Chapter 83
Tsukiyo and Christmas (③)
It was 4:30 PM, the time when we should start heading toward Kudou-san’s house.
Tsukiyo and I walked to the natural park near the mall. It had been a while since we’d come here—not because we had fought, but ever since that commotion, we had reconciled.
This time, Tsukiyo walked ahead. Her long chestnut hair reached the small of her back, swaying in the wind. I waited for her to speak.
“This… is about a friend of mine,” she said.
“…A friend, huh?”
I had never heard her say something like this about a friend. Surely, she knew that, too. Tsukiyo slowly turned toward me.
“That friend seems to have someone they like. Someone kind, reliable… someone who helps them when things are hard… apparently.”
“That’s… completely the opposite of me, isn’t it?”
“Geez…”
Tsukiyo made a slightly displeased face.
“It seems the person they like likes them back. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ve been watching, and that’s the impression I get.”
“I see…”
My chest skipped a beat. Had she seen right through me, or…?
“But I can’t see into the heart of the person they like at all. It’s completely dark… so they’re hesitating about confessing. They can’t step forward.”
Tsukiyo looked at me intently.
…If this is the story she’s telling, then I want to reveal my own feelings.
“I see. Maybe that person doesn’t want to move forward yet,” I said.
“Doesn’t want to…?”
“The next step… dating, being a couple, that sort of thing. Maybe the person who is liked feels inferior to that girl.”
“Huh?”
“She shines brighter than anyone, beautiful, kind… and maybe that person thinks they don’t deserve to walk beside her.”
“That can’t be!!”
Tsukiyo spoke firmly, raising her voice.
“She must like her… but she can’t imagine herself walking beside her… starts thinking she’s someone else… and that gap is unbearably painful.”
“…“
“Maybe that person is a lot like me,” I added.
“!”
Perhaps that sounded harsh. Tsukiyo clenched her teeth and closed her eyes.
“So maybe she doesn’t want to step forward. She’s happiest with things just as they are now.”
Tsukiyo fell silent. I glanced at the watch on my left wrist.
“It’s time to go. The Christmas party is starting.”
◇◇◇
We arrived at Kudou-san’s house with minimal conversation.
The party started at 6 PM as planned. I began talking with Seiya and Mizusato-san, while Tsukiyo spoke with Sera-san and Urihara-san… the party proceeded smoothly.
During the highly anticipated gift exchange, I ended up receiving a present from Seiya, which caused nearly all the girls to glare at me. Around my neck was a scarf made by Seiya. In my hand were gloves from Tsukiyo. Truly, the love from the Kamikami siblings was overflowing…
Several hours later, the party ended. Seiya said she would go home because she had a part-time job on the 25th morning. The girls were all staying over. Naturally, I wouldn’t stay alone, so I decided to go home with Seiya. We had planned to take a taxi, but I asked to be dropped off at the station nearest my house.
Seiya and I walked home together.
“So… what happened?”
Seiya noticed that I was clearly down. Even though it was my own fault, I wondered if I could have handled things differently. Would talking to Seiya help?
“I might have indirectly rejected Tsukiyo,” I admitted.
“I see,” Seiya replied.
She seemed to understand and didn’t press further. Maybe she sensed the atmosphere. I told her about the conversation with Tsukiyo at the park that afternoon.
“That’s… a roundabout way of handling it,” Seiya said.
“It’s my fault… I didn’t clearly show my feelings. But maybe it was good that I prevented Tsukiyo’s first confession, in the end.”
If she confessed and was rejected, she wouldn’t feel good about it. I wanted Tsukiyo to remain beautiful.
“I think it would have been better if she had confessed to me,” Seiya said.
“Huh?”
Seiya looked at me intently. Her chestnut hair, double-lidded eyes… she really resembled Tsukiyo. Maybe if she cross-dressed, she’d look like her. But now was not the time to think that. I just wanted to talk to Tsukiyo naturally, like Seiya could.
“The girls who confessed to me… they became stronger because of it. At least strong enough that I was drawn to them,” Seiya continued.
I realized… the girls who liked Seiya had confessed and been rejected, but they kept approaching her, wanting her attention. At least now, Seiya seems to see them differently from ordinary girls. Even though she had said she wouldn’t date anyone in high school, she’s clearly changed. Would Tsukiyo change the same way? But Tsukiyo and Seiya… they both feel like unattainable flowers. I, on the other hand, remain hidden… something indescribable. I wanted Tsukiyo to look upward, not downward. But is it wrong to wish that?
“Tsukiyo… deserves someone more ideal than me,” I muttered.
“Then get thoroughly disliked. If you completely tear her down, Tsukiyo will lose interest in you,” Seiya said.
“That’s impossible!”
I spoke strongly, before even thinking.
“You kind-hearted sun can’t do that. If Tsukiyo wants the relationship you desire, then there’s nothing more to say. After New Year’s Eve next week, we’ll all meet again. You should try talking to her then.”
It had been decided that on New Year’s Eve, everyone would gather and go for Hatsumode. One week until then. I needed to figure out what to do.
“Oh… we’ve arrived at the Kamikami house.”
“Going in?” Seiya asked.
“No, sorry,” I replied.
Seiya was considerate. It was late, and I shouldn’t trouble her any longer.
“I’ll tell Tsukiyo… but lately, this kind of thing keeps happening,” I said.
“…Sorry,” I muttered.
“I’m no one to lecture you, but… try being a little more honest.”
I thought about Seiya’s words as I walked home alone.
Hatsumode… I have to try talking to Tsukiyo. My feelings haven’t changed. I just don’t want to drift apart because of some half-hearted misunderstanding.
I pressed the gloves I received from Tsukiyo against my cheek and made a vow under the cold sky.
