.
What should I say? After thinking for a moment, I spoke the most honest words I could, simply.
“Yeah. I really don’t hate you at all. You’re my brother—why would I hate you?”
My blunt and clear answer made Matthias look flustered instead.
“But… I might betray you someday like Dad did. Haven’t you ever thought about that?”
At his rambling question, I widened my eyes and answered,
“Betray me? Like steal all my money and run away? Or kill me?”
“How could I ever do something like that!”
“Then why are you using such a scary word like ‘betray’? You’re freaking me out.”
After joking once, the atmosphere softened.
Matthias frowned and muttered,
“Even if it’s not something that dramatic… I might suddenly decide I don’t want to be a doctor anymore. I might leave you.”
So that’s what he meant…
I crossed my arms, thought for a moment, and answered honestly again.
“If you don’t want to be a doctor… I’d be a bit annoyed, but I’d accept it. And it’s natural for us to live our own lives. What, were you scared I’d cling to you even after you became an adult?”
Matthias stared at me with a serious face.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Even family should live their own lives after becoming independent. Did you think I’d take care of you forever? Or were you afraid I’d end up living off you?”
Wow. It really seemed like that’s what he thought.
I couldn’t help laughing.
Such a very teenage-boy kind of worry.
“W-Why are you laughing!”
I ruffled my brother’s hair.
“Don’t think so complicatedly. I’m not making some huge sacrifice. I’m just doing what family naturally does. I don’t expect anything from you.”
“That’s a lie. How can you expect nothing at all?”
“Well… honestly, I do expect you to say thank you. And…”
Was it okay to say this? I hesitated for a moment.
“Just like you lean on me, I lean on you too. Your existence gives me strength. The fact that you’re my brother, and that you have black hair and green eyes.”
“……”
“Mom was like that too. She said it was nice that she could remember him through you.”
Matthias started tearing up again.
“When did my little brother become such a crybaby?”
“…Thank you, noona.”
“Okay, okay. Stop crying.”
Come to think of it, it had been so long since we’d had such a deep conversation.
After Mom died and I started working at the estate, we’d never really talked like this.
Thinking about Matthias having to carry these worries alone without an adult to lean on made my heart ache.
I’m glad we finally talked like this.
I reached out and patted Matthias’s shoulder.
Wiping his eyes with his sleeve, he said with a brave expression,
“Noona, if things ever get hard, come home anytime. I’ll find a way for the two of us to live together, no matter what.”
“…Okay. I will.”
The next day, Simon and I took Matthias to the train station so he could return to school.
Matthias boarded the train with a face that looked far more mature than yesterday.
Then he said this to me,
“I’ll become a great adult—for you, noona.”
For some reason, my nose stung and I felt like I might cry.
But I smiled even harder and waved.
“Thank you for coming with me.”
“You’re welcome.”
Simon said that and handed me a handkerchief.
It seemed he had noticed I was holding back tears.
I reached for it, then hesitated.
It was a different design from the handkerchief Simon usually carried.
“Did you go after Matthias yesterday?”
When I asked while taking it, Simon raised one eyebrow.
“So that’s why Matthias cried…”
“You’re sharp, for someone it doesn’t suit.”
“And you’re kind, for someone it doesn’t suit either.”
I smiled and shot back his words, and he let out a dry laugh before admitting it.
“He annoyed me, whining just because he’s four years younger, so I scolded him.”
“Were you worried about me?”
“…It’s more like Ariel is only twenty years old herself.”
That’s the same thing as worrying.
I swallowed what I wanted to say and just smiled.
Even if his words were blunt, I could tell why he’d followed Matthias.
“I wasn’t struggling, so don’t worry. Unlike me, who has no goals or dreams, cheering for a younger brother who wants to be a doctor was actually fun.”
Matthias had said he wanted to be a doctor to help sick people, like Mom had.
Unlike him, I had nothing I was good at and nothing I wanted to do.
So I decided to support him instead.
Maybe part of me wanted to ride along with his dream.
A younger brother moving toward a goal looked strong and admirable.
Unlike him, who earned scholarships through his own efforts, I couldn’t even leave the estate by myself.
Only after being abandoned could I finally walk forward on my own.
“Rather than having grand goals or dreams, living each given day responsibly is an even more admirable thing.”
At Simon’s words, I broke free from my thoughts and smiled again.
He was right.
“Let’s go back.”
I turned away from the station lightly.
Simon followed behind me at an unhurried pace.
That comfortable distance, those steady footsteps, brought calm to my heart.
The capital’s streets, which had once seemed so frightening and difficult, now looked like a beautiful spring road.
When had the fog in my heart lifted into such a clear sky?
Living… was something this fun and hopeful.
It was a realization I had completely forgotten.
Maybe I’ve already found my meaning, Captain.
I still didn’t know exactly what his words meant.
But if my heart felt this full, wasn’t that enough?
I wanted to stay here.
I liked my place behind the counter of this small, cozy shop.
I didn’t want to leave behind my partner who only spoke harshly, nor the small connections I met during missions.
So I would go back.
Back to where I belonged.
