Chapter 90
A sudden sense of futility washed over her. What meaning could there possibly be in this third life she had never even wished for?
The first life alone had been enough. The second had ended miserably. And when even the third began to show signs of going awry, Noxia had fled in fear before anything could happen.
‘Yes, I made the right choice.’
Proméon had been the means of Noxia’s escape. She had willingly taken the hand he offered and erased the memories of everyone who knew “Noxia Dekan.”
All except one person—Carnen Holvi.
Because, as it turned out, she too had not been a person in the truest sense.
“……Since when did you know that Carnen was Pellene?”
Noxia murmured as she stared at the ceiling. Proméon answered gently.
“From the beginning.”
Noxia did not press him further about when exactly that beginning was.
Just like Elenon Hermeon, she had believed Carnen was merely a connection of this life, with not the slightest overlap with any past one. To learn that this friend had in fact deceived her all along—
And yet she did not particularly resent Carnen—no, Pellene. It merely gave her one more reason to feel exhausted.
‘Resent her? If anything…’
She was sorry. So sorry she felt she might go mad.
For smiling so carelessly at her side without knowing anything. For trifling with her in her detestable ignorance. For never once understanding what lay in her heart—never even guessing.
‘When you saw me reincarnated, having completely forgotten you, what did you think?’
Pellene, her precious friend of a past life. The only god who had ever opened her heart to a human.
And in return, betrayed by that very friend and bound to the punishment of reincarnation—a pitiful being.
‘Did she approach me knowing everything from the start?’
Noxia could not even begin to imagine how deep Pellene’s resentment toward Proméon must run.
And as for what Pellene truly felt toward Hermane—not Proméon—she could not fathom that at all.
‘Did she circle around me pretending to be a friend, waiting for a chance at revenge?’
Had Pellene hated Hermane as well? Unlike Proméon, Hermane had not directly betrayed her—but she had been the primary reason for that betrayal, the king of humans.
Proméon had used Pellene to strike the gods from behind and steal a precious weapon, passing it to humanity—all for Hermane. For his precious and steadfast lover, who kept trying to walk dangerous paths.
Hermane had wanted to build a society where humans could combine their strength and wisdom to become self-sufficient without relying on the gods. Naturally, this offended the gods.
Not only the gods, but also the conservative privileged class among humans—the priesthood—stood against her. It had only been a matter of time before she would be arrested for blasphemy and subjected to an unfair trial.
Before that could happen, Proméon struck first. So that the woman he loved would not have to soil her hands in filth, he took upon himself the vile role of betraying a friend.
How much of those circumstances did Pellene know? Setting aside Proméon, how deeply did she believe Hermane had been involved?
If, in Pellene’s eyes, Proméon and Hermane were no different—just the same kind of human—then Noxia Dekan, the reincarnation of that king, would be a mortal enemy to her as well.
The thought that Pellene, wearing the shell of Carnen Holvi, might have secretly hated her sank Noxia’s heart into sorrow.
‘……In the last life, and in this one too, you were precious to me.’
My very first friend. My closest companion. A bond of this life formed even before Elenon Hermeon. And yet, you—
“Hermane, Pellene does not resent you.”
Proméon, who had been quietly watching Noxia, spoke suddenly. She flinched, feeling as though her thoughts had been completely exposed, yet she looked at him intently, desperately wanting to believe his words were true.
“The only one Pellene hates is me. In this life, the way she treated you as a friend was sincere. So you don’t need to grieve, fearing that everything was deception.”
Proméon spoke soothingly. It was not that he had read her mind. He simply knew how to observe even the smallest flicker of expression from Noxia Dekan—the one who carried Hermane’s soul.
Having studied Hermane’s very existence across three lifetimes, there was no way he would fail to perceive her inner thoughts. The insight he had accumulated through an eternity forced upon him had sharpened his gaze all the more.
He understood exactly what comfort she needed in that moment and gently touched the fragile part of her heart.
He was not being cunning to win her favor. He simply wanted to console her sincerely. Because he loved her—though twisted by a curse, love was still love.
“……Really?”
Noxia asked softly. Relief that Pellene did not resent her mingled with anxiety that even this might be another sweet lie crafted by Proméon.
And at the same time, she felt a cruel sorrow for him. The gentleness in his eyes as he confessed that Pellene hated only him—so tender, so piercingly transparent.
Proméon had long grown accustomed to being hated. In a past life, his friend Pellene had called him a traitor. In that same life, his lifelong love Hermane had resented him for forcing her into reincarnation.
He always said he was sorry, yet he never regretted his actions. Even while being resented and wounded, he never gave up. Clinging pitifully and cruelly, he slowly ruined both himself and the one he loved.
Once, alongside the ancient king, he had been the most brilliant and steadfast of ancient heroes. Now he was twisted beyond recognition—because of the curse of immortality he bore as the price of defying the gods.
Compassion welled up in Noxia’s heart. A compassion strikingly similar to the pure love that had once blazed for him in her first life.
“Yes. Really.”
Proméon swore it. There was no falsehood in his eyes.
Noxia gazed at him quietly. Blue eyes and green eyes searched into one another. Proméon stared endlessly at the deep green eyes that bore not the slightest resemblance to the pale blue eyes he longed for.
Noxia opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. The tangled threads stretching back through past lives felt too heavy. Even now, she wanted to run away again—cowardly as it might be.
“I’m tired.”
She said it abruptly. Proméon nodded.
“Then rest. I’ll be outside.”
Proméon rose from his seat. Noxia frowned and abruptly grabbed his sleeve.
“Aren’t you going to rest? Don’t you need to sleep?”
Proméon’s eyes widened, as if he hadn’t expected her to touch him.
Though it wasn’t bare skin, it was rare for Noxia to initiate physical contact of her own accord. In this life, it had always been Proméon who reached out first. Just as in the second life.
“I can sleep, but I don’t need to. So don’t worry about me—just rest comfortably.”
Proméon said gently. Once again, he spoke only the truth.
If he wished, he could sleep at any time. But unlike ordinary humans, his body did not grow tired even without sleep.
For him, sleeping was purely a matter of habit. Or sometimes, when his mind was too tangled or his heart too noisy, he would sleep simply to shut off his consciousness.
Unlike him, Noxia needed sleep not only for her heart, but for her body’s rest as well. He had offered to step away so as not to disturb her rest—yet she held him back instead.
“Stay here with me. Since we got a double room anyway… don’t run away.”
Noxia pleaded. It was rather shameless, urging him not to run when she herself had run all the way here—but there was no one here to blame her.
“It’s lonely when you’re alone.”
She added softly. Did she mean she would be lonely? Or that she feared he would be? Without a subject, it was impossible to tell.
Proméon hesitated, his sleeve still caught in her grasp, then silently yielded to her request and slowly sat down on the bed.
Noxia released his sleeve and closed her eyes. Lying straight like a doll, hands neatly folded over her stomach, she breathed evenly.
Proméon watched her body rise and fall with her slow breaths. Then, as if on impulse, he parted his lips and began to whisper a gentle melody.
The lyrics were achingly familiar to Noxia—yet distant as a dream, having leapt across two entire lifetimes. An ancient lullaby long forgotten, a folk song remembered by few in this era.
Silent tears gathered beneath Noxia’s closed eyelids. When a clear tear rolled down, Proméon instinctively reached out and pressed it away with his thumb.
She flinched slightly but did not open her eyes or brush his hand aside. He slowly wiped the tears from her cheek, then withdrew his fingers.
The lullaby continued. The immortal and the reincarnated coexisted as though preserved in time. Like strangers in this era, they sank into ancient memories—until one of them soon drifted into deep sleep.
Listening to Noxia’s soft breathing, Proméon gradually let the lullaby fade. As the archaic lyrics dissolved, the room grew far quieter than before.
He gazed silently at her sleeping face, and as he once had, pressed a kiss to the ends of her hair.
There were no long-term plans. No short-term goals either. Since this life was merely an extra one she had gained, Noxia simply waited for time to pass meaninglessly, repeating dreams and waking each day.
It felt as though a great hole had been pierced through her chest. The name of that emptiness was longing.
Though it had ultimately been her own choice, that did not make parting hurt any less.
She missed Elenon. Her first love of this life, who by now would have completely forgotten her.
She hoped that, after enduring various inconveniences while dating a commoner like her, he would next meet a woman he could be with comfortably and without worry.
Someone far simpler and more whole than herself—someone who belonged only to the present, unentangled with the complicated bonds and ill-fated connections of past lives or with transcendent beings.
She hoped he would fall in love with such a person and live happily.
Looking back now, she felt that not drawing a firm line the moment she realized Elenon liked her—and that she liked him—had been an immense act of selfishness.
If she had regained the memories of her past life earlier, would she have been able to reject him? Would she have been able to hide her feelings?
