Chapter 15
Damian realized the moment he stepped onto the battlefield that he had been mistaken.
Thinking that everything would be fine as long as the witch eventually died had been nothing but arrogance. Hearing in numbers how many lives were destroyed before her death and witnessing that devastation firsthand were completely different things.
He had thought that he might die if he was unlucky, but he had never truly believed it. In none of his imagined scenarios had such a thing happened.
But reality was different.
No matter how strong he was, no matter how many secrets he knew, as long as he fought in this hellish place, Damian understood that he could die at any moment.
And his motivation began to sink to rock bottom. He thought he never should have come in the first place. Still, his pride would not allow him to return home as a coward who had fled.
Several days after joining the allied forces, Damian found himself overwhelmed by helplessness after finishing yet another battle against enemies that never seemed to diminish no matter how many he cut down.
Thinking about having to repeat this kind of fight several more times made his spirits sink endlessly.
Born into a privileged position in a peaceful country, he had lived doing whatever he wanted. He had never known helplessness.
Now, facing frustration for the first time, he couldn’t control it well. He grew irritable toward those around him, which only worsened his mood.
Wanting to be alone, he walked toward a forest some distance from the camp to clear his head.
When he thought he had found a quiet enough place, he noticed someone who had arrived before him.
It was Daniela.
She turned at the sound of his presence and made an annoyed expression, clearly not wanting her solitude disturbed.
Damian, who had never once in his life worried about how others reacted to him, ignored it and shamelessly sat down beside her.
He wanted to be alone too, but he was curious about her.
He had heard plenty about Daniela’s achievements. He wondered how someone who didn’t look particularly talented in combat could accomplish so much, and he felt admiration for her.
That day, they had their first private conversation.
Mostly, Damian initiated it, and Daniela went along with him.
She was a good conversational partner. Talking with her eased his heart.
For days, he had been surrounded by soldiers with terrified expressions, and he was sick of their looks.
The looks that seemed to beg, Can’t you somehow save us?
Daniela was carefree. She answered him properly, yet seemed slightly bothered by him.
Damian liked that.
So he continued the conversation and asked her about something.
He knew she had been at a disadvantage throughout the war with Krobih. He wondered how she had endured it. Just a few days of this had already made his head feel like it would explode.
She replied casually,
“I just kept doing it… and somehow, I got used to it. I guess it became a routine.”
A routine.
Her lifeless answer deflated him a little.
“It sounds like you’re saying you live without thinking,” he said.
“Well, if thinking won’t bring anything good, it’s better not to,” she replied.
“I see.”
Only then did Damian realize it was the first time he had ever said something like that to someone.
Usually, he was the one who was told he lived without thinking.
Yeah, if I live without thinking, I’ll be fine. I’ll get through it without thinking.
He had thought so easily—but he was completely wrong.
He hadn’t been able to live without thinking because thinking brought nothing good.
It was because he could live however he wanted without thinking.
They were completely different.
When things didn’t go his way, Damian often fell into dark thoughts.
After finishing a fierce battle and cleaning up, Damian brushed off the sticky monster blood covering his sword and thought he couldn’t go on like this anymore.
So he looked at Daniela.
What she seemed to do effortlessly was unbearably difficult for him. He wondered how she managed it.
“Just don’t think and do it.”
Was that really possible?
Daniela, with her blank-looking face, was walking around stabbing fallen monsters to make sure they were dead.
The sun was setting, coloring her thoughtless expression beautifully.
Her pretty appearance and her brutal actions clashed horribly.
When Daniela stabbed one monster with her calm face, it let out a loud, dying scream.
She kept stabbing until it stopped, then moved on to the next one.
Still wearing that beautiful face.
Damian stared blankly at the surreal scene and realized that watching her helped erase his thoughts.
He couldn’t even remember what he had been worrying about before.
I think I was having some pretty bad thoughts earlier…
Now, all he could think about was Daniela.
After that, whenever troubling thoughts crept into his mind, Damian looked at her.
Like him, she was going through hardship, yet she worked with a face that looked utterly thoughtless.
No matter how many enemies she cut down.
No matter how many allies they lost.
Always.
Her face held no fear, no joy, no sorrow—just beauty. And looking at it comforted him.
He was tired of frightened faces, faintly hopeful faces, and faces that soon fell into despair.
Only she looked peaceful.
One day, even when he wasn’t struggling, he found himself watching her.
He saw her talking with Esmeralda, smiling shyly.
He completely forgot what he had been thinking about.
His mind filled with different thoughts.
Not thoughts that made him feel helpless.
Each day grew harder, but unlike before, he no longer fell into despair.
Contrary to what he had believed, this might truly be humanity’s last day.
But it didn’t seem that important anymore.
He just looked at Daniela.
On hard days, her face showed no expression. On easier days, she smiled, got angry, or complained.
That seemed important.
That Daniela, surrounded by things she didn’t want to think about, still thought about something.
Eventually, he reached one conclusion:
Only Daniela mattered.
But while he only thought and hesitated, he lost his chance.
By the time he decided he should do something, Daniela was already engaged to Benjamin.
When the war ended, Damian had no more reason to see her.
One day, while regretting everything and thinking about Daniela, whom he could no longer meet, he received an invitation from Krobih.
It was an invitation to the king’s homecoming ceremony the following month.
But the moment Damian saw it, he headed for Krobih.
It was only a ten-day ride by horse. He would arrive absurdly early, but he didn’t care.
His true goal wasn’t attending the ceremony.
It was seeing Daniela one more time.
Until then, he hadn’t thought much.
Thinking never led to anything good.
Like worrying that seeing her might make things harder for him.
Even after entering Krobih’s borders, he rode hard.
With endless plains and no obstacles, he reached the capital quickly.
But once he arrived, all kinds of thoughts flooded his mind.
Instead of going straight to the castle, he wandered aimlessly through the city.
Then he encountered a scene he never could have imagined.
He had wanted to see her—but never like this.
He carried the collapsed Daniela on his back and ran to the castle to seek help.
Doctors rushed in and soon took her from him.
With nothing left to do, Damian stood there helplessly.
It was truly the worst.
It was also the worst evening for Mera, the queen’s only maid.
After finishing her busy day and resting in her room, she received an urgent summons from the head steward.
She hurried over without delay, only to hear something strange.
“Do you know where Her Majesty the Queen is?”
Mera didn’t understand the question at first.
Isn’t Her Majesty obviously in her room?
About two hours earlier, Mera had finished attending to the queen’s dinner and returned to her own room.
The last she had seen was the queen saying she was tired and entering her bedroom to rest…
But if Her Majesty were in her room, the head steward wouldn’t be asking me this…
Panicking, Mera rolled her eyes around.
At the steward’s sharp rebuke, she flinched.
“Must I ask you this several times?!”
“I-I’m sorry! I thought Her Majesty was in her room!”
The steward pressed a hand to his head.
“If she were in her room, would I be asking?”
“T-That is…”
Mera covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes filling with tears.
