PSML 72

PSML

Chapter 72 …

…Am I deceiving myself?

But even if I were honest, what benefit would that bring?

Because I like Puppy, I should just go and confess? Isn’t that ridiculous?

I have responsibilities for everything I possess.

And in order to bear those responsibilities, I cannot afford to be honest about everything.

Sometimes, even if it means deceiving myself, if it’s for everyone’s sake, then I…

“Your Grace, you don’t need to think about so many things.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about… The honor and power I possess were not given to me for free. For the sake of everyone connected to Steren Castle, for Dioana, and for the future of my family, I must be extremely careful with every action I take.”

“When you look back on things, the moments when you were sincere tend to leave the least regret.”

“If I did that, people would call me selfish.”

“So what if you’re selfish? There’s no one who doesn’t know how much you’ve sacrificed all this time. Even if you act selfishly once in a while, we’ll always love you. We’ll respect you and follow you.”

“That’s difficult.”

“Hehe, love is supposed to be difficult. That’s what makes it satisfying when you finally win it.”

“Satisfying to win it…”

I’m not sure.

In the past, I would have been confident that I could win it.

Things like romance and love—I used to think they were easy for me. I’m beautiful, wealthy, honored, and noble. I thought I could obtain anything quickly.

But now, unlike before, all I feel is anxiety and restlessness.

I hate this. Agonizing over this by myself. What’s the point if I’m the only one who likes him? I don’t even know what that guy Puppy is thinking.

Whenever I think about Puppy, it somehow feels as if all the energy drains from my body.

I don’t know what I should say in front of him.

If I speak bluntly like I usually do, he makes a deeply hurt face. Yet even though he looks like he’s about to die, he won’t say anything with his own mouth—he just keeps telling me to remember something.

Aside from his handsome face and good body, he was actually an extremely arrogant and rude man.

With the way Puppy behaves—as if he’s teasing me—I should be punishing him immediately.

Yet instead of doing that, I’m the one being played with. It’s honestly pathetic.

Look at this—even today, instead of enjoying my date with Lucius even a little, Puppy’s face from last night by the window kept flickering in my mind all day.

I couldn’t focus on anything because I kept wondering—

Had he eaten by now?
Was he still upset about what happened yesterday?
Did Dioana carry out the task she was given?
Would things go back to the way they were when I returned?

And what was that worry doll he was holding while sleeping this morning?

Why did Dioana give him that…? Did he have something troubling him so much that he had to hold it tightly while he slept?

As I ran through these thoughts, I realized I was thinking about Puppy again and let out a deep sigh.

See? It’s Puppy again. I’m going crazy. Stop thinking about him. Don’t think about him.

While I was lightly tapping my head against the window—not enough to hurt—large raindrops began to patter against it.

Soon, the rain began to pour down in heavy sheets.

“So the rain really is starting, just like Lucius said.”

“I’ll tell the coachman to increase the speed.”

Even if we hurried, we would barely arrive around midnight.

Now that it was raining too, it would probably take even longer.

“I’m worried Dioana might be waiting. I promised I’d return before it got too late.”

After Sally asked the coachman to go faster, he drove the horses slightly quicker than before.

But just as lightning flashed across the sky and thunder roared—

CLUNK!

The carriage lurched violently, shook for a moment, and then came to a halt.

“What happened?”

“It seems the wheel is stuck in the mud. Please wait a moment! I’ll pull it out right away.”

Had something gone wrong because we minimized the number of people accompanying us in order to depart quickly and return quickly?

The wheel lodged deep in the mud pit didn’t seem easy to pull out.

Since it would take quite a while to reach the nearest village, Sally and I eventually stepped out to help lift the wheel.

“Your Grace, please stay inside.”

“Yes, Your Grace. What if you catch a cold? We’ll handle it.”

“It’s fine. Let’s pull it out quickly and get moving.”

Ignoring their protests, I rolled up the sleeves of my dress and joined them in straining to lift the wheel stuck in the pit.

But the carriage was so large and heavy that even with the three of us straining with all our strength, it wouldn’t budge easily.

Meanwhile, the rain grew even heavier.

The road where the carriage was stuck curved along a cliff. If we weren’t careful, a landslide could put all of us in danger.

“This won’t do. If we keep trying like this, something worse might happen. We should go to the village to hire workers—or wait until morning.”

By now Cedric or Jeremy might have predicted the landslide and sent people along this road, so I figured there was no need to waste any more energy.

I felt terribly sorry for not keeping my promise to Dioana, but I wasn’t confident I could walk through this rain.

“So we have to go back to the village we passed earlier.”

After a brief moment of thought, I gathered some belongings from the carriage and headed into the forest to return to the village we had passed.

Fortunately, the dense trees shielded us from the rain somewhat, though we were already soaked through.

After walking for quite a while, a massive crashing sound suddenly came from the direction where the carriage had been.

The coachman ran back to check and soon returned with a pale face.

“Your Grace! I-I think the carriage was swept away by a landslide!”

It wasn’t entirely unexpected.

Perhaps I should thank the heavens that it hadn’t been swept away while we were still inside.

I thought it might be best to stay at the village until the rain subsided and then send a messenger to Steren Castle.

At this rate, I should wash up at the village inn and get a good night’s sleep.

But before long, that small plan fell apart.

Amid the sound of the pouring rain, faint footsteps could be heard.

Though they tried to hide their presence, the killing intent was unmistakable.

As I walked carefully so I wouldn’t slip on the wet path, I spoke quietly to Sally.

“You two—draw your weapons.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Sally and the coachman had noticed it too. Each of them was already gripping the hilt of their sword with their right hand, ready to draw it at any moment.

I always carried weapons in case of assassination threats like this.

Usually I wore a long sword hidden along my spine behind my waist like a decoration, or a dagger strapped to my inner thigh.

In my pouch was a small but heavy pistol—the most recently invented model.

Those who wanted me dead had existed for quite some time, so it wasn’t surprising.

After being quiet for a while, it’s starting again. Did the Crown Prince send them? Or are they targeting me in order to get to the Crown Prince as well?

At the very least, if Lucius were the one targeting me, he wouldn’t attack this directly unless he were a fool.

So who could it be?

Just a group of simple bandits?

Or assassins sent by some third party?

Perhaps they had also sensed something strange about us.

The figures that had been following slowly stopped in place and watched us.

Even when I listened carefully through the heavy rain, there were no sounds—no footsteps crushing muddy ground or damp leaves.

Judging by how well they concealed their presence, they were definitely not some trivial bandit group.

Whoever they were, neither I nor anyone from my household would be easy prey.

At least they probably won’t use guns in this rain. And they know bows would be unsuitable as well.

Slowly, I drew the sword hidden along my spine beneath my clothes.

It was shorter than the longsword I usually used, but still perfectly suited for protecting myself.

Using the moonlight filtering through the dark forest as our lamp, Sally, the coachman, and I slowly formed a triangle formation with our backs touching.

Before long, black shadows emerged from all directions.

They truly looked like shadows.

Dressed entirely in black cloth that covered everything except their eyes, their purpose was unmistakable.

They’ve come to kill me.

It wasn’t as though the threat of assassination was something new to me.

Still, it was certainly unexpected.

I hope Cedric or Jeremy sends soldiers quickly.

There appeared to be around fifteen assassins.

To go through all this effort just to kill one person?

Though, to be fair… I am someone worth that much effort.

Ah… I want to go home already.

It was cold, dark, and damp.