Chapter 92
The moment I woke from the dream, I ran straight to the training grounds.
I knew that at this early hour, Ardel always stopped by there.
I still hadn’t fully sorted out what I was supposed to do, but I ran anyway—without a plan.
I felt like I had to see Ardel’s face, no matter what.
To be honest, I was impatient.
A minimum of a fourth life.
Then just how many times had I failed to end up here?
I didn’t know everything yet, but in every dream I had seen so far, I always stabbed my own heart right in front of Ardel’s eyes.
It was horrifying enough for me to witness—but I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know how deeply it must have wounded the one watching it happen.
What was even worse was that, in this life too, I was keeping that possibility in mind.
This can’t go on like this.
The realization struck me suddenly: avoiding it wasn’t a solution.
Still, I didn’t know if barging in to see Ardel like this was the right thing to do. I had no idea what the correct answer was. I had already stepped onto the path that had caused my failures in past lives—the path of falling in love with Ardel.
But even so, I couldn’t just give up again.
Panting for breath, I arrived at the training grounds.
As usual, Ardel was holding a sword. Startled by my sudden appearance, he tossed it to the ground and ran toward me at once.
“Your Majesty!”
“……Your Majesty.”
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“Yes. There is a problem.”
The problem was this: I loved him—and yet I was fated to kill him.
Telling him everything was an impulsive decision. Perhaps I was committing yet another mistake against him.
I might be forcing upon him a truth he didn’t need to know, making him suffer. He might grow tired of me because of my constant changes of heart. I was afraid—I didn’t know how he would react.
But—
…Even if Ardel learns the truth, he won’t push me away.
That much, I was certain of.
Just look—even now, he was looking at me.
So I decided to try. To be honest with him—a method I may already have tried and failed at in a previous life.
“Your Majesty, for now, please calm down and let’s go inside—”
“I’m sorry. The truth is, just as Your Majesty suspected, the Blanchet Kingdom betrayed the Empire.”
“…!”
At my revelation, the Emperor froze in place.
Seizing that moment, I poured out everything I wanted to say in a rapid rush.
“I came to the Empire from the very beginning as a spy. To ensure the victory of the anti-Empire alliance, I had to help my father. It’s true that I have no intention of remarrying Kaiden, but everything else is exactly as Your Majesty predicted.”
Unrefined, raw words spilled out uncontrollably.
I didn’t know how much Ardel had truly foreseen, but I continued without pause.
“It’s also true that if war breaks out, my father plans to divorce me from Your Majesty. And the diffuser I gave you as a gift—I poisoned it under my father’s orders. And—”
“Your Majesty! Stop.”
Ardel shouted loudly as he grabbed both of my shoulders.
Ding!
[<System> Warning! Contact with the opposite sex has been detected. If contact is not broken within 10 seconds, stamina will decrease.]
A system window appeared before my eyes, but I didn’t have the presence of mind to deal with it.
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. Even if you imprison and execute me right now, I have no excuse.”
“Justia!”
“But before that… please help me….”
Help me with what, exactly?
Even I couldn’t understand my own words. I felt pathetic.
[<System> Warning! 10 seconds have passed. Stamina is decreasing. Each time stamina decreases, the player will be rendered unconscious to protect the player’s mind.]
By the time I realized what was happening, it was already too late.
No—this can’t be happening. I still needed to finish the conversation I hadn’t had with Ardel…!
But the system mercilessly imposed its penalty, and my consciousness slipped away.
“Huff…!”
I jolted awake in shock.
A familiar ceiling—but not my own. It seemed to be Ardel’s bedroom.
Ding!
[<System> A penalty has been applied. Remaining stamina: 77/100.]
What—77, not 78?
It seemed this damn system had increased the amount of stamina it deducted again.
But I didn’t have time to get angry. After collapsing, I had dreamed once more—this time of my third life—and my mind was in chaos.
Just then, a pleasant, resonant voice reached my ears from right beside me.
“Your Majesty! Are you awake?”
“Ah… yes.”
Ardel, who had been watching over me, sprang to his feet and checked my condition.
When he tried to touch me again, I instinctively avoided his hand.
“…Ah, right. You didn’t like being touched by me.”
“No, that’s not it.”
I stopped mid-sentence.
This might be my last chance to take back my choice.
Since I had decided to tell Ardel everything, I would have to explain not only that I was destined to kill him, but also this contact penalty—along with the absurd premise that this world was a game.
Could I really make Ardel understand?
Would it be better to shoulder everything alone and move on to the next life?
…That thought crossed my mind, if only briefly.
“It’s not that I dislike it. And it’s not that I find it horrifying. There’s just a reason I couldn’t tell you.”
“Looks like you’ve finally decided to tell me the truth.”
“…Yes.”
Affirming his words, I resolved to speak of what I had been agonizing over.
“You may not believe me, which is why I hesitated to tell you… but I have memories of my past life.”
“What…?”
I didn’t know where to begin.
Seeing the strange expression on Ardel’s face doubled my fear. Clenching my fists tightly, I lowered my head and continued.
“This place is the world of a game I played in my previous life. That’s why this world has predetermined rules and an ending—and I have to carry out certain events to reach that ending.”
All I wanted was for Ardel to understand me.
“To carry that out, I was given a condition. A ‘disease where touch means death.’ If I stay in contact with the opposite sex for more than ten seconds, I lose consciousness, and if that accumulates beyond a certain number of times, I die.”
“…So that’s why you avoided contact with me? And why you collapsed so often?”
“Yes.”
“Now that you mention it… just earlier as well. You collapsed right after I grabbed your shoulders.”
I nodded.
True to who he was, Ardel understood quickly, even though it all sounded utterly absurd.
“Then what are these predetermined rules and ending you spoke of?”
“That is…”
He had pierced straight into the hardest part to explain.
But since I had already made up my mind, there was no running away. I swallowed dryly.
“Blanchet betraying Bellerk and joining the anti-Empire alliance. War breaking out, and Bellerk being defeated. And then… Your Majesty being killed by my hand.”
“…!”
If not in this life, then in the next—or the one after that.
It was the unavoidable ending set by this world.
Ardel, who had been listening calmly, widened his eyes in shock at my final words.
“So… is that why you gave me poison as a gift? To kill me?”
“…It’s not a lethal poison. It won’t kill you, but it gradually weakens your vitality. It was one of the tasks I had to perform in order to kill Your Majesty.”
“Haah……”
Ardel let out a long sigh.
What would he do? As in my dreams, would he spare my life? Or would he order a merciless execution?
“Seeing how much this pains you, it’s clearly not your own will. Is there no way to change that predetermined ending?”
“For now… there isn’t.”
“Why?”
“If I fail to complete that ending… I have to keep regressing endlessly until I succeed. This life is probably, at the very least, my fourth.”
“!”
At those words, Ardel’s expression finally collapsed.
