CHAPTER 91………………………………………………………………………
“‘Getting used to this’ first?”
What exactly is he planning to do here…?
My heart thumped violently.
I bit my lips, feeling like my heartbeat might literally jump out of my chest.
But just then, the hand that had been holding mine tightly slipped away.
I felt a pang of disappointment as the warmth vanished—but before I could dwell on it, Sidereon reached out with one arm and pulled my waist toward him.
Huh?
It felt like my nose might touch his chest.
He gently patted my struggling back, murmuring with a satisfied tone:
“I’ve heard couples sleep like this—close together.”
This close?
How are we supposed to sleep like this?!
I wiggled slightly, protesting in a tiny voice.
“I don’t think I could sleep… it’s too hot like this.”
Sidereon was fire-elemental, so his body tended to be warm.
I, on the other hand, was water-elemental, so my body was naturally cool.
Even a child would know that, yet he didn’t seem to care.
As expected, my excuse didn’t work; he chuckled softly and whispered:
“I hear fire and water elements complement each other.”
I didn’t want to ask what he meant by that.
“L-Let’s just sleep!”
I doubted I could actually fall asleep like this, but if I pretended, maybe I could at least silence Sidereon.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to sleep.
The sound of my heart pounding was nearly overwhelming.
Even now, being this close to Sidereon felt unbelievable, embarrassing, and shameful…
But at the same time, it felt… good.
I like Sidereon.
Even in this moment, pressed together so closely I couldn’t distinguish whose heartbeat was whose… and even the Sidereon in front of me.
I just want to stay like this.
I slightly opened one eye, and our gazes met—his eyes soft and tender.
Startled, I closed it again immediately, and our pressed-together bodies stirred slightly with his quiet chuckle.
The teasing made me choke up a little, but I didn’t dislike it.
I liked that Sidereon looked at me that way.
…Even thinking about him giving that look to someone else sent chills through my whole body.
I really can’t do this.
I didn’t want to use any love potion.
Even if Blake tried to sabotage our relationship.
Somehow, I feel like Sidereon now would keep trusting me.
Of course, I wasn’t planning to just rely on that trust.
Lost in thoughts, I eventually drifted off to sleep.
In the quiet of my slumber, Sidereon grew bewildered at the soft sounds of my breathing.
…Is she really asleep?
Truly?
He withdrew the hand that had been holding my waist and poked my soft cheek.
“Mmm…”
One of my hands flailed weakly, as if to push him away, before dropping limply over his shoulder.
“Huh…”
It was ridiculous.
Just a moment ago, my heart had been pounding so loudly it nearly drowned out his own, and now I had fallen asleep so quickly?
Sidereon had worried I might faint from how loudly my heart had been thumping.
Worrying…
It was strange to realize he could ‘worry’ about someone else.
He placed a hand on his chest—right over his heart.
The pounding was slightly faster than usual.
Not as extreme as with Lilia, but still different from normal.
At least he wasn’t the only one feeling this way… he thought.
“This is absurd.”
It felt like I alone had lost my composure.
Sidereon reached out and smoothed the tangled hair on her head.
His palm brushed over the soft strands.
After a few gentle strokes, he withdrew his hand and sat up.
Though he said he needed to get used to Lilia, it seemed he was also addressing himself.
Just a brief embrace had already left him feeling off balance.
He sighed softly and brushed his bangs aside.
Sleep is out of the question.
Flash.
When I opened my eyes, the sunlight was bright.
No—rather, it felt more like midday than morning, the sun warm on my skin.
Checking the time, it really was noon.
…I fell asleep like that?
I had been deep in thought about something serious, but when did I actually fall asleep?
…Well, it was still within sleeping hours.
I had to admit, I was impressive for keeping a proper sleep schedule no matter the situation.
Sidereon must have gone to work…
Seeing the empty space beside me, I stretched my arms.
I felt surprisingly refreshed after such a deep sleep.
At this time, Kira must be busy alone.
I decided I should get ready and head to the office.
Just as I stepped out of bed—
Knock, knock.
“Milady! Are you still asleep?”
It was Merry’s voice from outside.
“No, I just woke up. Come in.”
With a creak, Merry opened the door and entered.
“You woke up late today.”
“Mm, sometimes days like this happen.”
“…Is the master being… overly attentive?”
She asked with a dejected expression.
In a way, yes, but…
I remained silent, and Merry handed me a bowl of water to wash my face.
While roughly wiping my face and pressing the towel, I noticed her usually bright expression was unusually sullen.
“What’s wrong?”
As if she had been waiting for me to ask, Merry began to sniffle.
“Mi–lady…”
She began to pour out her worries. Naturally, it was about Richard.
She wanted to express her feelings but hadn’t found a chance.
Ah, I never told Merry before.
That Richard seemed to like her.
Well, it might be my misunderstanding. He appeared that way, but appearances could be deceiving.
I patted her shoulder and offered ordinary comfort. Honestly, there wasn’t much more I could do.
“There’s no reason to avoid him. Maybe it’s just your imagination—or he really is busy.”
Merry shook her head vigorously.
“No! I saw him talking in the hallway with Chesher after saying he had urgent business!”
Chesher was the maid living next door to Merry, if I remembered correctly.
“…Does Sir Richard like Chesher?”
That seemed a bit far-fetched.
“Merry, then why don’t you just confess?”
“Eh?”
Merry’s eyes went wide at my casual suggestion.
I added some clarification.
“Merry, before you said just seeing him made you happy, right?”
“Yes.”
“But now you want to confess. Doesn’t that mean you want to be with him?”
At my blunt words, Merry’s face turned bright red.
“W-With him?! …Yes. I think so.”
Her solemn agreement looked rather cute.
Mentally, I am the older one here anyway.
“But even if I want to confess, he avoids me…”
“He’s not ignoring or running from you. Was there really no chance at all?”
“Well…”
Merry hesitated, then admitted quietly:
“…There was a chance, I guess.”
“Good. Then that’s your opportunity!”
“What if it makes things worse with him…?”
I thought for a moment.
It probably won’t make things worse.
Because his gaze, even if I misread it, was rather kind…
Why does Sidereon from last night suddenly come to mind?
I shook my head, brushing away thoughts of him, and spoke to Merry seriously.
“I’ve learned something living in this world: relationships meant to drift apart will, no matter what. But those meant to stay together—nothing can separate them.”
Feeling pleased with my own words, Merry’s face lit up with admiration.
“Milady… I’m older than you, but…”
…Why say that with such a face? Confusing.
“But I think I understand what you mean.”
She straightened her posture, gaining courage.
“You got closer to the master in that way, right?”
“Huh?”
“I’ll try to be brave too!”
She clenched her fists and left the room.
Merry’s words hit me unexpectedly.
…She meant she got closer to Sidereon that way?
No, she was wrong.
I didn’t get closer to Sidereon.
I hadn’t even tried.
Up until now, I had only been running away and avoiding him.
And now…
No, even now, my attitude hasn’t changed. I still haven’t expressed my feelings.
Even now, after deciding not to divorce…
I’m really stubborn.
I thought I liked him, yet I never said it.
“I can’t blame Merry. I, too… to Sidereon…”
To Sidereon…
Just thinking about him made my chest flutter, my heart pounding like it would burst.
If that happens just thinking, could I even speak properly in front of him?
Suddenly, I felt guilty for speaking so carelessly to Merry.
Confessions can never be simple.
A little guilty…
But if the love potion really amplifies emotions, then Richard’s feelings are certain.
Merry’s side is clear, and so is mine…
I fidgeted with my lips and got up.
After thinking so much, I wanted to see Sidereon.
Even if I didn’t reveal my feelings, I just wanted to see him.
Perhaps seeing him would help me make a decision.
Is this what love feels like?
After over twenty years of solitary experience across two lives, I could hardly claim to understand love.
In that sense, maybe I’m not so different from Sidereon.
Lost in thought, I reached for the door handle.
“Milady?”
It was Kira. She must have come looking for me since I hadn’t arrived at the office by lunch.
I blurted out an excuse, feeling guilty.
“I was just about to head to the office…”
“That’s fine. But a guest has come for you.”
“A guest?”
For me?
Kira nodded.
“Yes. They said a guest from the Reigen Dukedom. What would you like to do?”
From the Reigen Dukedom…
“Miss Reigen?”
