Chapter 51
“Shai, are you alright?”
A rough, blunt voice directed at her.
Show affection. Be kind.
She wanted to sulk. Without raising her head, she shot back,
“What if I’m not?”
Pathetic.
She was frustrated with herself for the ridiculous tantrum she had thrown earlier, yet here she was, saying something so childish.
“Didn’t you promise to tell me if you weren’t alright?”
The answer, stubbornly lacking any tact, made her even more annoyed.
“I don’t remember that.”
“Lift your head, please.”
The same unchanging, stern voice felt like proof that she could not leave a single scratch on him—and she hated it.
“No.”
“We agreed to be on the same side. How can we strategize if we don’t even meet each other’s gaze?”
“My head hurts. Later.”
Then he fell silent.
Time passed.
Shai stayed still. She couldn’t think of any other way to calm the turmoil within her.
Did he leave already?
She didn’t hear him leave, but Shai knew that Benjamin could move without making a sound if he wanted to, so it seemed plausible.
Lately, when she thought of Benjamin, feelings of paradoxical complexity stirred within her, surprising even herself.
At first, it was shock that the Grand Duke was her husband. Then curiosity. Then fondness.
And now…
She wanted to run away. She was scared.
In some ways, Benjamin made her more uncomfortable than her own father, William.
With William, she knew his dark inner thoughts, so she felt disgusted but not uneasy.
But she couldn’t read Benjamin.
Despite his cold exterior, he subtly cared for her and made her believe he treasured her, yet in crucial moments, he neither expressed love nor even said he liked her.
Shai wanted that consistency in both words and actions if he truly loved her. It was a wish born from growing up under a hypocritical father.
Yet she couldn’t understand why she expected this from Benjamin.
Their marriage wasn’t born of passionate love; it was a political match born of necessity. She didn’t want to exaggerate any kindness or fondness shown by him.
She feared that, like with her nanny, she might fall into solitary, passionate feelings.
Aware of her own deficiencies, she wanted to be cautious.
When Shai slowly lifted her hand from her forehead and opened her eyes, Benjamin—whom she thought had left—was kneeling, meeting her gaze.
“Does it hurt a lot?”
His hand naturally reached out and touched the spot on her forehead where her hand had been.
He had been kneeling, waiting until she raised her head. Though a similar posture might appear servile in someone else, his straight-backed posture made him look dignified.
The stubborn attitude made her smile in spite of herself.
Shai lifted her head like a queen and said haughtily,
“It hurts.”
It hurt. It hurt so much she could barely endure it.
Her heart ached, and he was sitting there, kneeling, watching her for weaknesses—it was terrifying.
She couldn’t tell what emotions lay in those sharp, predatory eyes, which made her even more fearful.
Even if his actions didn’t seem calculated, she wondered how terrifying it would be if they were.
Despite the mismatch between his words and demeanor, Benjamin’s worried expression reassured her instead of criticizing.
It felt comforting. It seemed like he cared for her.
She wanted to believe, even though she had sworn not to trust anyone; she wanted affection, even while trying to sever her heart.
Even though she had previously drawn the line, crying that it was only a cooperative relationship, she didn’t want his kindness to disappear. She wanted to hold on—to grip tightly and calm the turmoil within.
Shai was fully aware of the contradictions within her.
“Then I’ll call a doctor right away.”
As Benjamin started to rise, Shai held him back.
“No need. Don’t call. I’m not physically hurt.”
Shai looked at Benjamin. A strange warmth colored his deep blue eyes.
She reached out and pulled him toward her.
Benjamin followed willingly. Impulsively, Shai grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his.
The warmth of his lips touched hers. Her heart raced; their breaths intertwined, and she realized her actions were impulsive, born from confusion and longing.
Yet she didn’t want to break the kiss.
She clung to him, unwilling to let go.
It was a strange mixture of reassurance and excitement. Even knowing it was an impulsive act to soothe her inner anxiety, she couldn’t stop.
The more anxious she felt, the more she wanted to stay close to him.
Just as Shai tried to pull away, Benjamin’s hands held her neck and waist firmly.
Shai instinctively tried to retreat, but Benjamin drew her closer into himself.
Shai closed her eyes.
It was a soft yet insistently deep kiss, as if to explore every inch. Until the electric sensation coursed through her body, until the feeling of unity fully soaked them both, he wouldn’t let go.
Her fingertips trembled as they scraped the floor.
When he briefly pulled away, she couldn’t endure the pause and clung to him actively this time.
Though this wasn’t their first intimate contact, with her memory erased, it felt like the first. Hence, the same fiery tremor flared within her.
They explored each other deeply, eyes wide with longing, no one taking the lead.
They knew, through their gaze, that they wanted each other. They were husband and wife, and if they desired it, no constraints existed.
Benjamin whispered in a low voice near Shai’s ear,
“If you don’t want this, say so.”
The ticklish, thrilling sensation made Shai tense at his neck, but the action revealed eagerness and excitement.
Shai didn’t answer. Instead, she pulled him closer. That was answer enough.
Benjamin buried his lips in her neck. A soft, admiring sigh escaped Shai.
Meanwhile, Marilla had given Betty a sum of money. It wasn’t generous, but it wasn’t insufficient either.
Just enough to leave the Grand Duke’s territory and travel to the lands of Count Alandra.
Betty took a hired carriage, surviving on coarse bread and small pats of butter like commoners, until she reached near Count Alandra’s estate.
Fortunately, she was not being tracked. On the first day, she constantly looked back to see if anyone followed, but by the second day, her tension eased slightly.
When she finally fell asleep on the shabby bed of a worn inn, she dreamed of times far more comfortable, or of the happy moments with William.
Upon waking and realizing it was a dream, tears of emptiness welled, but each time, Betty soothed herself by touching the ring hidden in her pocket.
William will save me. He’ll take care of those who caused me trouble!
Believing like a child, she looked toward Count Alandra’s main gate, tears suddenly overflowing.
But she wasn’t foolish enough to knock on the gate to seek Count Alandra. Using the remaining coins, she sent a street urchin along the route William had arranged to establish contact.
Soon, the boy arrived at the inn where she stayed. Betty hurriedly asked,
“What did he say?”
The boy held up three fingers.
“He said you’d know if I showed this.”
Betty couldn’t read. Among the three, only Dera could read, and even then, Jacaren only knew numbers and a few words.
Betty always felt inferior for this, but comforted herself thinking she was the prettiest among the three.
So before leaving, she arranged meeting signals with hand gestures for the boy.
Three fingers meant 3 a.m., three fingers crossed meant 3 p.m. Three a.m. was soon, just a little wait.
Betty barely touched her evening meal, waiting anxiously.
Finally, she could settle this humiliation.
If it were William, he would take her in his arms, soothe her gently, and resolve this terrible situation at once.
Regarding Shai, William had always held the initiative, and nothing had ever gone against his wishes.
3 a.m.
Darkness had fallen, and sounds faded.
In the quiet evening, Betty had already arrived at the meeting place.
Shadows painted by darkness and moonlight fell over her, but she merely waited anxiously for William.
“Ah!”
Seeing him, she ran to him in a single bound, embracing him. Familiar warmth enveloped her, tears welling.
“William, I missed you so much.”
Betty tightened her grip on his back, calling out in emotion. William wrapped his arms around her and wiped her tears.
“You’ve been through a lot. Seems like something happened in the Grand Duchy.”
“Yes. So much happened. But… now that I’ve met you, I have nothing to worry about.”
Betty fervently expressed her faith in William. He reached out warmly, stroking her head as if to comfort her heart.
Betty began confessing all that had happened during her time apart, comforted by his touch.
