Chapter 46
‘Well… you don’t know that I’ve lost my memories, after all.’
The child didn’t know that her father had no memory. It was something a young child didn’t need to know. And even if she did hear about it, what five-year-old could truly understand?
How could a child possibly grasp something that even he himself didn’t fully understand? So he had simply left the matter vague and pushed it aside.
Flieta, too, had never specifically asked about the mother who had given birth to her. Perhaps she simply hadn’t dared to bring it up.
If one looked at it that way, it could be said that the child was now comfortable enough with him that she didn’t feel the need to ask. But even so, it was a frustrating situation. Since he had no memory, there was nothing he could say to the child.
After a long moment of hesitation, Heivan let out a quiet sigh and finally spoke.
“She was… a good person.”
“…!”
Roze, who had been biting her lip with her eyes lowered, lifted her head at those words. But Heivan, unaware of her gaze, continued haltingly with an awkward expression.
“…She was kind, and bright.”
Heivan struggled to answer, recalling the occasional phantom voice he had thought he’d heard. He could only assume that hazy remnant must have belonged to the child’s mother—his wife.
But Roze, who knew otherwise, looked at him with trembling eyes.
‘You don’t even remember.’
She wanted to grab him and shout those words.
‘You don’t even remember, and yet you say things like that… That’s unfair. I was the one who gave you the tea that erased your memory. You drank it without suspicion, and I erased the time we shared all on my own. And now… why do you speak of me as though I were a good person?’
Roze’s vision blurred. She clenched her fists tightly and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.
She knew he was only lying for the sake of the child. And yet, his words struck deep in her chest.
A good person.
Kind and bright.
It felt as though Heivan still saw her that way—as though those words were meant for her—and her heart ached.
“But then why…”
Just then, Flieta’s voice interrupted. Roze pressed down on the heavy ache spreading through her chest and looked at the child again. The girl tilted her head, pondering his words.
“Then why… why don’t I have a mom right now? Is it because she didn’t like me? No—Roze said it couldn’t be that, but still…”
Flieta had finally asked the question she’d always wanted to ask. Of course, she’d glanced at Roze mid-sentence and trailed off, but the damage was done. At that, Roze’s tears instantly vanished.
So even she hadn’t been enough to erase the wound buried deep in the child’s heart. That wound of being abandoned by her mother was not something that could heal so easily.
‘…But no. That’s not it, sweetheart.’
Roze whispered desperately in her heart. At the same time, Heivan shook his head.
“She didn’t dislike you, Flieta.”
“…Then why?”
The child tilted her head, confused. Heivan pressed his lips together before answering again in a quiet voice.
“For our sake—for you and me—she’s only gone for a little while. Someday… yes, someday, she’ll return.”
Roze instinctively clutched the front of her clothes at his words. She knew he was only saying it to comfort the child, and yet, those words soothed the cold ache in her chest.
And then, unexpectedly, the child said:
“I wish Roze could be my mom.”
“…!”
“…!”
Both Heivan and Roze widened their eyes in shock, staring at each other before hastily looking away. Their faces flushed red.
It was, in truth, a trivial remark—simply something a child would say. Flieta had merely expressed an innocent wish. Since she liked Roze the most, of course she would say such a thing.
And yet, though both adults understood that in their minds, they couldn’t rid themselves of the awkwardness. Heivan was the first to break the silence, rubbing his face and clearing his throat.
“Ahem… Flieta, that’s…”
“Why can’t Roze be my mom?”
Unlike her usual timid self, the child asked boldly. Heivan opened his mouth, searching for an answer but failing to find one—so Roze quickly cut in.
“Lady Flieta… that can’t be.”
Roze’s heart twisted painfully. Why wouldn’t she want it? Why wouldn’t she want the name of “Mother”? She wanted it dearly. She wanted to be a mother to the child.
If only she could.
…If only fate would grant her that one chance.
“Why not?”
But the child, oblivious to such circumstances, simply asked with clear, innocent eyes. Roze bit down on her trembling lips before slowly replying.
“Because then your real mother… would be sad.”
Her voice shook as she tried to soothe the sulking child.
“Didn’t His Highness just say? That someday… she’ll return. And when she does, if she sees someone else in her place, wouldn’t that make her terribly sad?”
At her child’s side.
At her husband’s side.
The future she had avoided imagining rose vividly before her eyes. A future where another woman stood with them—not someone lowborn like herself, not someone sick.
But someone noble, graceful, and healthy.
A woman who would become the child’s mother and Heivan’s wife.
By then… she herself would likely no longer exist in this world.
Perhaps that was why her voice broke. Heivan frowned slightly as he watched her. Something felt strange, as if he were missing something important…
‘Nonsense.’
He shook his head. What a foolish thought to have in the middle of a conversation with his daughter. Meanwhile, Roze focused on the child and continued.
“So that place—keep it for her.”
Not forever. She wasn’t so shameless as to demand that much. Besides, no one around them would allow it.
She had only been a maid in the Grand Duke’s household for a short time, but she had heard many things.
Among them were stories of his marriage prospects. Stories entangled with the great matter of succession.
Whomever the former queen consort married would ascend the throne.
That was why the former queen consort had come to Heivan in the first place—to wed him, and to make him king.
It was an unimaginable thing for an ordinary person. For a woman to marry the brother of the man she had wed before. But since the throne itself hinged on such a union, perhaps it wasn’t so strange.
And yet… despite drinking the tea she had given him, Heivan still had not married the queen consort. Almost as if he were keeping the promise he’d once made to Roze—on that night when, beneath the moonlight, they vowed to be each other’s only one.
But of course, that was only her delusion. To him, she was a forgotten woman. A forgotten vow. Nothing more.
Most likely, he simply had his own reasons for rejecting the queen consort, reasons far beyond the comprehension of someone like her. Even so, she could tell from his coldness toward the queen consort that there was truth in it.
But eventually… he would marry someone. He couldn’t live alone forever.
“…For Mom’s sake?”
“Yes, Lady Flieta.”
So Roze smiled and nodded. Even if her heart was torn into rags by lingering regrets, it was something she had to accept.
“Mm…”
Flieta pouted, disappointed, but soon nodded. Heivan, who had silently watched her, finally spoke again.
“Then why did you suddenly think of that?”
“Eh?”
“I mean… about wanting Roze to be your mom.”
He glanced at the child, then at Roze. She flinched, her eyes widening. The sadness she had buried surged restlessly, and she quickly turned her head away to avoid his gaze.
But without realizing it, Heivan’s blue eyes followed her.
“Mm… it’s because…”
Just then, the child finally spoke after much hesitation. Heivan, realizing what he was doing, quickly turned his gaze away, his face faintly flushed.
Flieta, unaware of the two adults’ turmoil, fidgeted with her fingers before continuing.
“Because I saw the Countess and her daughter… and I was jealous.”
“…Ah.”
Roze let out an involuntary sigh and quickly shut her mouth. But she couldn’t hide the pity in her eyes. At last she understood—why the child had cried so bitterly, why she had been so hurt.
At the sight of a warm mother and daughter together, the child had felt the emptiness at her side more keenly than ever. No matter how used she was to her mother’s absence, a five-year-old still needed a mom.
“I see.”
Heivan, too, seemed to grasp her feelings and answered heavily. Flieta shook her head quickly, forcing a smile.
“It was just… for a moment. I’m okay now. Because I have Papa… and Roze too. Right?”
