Chapter 9
Without making a sound—when had he arrived?
“Did I interrupt?”
Benjamin asked stiffly.
A towering build, sharp features—his presence alone carried an oppressive weight that could easily cow anyone. He felt like a massive, unyielding boulder that no weapon could pierce.
Even the young ladies who admitted they were intimidated by him still found his large, strong figure admirable.
“No, it’s fine. What brings you…?”
“Does a husband need a special reason to come see his wife?”
Since that was true, Shy had nothing to say in response. He was intimidating, yes, but oddly enough she didn’t feel uncomfortable with him from the start.
“How is your injury?”
“Other than occasional headaches, I’m fine. The physician changes my bandages regularly and checks on me.”
Benjamin reached out a large, calloused hand toward her face, moving with surprising caution. He gently cupped her cheek, then lightly touched the bandaged area with his fingertips. Despite the roughness of his hands, the touch was astonishingly delicate.
The wound was near the edge of her forehead—thankfully, in a spot that didn’t require shaving her hair. It was about the length of a finger joint. Since she’d been unconscious when the doctor stitched her up, she hadn’t felt the pain at all.
He’s not affectionate, but he does respect me… and I treated someone like that badly? Could there be something I can’t remember—something he did wrong to me?
“They said it might leave a scar. Weren’t you the sort to cry over even the smallest scratch?”
I’m not that sensitive…
Compared to what she had endured in the Count Alrantra’s household, this was nothing.
“It’s in a place I can cover with my hair, so it’s fine.”
Benjamin’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before returning to their usual composure.
Shy decided to probe him a bit.
“In your memories, was I the type to make a fuss over the smallest wound? Did I ever scream hysterically?”
Benjamin fell silent for a moment, his face as unreadable as ever.
Guess I did scream. Probably fussed over the tiniest cut…
“If screaming could ease the pain, I’d say it’s a reasonable method.”
He glanced at her slight build.
“You’re small and delicate—what would be a minor wound to others probably hurt you several times more.”
From another man, it might have sounded embarrassing, but from Benjamin it felt like a plain statement of fact.
“You care for me a lot.”
“You’re my wife.”
He’s a man with a strong sense of responsibility.
It wasn’t because she was special—he had married her, so he would fulfill that responsibility.
It’s not about me as a person.
“If I was like that before, I’ll try to be more considerate now. Making a scene over a small injury isn’t dignified. I plan to think deeply about my responsibilities as the Grand Duchess while I recover.”
At that, something flickered in Benjamin’s gaze before settling. His voice dropped lower.
“You don’t have to hold back.”
She stayed quiet, listening.
“I mean you don’t need to endure things when you’re in pain. So what if you make a fuss over a small wound? As you said—you’re the Grand Duchess.”
The unexpected response threw her off. His indifferent tone made her oddly uneasy.
“I want to do it for myself as well. Mistreating people eventually comes back to you like a boomerang.”
“If you have power, you can catch that boomerang and snap it in half. If that’s what you want, I’ll gladly do it for you.”
“Because I’m your wife?”
“Yes, because you’re my wife.”
“And if it were someone else, you wouldn’t put up with them being overly sensitive?”
“That’s correct.”
In short, she was getting special treatment—because she was his wife, his responsibility.
But constantly indulging someone wasn’t always right.
“If your wife is heading down the wrong path, you should stop her, Your Grace.”
He nodded.
“That’s true, Shy. A poor strategy should be corrected. By the way, what about that promise to call me by my name?”
“Ah, yes—Benjamin.”
He thought for a moment, then nodded as if satisfied.
“In the past, if something displeased you even a little, you’d get sensitive—throw things, even. And afterward, you looked more exhausted than before, so it certainly wasn’t a good method.”
Hearing her past described so smoothly made her cheeks burn.
So much for calling him taciturn… It’s the truth, but hearing it so bluntly, without emotion, almost makes it feel objective. Still… it’s complicated.
“But you never actually harmed anyone, Shy. Even when you threw things, it was toward empty space, and you preferred soft objects over anything that could break or injure. I figured it was because you were unsettled by our sudden marriage. And now, with your memories gone, it feels like you’ve returned to the young lady you once were.”
“From what I see, I must have bought plenty of expensive things too.”
It felt strange to speak of faults she couldn’t remember, but she had to say it.
“That much I can handle.”
His ready acceptance left her oddly deflated.
Some people are very tolerant—but allowing everything could also mean they didn’t really care what you did.
Maybe the past me was trying to get his attention.
“So whatever I did… it never really affected you?”
“No, not exactly. You were… the only one who could make me kneel.”
For the first time, a faint blush colored Benjamin’s face.
“I could make you kneel?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
He stepped closer quietly.
“Do you want to remember?”
He was so near she could feel his breath. She instinctively stepped back.
“Ah… not yet.”
“I thought so.”
She had no idea what he meant by making him kneel, but she didn’t want to know right now—not in this confused state.
“You remember nothing at all?”
“No.”
Even a fragment would have helped her understand what she had felt back then, why she had acted that way. But she remembered nothing—everything had been wiped clean.
“The doctor said some memories never come back. I might have to live my whole life without the last year and a half.”
“I’ve heard that too. It must be unsettling.”
“Yes. It sounds like an excuse, but… I didn’t live here the way I do now. I can’t understand why.”
She looked at him.
Benjamin Riverstar.
Now, her husband.
She still didn’t know him well, but she had figured out one thing: he was straightforward.
She had thought he was inscrutable, but he simply chose his words carefully. He might not reveal everything, but he didn’t seem the type to sugarcoat things either.
Still, I don’t know yet. His looks are definitely my type, but that alone doesn’t make me like someone.
She studied his face.
Does he speak like this because it’s me, or would he be like this with anyone? From the way he deals with people, it’s not as if he’s unfamiliar with the ways of high society or politics.
“If you can’t understand it, then you can’t. What’s past is past,” Benjamin said.
“Whether you remember or not, you’re my wife.”
He enunciated each word deliberately.
“Yes.”
Her head throbbed, her mind tangled—but his repeated words had made one thing clear.
“Then we can start over,” she said, brushing her hair back.
“Our married life.”
There are so many things in life you can’t start over, no matter how much you want to.
Maybe it was lucky that she had the chance to grab hold before too much time had passed.
She smiled faintly and held out her hand.
“I look forward to it, Benjamin.”
“And I to you, Shy.”
Their hands met. Last time, he had taken hers unilaterally—this time, it was her own choice, making it feel different.
With a smile, she joked,
“I feel like we should have a first kiss to seal the vow.”
Naturally, she had no memory of their wedding.
In the past, couples had exchanged a vow’s kiss, but lately, it was falling out of custom. Whichever it had been, her joy back then would probably have been because it meant leaving the Count Alrantra’s house.
“It may not be our first kiss,” Benjamin said, pulling her gently by the hand and wrapping an arm around her waist,
“but I can make it feel like one.”
