Chapter 3
Why? Why me?
Why had I decided on divorce in the first place?
He was a man who pretended to respect me as his wife, but behind my back, he disregarded me. He excluded me from all the duties of the mistress of Wayriver. While he would generously gift me precious jewels and flowering trees, he seemed to have no intention of sharing with me the crucial role of governing his lands and estate.
“Kegan, I hear the Marquis and Marchioness of Rizen are also attending this ball. They specifically asked me to come.”
“There’s no need for you to attend such events.”
“But I missed the last Delphonia charity event as well…”
“I can go alone, Ruwahn.”
He often refused my involvement with an oddly decisive finality. Mostly when it came to social or official matters.
While the traditions of Viachera state that a married couple becomes equal regardless of their status before marriage, reality was a bit different. Kegan never asserted more authority over me than that of the family head, but the fact remained that he held a higher position and responsibility in virtually every aspect, and when he made a decision, it was difficult for me to argue.
At first, I didn’t find him particularly strange. I could even somewhat understand the feelings of the employees, who, perhaps influenced by their master, didn’t entrust me with work.
Wasn’t I just a newcomer who had just arrived from the countryside, even if I was the Duchess? Moreover, I only began receiving a proper education as a noble after coming to Wayriver.
Without any experience or dignity from participating in the management of a family, the authority granted to me solely through ‘marriage’ was bound to be flimsy. I simply tried to learn and adapt more fiercely than anyone else.
But it was strange that I wasn’t even given the opportunity. No matter how many times I appealed to Kegan, it was futile. Though, I wasn’t exactly in a position to detain the busy lord for lengthy arguments.
“I want to see the estate’s expenditure ledgers and next month’s budget, Ben.”
It was a month ago that I deliberately requested this from Ben. The confidence I had gained after my strict tutor acknowledged that I was ‘sufficiently capable of handling practical affairs’ was my backing.
“It’s fine even if it’s a small unit. For the kitchen or the gardens.”
Ben seemed hesitant, but when I explained that Mrs. Herbert had recommended I analyze practical data, he soon brought me the documents.
I analyzed the ledgers and reviewed the budget for the following month. I wasn’t intending to instruct the staff immediately; it was purely for learning, so I freely made corrections and improvements.
Then, I asked Mrs. Herbert to review them.
“…You have worked hard, Duchess.”
That was the first time I saw what kind of expression my tutor made when she smiled.
She, who must have been displeased with an uneducated duchess marrying into the ducal family, who at first couldn’t hide her worried gaze and radiated coldness – this loyal servant of Wayriver finally showed me a genuine smile.
“You should be grateful to heaven for the talent bestowed upon you. Of course, I know best that you, Duchess, have worked tirelessly, scarcely putting down your books. You have finally achieved results that are difficult to accomplish through effort alone. You make me, who constantly worried and doubted, feel ashamed.”
“You flatter me, Mrs. Herbert.”
Her sincere encouragement made me feel like I might cry.
“I’ll work hard so I can become a reliable support for the Duke as soon as possible. I know I still have a long way to go.”
“Even now, I believe you are capable enough.”
I couldn’t hide my childish delight.
Thank goodness. Truly, thank goodness.
I hurried to the west wing with light, airy steps, as if I could fly. I wanted to show off a little to my husband, who would be toiling late into the evening.
Please wait just a little longer. I feel I might soon be of help to you.
I passed through the corridor along the long bridge spanning the beautiful Livtein River. It was the tail end of a summer that residents had complained was unusually sweltering, and without realizing it, I was skipping, not even feeling the heat.
‘You handed the ledgers over to that woman?’
But Kegan’s voice, which I accidentally overheard from the stairs next to the study,
‘A useless act.’
was the polar opposite of my tutor’s kind voice that had praised me.
“I apologize, Duke. Mrs. Herbert advised that it would be good for her to learn practical affairs, so I intended to help…”
‘That woman can’t do it.’
The cold, cutting language.
‘I’m sure I made myself clear. Don’t let that woman do anything.’
As if he didn’t want to say more, Kegan sighed heavily and fell silent.
I stood frozen in that silence. An icy stillness pressed down on my shoulders. Leaning my back against the stairwell wall, I soon heard the footsteps of the two men fade away.
That woman. He called me that woman. He said I couldn’t do anything.
I had inadvertently witnessed a scene I never could have imagined.
Kegan had always been a husband who treated me with utmost respect and politeness. For him to refer to and evaluate me in such insulting terms in my absence, especially in front of his subordinate.
A useless act. Don’t let that woman do anything.
Was this why? Whenever I asked to be given tasks, he would say it was fine, to take my time adjusting, and then refuse outright and go his own way – was it actually because he looked down on me?
My arms trembled with shame and humiliation. My mind went white with a shock and sense of betrayal incomparable to the whispers of those who had pointed fingers behind my back when I was young, calling me a poor noble, an ignorant noble.
I felt like a fool. A stupid idiot who hadn’t even realized her husband treated her as useless.
“Did you have a good day, Ruwahn?”
“Yes.”
That night, I refused him when he came to my bed as if nothing was wrong.
“Um, I’m tired today.”
“Did something happen?”
“No, just… I think I’ve been reading too much.”
My subsequent attempts to have a serious conversation with Kegan ultimately failed.
His attitude, which seemed to avoid the topic itself, my own petty pride and fear of suffering further humiliation – various issues piled up, and time passed sluggishly.
If this continued, I felt I would have to live as a duchess in name only. My husband still tried to work alone, and Ben no longer showed me the ledgers.
If this was how it was going to be, why did you choose me as your wife?
I was a noble too. Even if I was a fallen noble who secretly sold embroidery to make ends meet. My parents had taught me the noble attitude of life – that one must give back to the world in proportion to what one enjoys – and I had never forgotten my status.
Even if I wasn’t from a great ducal house possessing vast, wealthy lands, I wanted to live as someone who could be of help somewhere. A life of only receiving care without caring for someone myself through my own efforts suited a child, not a noble.
So I thought about divorce. Because I needed to live as a true noble.
But then…
“…You mean me? As the successor?”
Kegan had named me as his successor.
“Why me?”
It was an incomprehensible story.
“It doesn’t make sense.”
He, who wouldn’t even let me function as the lady of the house, left a will stating that I should become the lord in case of emergency?
“My Lady!”
Just then, Milla peeked her head in through the entrance.
“I just showed the Marquis of Rizen to the guest reception room in the west wing. He’s subtly urging me, asking if the Duchess has been busy lately?”
Ah, that’s right.
Startled by the contents of the will, I recalled the guest I had completely forgotten.
The Marquis of Rizen was here. The current legal successor.
“Will you be alright, Duchess?”
Ben asked me again, his gaze seeming quite solemn.
Now I thought I understood. Why he had hurriedly shown me Kegan’s will.
According to Kegan’s will, the Marquis of Rizen was no longer the heir to Wayriver. The Marquis has no authority. At the very least, Kegan’s intentions were clear.
“I’m fine, Ben.”
Regardless of whether I accepted my husband’s wishes or not.
“I’ll go now, Milla.”
Pushing the chaos in my mind aside, I stood up.
First, let’s focus on the present. My husband is absent. Yes, just temporarily absent.
From now on, I must attend to his guest. Not as the emergency ‘successor,’ but as an ordinary ‘guest.’
I walked along the long corridor leading to the west wing for the first time in a while. The west wing was Kegan’s workspace, so I rarely had reason to go there. I don’t know about other lords’ wives, but that was the case for me. Not since that day I ran excitedly after being praised by Mrs. Herbert…
The green scenery visible through the row of clerestory windows lining one wall of the corridor had already turned red. A rapidly changing season. The chilly scent of winter seemed to reach out from the distant clouds all the way to the Livtein River.
I thought the day I would see winter in Wayriver would never come.
Autumn felt like it would disappear in just a few breaths.
Just as the long, sweltering summer had vanished like an overnight dream.
“I wish I could see inside your head, Kegan…”
“Oh, don’t you worry about a thing, Lady Ruwahn!”
The woman who clasped both my hands in hers, her eyes sparkling almost uncomfortably.
“This Milla will teach you everything. Just trust me.”
Said the sturdy woman named Milla. Was she in her early thirties? I heard she had been with Kegan since his days as a monster hunter in Northca.
It was curious why he specifically assigned a former hunter, not an ordinary noble lady, as my maid.
“Our sweet little lady. You must become happy.”
But I didn’t dislike her. The large hands that grabbed mine and pressed them together as if in prayer were very warm.
“Truth be told, this Milla is a bit worried. Will our Lady Ruwahn be able to become happy tonight? No. I dare say I cannot guarantee it.”
“Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
Didn’t she just tell me not to worry?
“Oh my!”
Milla made a startled gesture, then suddenly smirked mischievously.
“Lady Ruwahn, you haven’t been discouraged even after seeing our Duke’s brave physical form up close. Oh, good. You have a braver heart than you look.”
“But he’s such a gentleman.”
Seeing me defend Kegan shyly, Milla stretched her mouth corners even longer.
“Oh dear. You were an innocent babe after all. Heh heh.”
“Babe…?”
It was true that I didn’t know much.
After losing my parents at fifteen, I lived alone for ten years. I went to the local church every Sunday, and there was one family of neighbors who occasionally checked in on me, but I had no real friends.
I was too shabby to socialize with other nobles, and I couldn’t cross the line drawn by commoners to associate with them.
My hometown, Tesena, was a small, closed-off village.
“This naive young lady! Well, you will see some frightening sights, but don’t you worry. That’s mine and the Duke’s job. And since I taught our Duke well even when he was an innocent lad, you won’t face any serious danger, Lady Ruwahn.”
“Wow, so Milla taught Kegan too.”
Whatever it was. She seemed even more impressive. After all, she was a close aide who knew my husband, whom I still didn’t know well.
“Indeed. I was the only woman on our hunting team, you see. Anyway, don’t misunderstand – my teaching method was purely sound verbal instruction, the kind that says a man should know what he needs to know and behave properly.”
“I don’t misunderstand.”
Held by Milla by both hands, I just nodded obediently.
“Then remember this, my lady. At first, you might find it hard to handle the Duke, but gradually you will come to feel it. Ah, that only this huge man in the world can make me the happiest! That’s what you’ll say.”
“Yes.”
I nodded eagerly.
Kegan was large. He seemed well over 190cm tall. His shoulders and chest were so broad that he sometimes looked like a different race from me.
Seeing him riding his warhorse at this morning’s military parade, I couldn’t help but gasp. It was like the harmony of two giant beasts of different species. It somehow even looked grand and beautiful.
“Fortunately, there’s only one thing our lady needs to be careful about. The Duke will be careful about everything else. Easy, right?”
“Yes, I’m ready.”
Now was the time to get to know Kegan a little more deeply.
“Then, first.”
Milla emphasized the precaution with force.
“Not screaming when the Duke takes off his pants.”
It was finally the day I would have my wedding ceremony with Kegan and share a bed with him for the first time.
