SFBED 39

Chapter 39

The word possessiveness… the moment it lingered in my mind, a throbbing pain struck me.
My heart tingled as a heavy numbness spread through it, cold sweat broke across my body, and a pounding headache swelled.
Even breathing became difficult.

“Ugh…!”
“Yulia?”
“My head… it feels like it’s going to split open.”

The sharper the pain became, the more my consciousness blurred.
Even as I drifted toward unconsciousness, I could hear Chester urgently calling for the imperial physician.

But that wasn’t who I needed.

“Chester… stay with me.”

Gripping his clothes tightly, I surrendered my body into his arms.
He seemed to shout something, but I couldn’t hear anything.
My blurred vision faded into darkness.

When I saw Chester together with Lady Chloe, my heart nearly stopped.
More precisely, it was because for the first time, his eyes were not cold.
I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t.

The gaze I had wished would turn toward me was instead directed at another woman.

Crack—
My fingertips trembled.
His eyes were supposed to be fixed on me—and me alone—so seeing them pinned on another woman made me anxious.

I liked Chester first.
All the effort I had poured into him now felt like it had evaporated into nothing.

I almost marched over and interrupted them right then, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I turned my back and left.
If I kept looking at them even for one more second, I felt like I might truly lose my mind.

“Chester!”

The next day, I went to look for him.
Even though I already knew the truth, I pretended not to know anything, just like always, and visited Chester as if nothing had changed.

I threw open the office door—but he wasn’t there.
I searched all over the ducal estate, yet not even a single strand of Chester’s hair could be found.

Every day he claimed he was too busy to spare me even a glance, burying himself in paperwork and refusing to leave his office—yet suddenly he was nowhere.

So I went to the head butler.

“Butler! Where is Chester?”
“His Grace had an appointment and went out.”
“Where did he go?”

Because I visited the ducal estate so frequently, the butler had grown accustomed to me and told me where Chester went.

I rushed to the place he mentioned.
Nothing was impossible for an imperial princess.

Even from a great distance, I could recognize Chester.
I could see him, but he could not see me.

And beside him was a blonde woman.

Most likely Lady Chloe—the girl I had seen yesterday.

I slowly approached, stopping only when I was close enough to see his eyes.
I no longer cared if he saw me.

“Chester…”

Everything collapsed.

I had never once seen him look at anyone with such warmth—such tenderness.

I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t.
He had never offered me even the faintest smile… yet he smiled at her.

I liked Chester first.
I pursued him first.
I met him first.
I confessed first.
So why?

Why was someone else standing at the end of his gaze?

“….”

My legs gave out, and I staggered.
I couldn’t bear to look at them anymore.
I wanted to ignore it, deny that his gaze was meant for someone other than me.

I don’t remember how I returned to the imperial palace.

When I came to, a clear liquid streamed down my cheeks.
I let out a hollow laugh at the sight.

“No… no, I saw it wrong…”

Tomorrow, I would go to the Duke of Zickbert’s estate again.
I had to see Chester face-to-face. Only then could I calm down.

After a difficult sleep, I woke up, washed, and dressed.
Because I cried yesterday, the corners of my eyes were still red, so I covered them with makeup.

And today, I headed to the ducal estate earlier than usual—afraid that if I arrived even a little late, he might not be there.

I threw away all dignity befitting a princess.

I hurried to his office and flung the door open.
Thankfully, Chester was inside today.

“Haa… Your Highness.”

As always, he looked at me with the expression of someone inconvenienced.
He smiled so warmly for Lady Chloe—
So why did he wear that expression toward me, the one who said she loved him?

But the moment I saw his face, my heart reacted again.
In front of you… I always become weaker.

“It would be best if Your Highness returned now.”
“Chester…”
“I will see you out. Please return for today.”

I was weak before him, yet he pushed me away.
Was I asking for too much?
I wasn’t begging for his love—I just didn’t want him to cast me aside.

I was going to keep trying, keep expressing my feelings until he accepted them—
But instead, he turned his eyes to another woman.

What was I supposed to do?
My vision swam.

“I… I liked you first!”

Yes. What did it matter that I was a princess?
I love you.

So why did my chest ache as if I might cry at any moment?
Why did my legs feel so weak?

“What… what do I lack compared to that woman?”
“Your Highness.”
“That’s right. I’m the empire’s only princess! There’s nothing I can’t have! So why are you—”

My legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor.
Clinging to his leg, I begged—something no princess should ever do.

I clung to him desperately.

But Chester’s gaze remained cold—so cold it felt like ice.
Not even a trace of warmth.

In fact, his expression seemed to say he found all of this exhausting.

“You shouldn’t waste your time here. It would be best if you returned.”

From experience chasing him, I knew this was the bare minimum courtesy he allowed me only because I was a princess.

His patience was wearing thin, but he couldn’t treat me harshly.
Not openly—not because of who I was.

But this wasn’t what I wanted.
I liked him first, loved him first, begged for his affection first.

I loved Chester even before he looked at that woman!

“Chester…! You can’t treat me like this!”

I was the one who came first.
So why did he look at me with annoyance, with eyes that said he didn’t want to deal with me?
Did he hate me that much?

Then what if I acted like that woman?
What if I changed myself to look like her?
Would he finally look at me?

“Chester, then… I’ll dye my hair blonde like Lady Chloe, and I’ll use medicine to turn my purple eyes green! Then maybe—!”

Will you look at me with warmth? Even once?

If that’s what it takes, then I’ll return to that time I never wanted to remember.
If you like blondes, then I’ll dye my hair that color I once loathed.

“That won’t be necessary. No matter what Your Highness looks like… you will never catch my interest.”

Chester was merciless.

I liked him first.
I confessed first.
I approached him first.
So why wouldn’t he accept me?

It was unfair.
I loved him more.
I waited longer.

Then why… why was someone else in his eyes, not me?

“No matter what Your Highness says, nothing will change.”

“….”

“Even if you dye your silver hair gold… even if you change your violet eyes to green… my heart will not change.”

My legs gave out again, and I collapsed.
Hot tears I had been holding back streamed down my cheeks.
With trembling hands, I grabbed his ankle again.

“Chester… you can’t do this to me…”
“….”
“I’ll change! I’ll change myself. I’ll act just like her!”
“No, Your Highness cannot replace Lady Chloe.”
“I’ll give everything up. Okay? I’ll match myself to you entirely…”

Won’t you look at me?

After all the love I’ve given you… is this my reward? Really?

“No… You know how much I like you. You can’t really mean this…”
“Your Highness. If you continue like this, you will only trouble me.”

Chester’s eyes were not just cold—they were freezing.
My trembling hands let go of his ankle.

“How… Chester, how can you treat me like this…? I said I would even give up myself for you…”

My voice shook violently.
All the time I invested into believing he would open his heart—it had all turned to dust.

“Your Highness.”

He bent down on one knee and met my eyes.
For a brief moment, I had hope.

Chester held my chin.
His blood-red eyes locked onto mine.

“Since Your Highness loves me, I hope you will understand.”

“What…?”

Is that something you say to someone who begged you—just once—to look at her without coldness?