Chapter 20
Rumble… crack—BOOM!
Thunder roared from every direction.
“Ah!”
A sharp sting flared at my fingertips, like I’d been pricked by a thorn.
“Livia.”
Leto took my hand. As he examined it, he let out a sigh.
“Rain, dirt, blood… you’re a mess.”
He wasn’t wrong. I had countless small cuts whose origins I couldn’t even remember. My skin had always been especially delicate.
Shhhhh—
The rain had turned into a downpour. Visibility was so poor it was hard to see ahead. Still, turning back wasn’t an option.
“I’m fine.”
I resumed searching through the grass. My fingertips throbbed—this latest cut must have been deeper than I thought.
Leto was just as soaked as I was, standing still as though lost in thought.
At last, he grabbed my arm.
“This is enough. It’s been hours already.”
“Just a little longer.”
“Let’s go back to the carriage. If we keep this up, you’ll fall ill. The sun’s about to set, too.”
There were still so many places left to search. Indigo could be hiding somewhere nearby.
“Then Your Majesty, please go back first. I want to keep looking at least until sunset.”
At my words, Leto bristled slightly. He swallowed his emotions before speaking again.
“…I mean that you’re going to get sick.”
“I’m fine—”
“Stop saying that. Please.”
His eyes glinted coldly, just like the day we first met.
“I want to find that herb just as much as you do. But you are the Empress. Even if you’re not the real one, protecting that body is still part of an empress’s duty.”
He was right. Every word of it. And yet, something felt heavy in my chest.
Even if you’re not the real one.
That phrase felt like a reminder—know your place.
We faced each other in silence as the rain battered down around us.
Normally, I would’ve listened to him. I always had. But not this time.
“I don’t like losing.”
“…What?”
“Giving up means losing, doesn’t it?”
That was how I had survived. I’d been criticized countless times for that attitude—but without it, I wouldn’t have made it this far.
Leto stared at me, lips pressed tightly together. He looked angry.
I knew he cared for me, in his own way. But hadn’t he said it himself? That I wasn’t real.
“You can think I’m stubborn or foolish if you want. I’m not doing this to impress you.”
I brushed my fingers over the grass. Cold—or maybe hot. I couldn’t tell anymore. My hands were numb.
“And pretending not to see an issue that affects hundreds of lives just because it’s raining—that’s what truly doesn’t suit an empress. Like you said. Even if she’s fake.”
I turned away and resumed searching. If Leto gave up, I’d continue alone.
A large hand closed around mine. He was suddenly right beside me.
“I’m sorry I raised my voice.”
He held my hand gently.
“But, Livia.”
“……”
“Every time you say you’re fine, it makes me angry.”
“Why?”
“Because you sound like someone who’s had to say that ten thousand times.”
“……”
“I’m upset—not because you’re stubborn or foolish, but because of that.”
I looked up at him. Raindrops fell from his lashes as he spoke calmly.
“Let’s search together. You just watch. I’ll go through the forest. If you think you’ve found it, tell me right away. That’s enough.”
I stepped back without a word—not because I was exhausted or angry, but because I felt like I might cry.
Saying I’m fine was a habit. No one ever helped me when I said I was hurting, so I had no choice but to convince myself I was okay.
This was the first time someone had felt hurt for me.
Even I hadn’t done that.
And somehow… it made me feel like someone truly precious.
Leto silently pushed through the undergrowth. His rain-soaked back looked pitiful.
The sun was almost gone. Once darkness fell, it would be impossible to tell one plant from another.
The rain blurred my vision, chills wracked my body—everything felt hopeless.
Then—
A familiar plant caught my eye.
Leaves that jutted upward, a violet flower spike rising from the center.
It was unmistakable.
Indigo.
I grabbed Leto’s arm.
“…I think I found it.”
From there, an entire field of indigo spread out before us. We gathered armfuls—enough to make more than a few samples.
“Let’s go.”
Leto draped an arm over my shoulders, and we ran toward the carriage.
“We’re almost there.”
Sure enough, the carriage appeared in the distance. Relief washed over me.
Then I saw it.
Every horse lay collapsed.
“Damn.”
Leto checked them.
“Monsters did this.”
“Of all times… Let’s get into the carriage first.”
“Right. If the rain stops, we’ll have to walk out.”
We climbed inside. Just escaping the rain made it feel like we’d survived.
“I should light a candle.”
Leto lit one and placed it beside me. The warmth slowly seeped into my body.
“Yuten stocked the carriage with various supplies.”
He opened a storage compartment beneath the seat—his movements smooth and practiced, likely from experience.
Inside were several towels. He took them all out.
“Come here.”
“…Why?”
“Why else? Your hair looks like seaweed. It needs drying.”
Seaweed, seriously.
I moved closer. He dried my soaked hair—awkwardly, but carefully.
“What about you, Your Majesty?”
“Men’s hair dries quickly.”
“Does it?”
I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. Letting him handle my hair felt embarrassing.
“The knights will be worried.”
“They’ll be fine. I ordered them to wait. They trust me. Your brothers, on the other hand… I just hope they don’t cause a scene at the guild.”
I nodded weakly. The sound of rain swelled in my ears. My head felt foggy, my body trembled.
“You’re shaking.”
“Maybe my dress is too thin.”
I didn’t want to seem weak. I didn’t want to worry him. But my voice shook anyway.
Leto placed a hand on my forehead—large and warm. My eyes closed instinctively.
“You’re freezing. Your lips are pale.”
“I’m fine.”
“I told you not to say that.”
Ah. Right.
“You’re right. I keep getting colder. I feel dizzy.”
“There. You can say that just fine.”
He lifted me effortlessly and sat me on his lap, wrapping his long arms around me. I was too cold to even be surprised.
I leaned against his shoulder. It was comfortable. His warmth enveloped me.
“It’s strange. Why are you perfectly fine?”
“Training, probably. I’ve spent nights on glaciers.”
“During the northern campaign?”
“Yeah.”
“Knights really are amazing.”
“Not really. Every morning, a few would always be dead—especially the wounded.”
He said it so calmly, as if devoid of emotion.
Still, I understood. There would’ve been no proper medicine or treatment.
He spoke quietly.
“Don’t get sick, Livia.”
“……”
“When you’re sick, there’s nothing I can do.”
Why was he telling me this?
The rain hammered painfully against my ears. I needed something—anything—to hold on to.
Clutching at straws, I said,
“The sound of the rain is making me dizzy. If you could tell me a story—anything—I think it would help.”
Leto fell silent. Maybe it was an unreasonable request.
“…If you don’t have one, that’s fine.”
“There is something—but it’s not pleasant. Do you still want to hear it?”
I nodded. Anything would do.
“My mother was someone who could’ve died at any time.”
Leto’s mother, Ianna Set. He had been only ten years old when she passed away.
“Just before she died, I insisted we call a doctor. Even a foreign one. But my father went to the Grand Temple instead.”
“……”
“I found out later—he did go to discuss calling a doctor. But the High Priest spoke of the goddess’s curse, and my father chose prayer.”
“Then your mother—”
“She passed away the next morning.”
“…Ah.”
“It’s unbearable—being unable to do anything for someone precious.”
I didn’t even dare offer comfort. I simply wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me closer.
“I’ve already lost too much. My mother. My men.”
“……”
“So don’t get sick.”
His steady heartbeat soothed me. The trembling stopped, my body growing heavy.
And as sleep took me, I finally admitted the truth I had been avoiding.
…Leto likes me.
* * *
Silence filled the carriage. Outside, rain still poured relentlessly.
Leto looked down at Livia in his arms.
She was fast asleep. Her soft, even breathing spoke of deep exhaustion.
He pressed a hand to her forehead. Warm, thankfully. Color had returned to her lips.
“…Ha.”
Only then did he relax.
Carefully, he laid her on the seat and sat on the floor, watching her.
All this, just for a few plants.
Making medicine from some nameless herb—it was hard to imagine.
But if Livia said it could be done, he believed her. She’d surprised him too many times already.
Today was no different.
It wasn’t her pure, radiant appearance.
Nor the strange sensation he’d felt upon glimpsing her bare back by chance.
Nor even her sense of responsibility as empress.
Leto gently took her scarred hand.
Such slender hands, pushing through dirt and grass. Reckless enough to ignore her own injuries—yet finding hope at the end of that recklessness.
They were achingly human.
And because they were human, unbearably beautiful.
How dare anyone compare her to a goddess.
He pressed his lips to her hand and murmured,
“What am I supposed to do with you?”
To say I like you?
That didn’t frighten him. If anything, the words kept threatening to spill out.
Like that time—
Trust me. I won’t leave you alone.
If a monster hadn’t appeared then—if he’d confessed—
Would you still have said we needed a divorce?
“Divorce…”
That was what frightened him. Rushing her, only for her to run away.
He brushed her hair back and kissed her clear forehead.
“That can’t happen.”
“……”
“Never.”
