Chapter 32
Was today’s unusually joyful meal a premonition of the looming unease?
“Usher.”
At Eleanor’s call, Usher offered a faint smile.
“I’m sorry, Eleanor.”
And then, he apologized.
“What are you sorry for?”
To her question, Usher lowered his gaze without replying. His silence was the answer.
She knew better than anyone that he was someone who would never ignore others’ suffering for the sake of his own safety. He was that kind, that good. That’s why she loved him. But right now, knowing that made it all the more painful.
The warm sunlight that had bathed them moments ago now stung like thorns. Eleanor wordlessly clenched her hands under the table. She felt as if she might cry.
Usher had decided to return to the army.
“Ellie?”
And not just under any circumstances—things had become far worse since Logan left for the battlefield. The danger had escalated to the point of recruiting child soldiers. And he was brave—too brave.
“…Ellie?”
Olivia hovered in front of Eleanor, who just sat there blankly, unable to answer.
“Olivia.”
“….”
“Teacher’s okay, so could you wait just a little bit?”
In the end, he was really going.
“But…”
Was he not afraid of this life-threatening situation? That he might die on the battlefield, his family unable to even recover his body? Wasn’t he afraid?
“Ellie, you’re crying.”
Eleanor slowly turned to look at Olivia. Only upon seeing her tear-streaked reflection in those clear lake-blue eyes did she realize she was crying.
“Ah…”
She lifted her hand and wiped her tears. Her blurred vision cleared.
“Ellie, are you sad too?”
“Yes. Teacher is sad too.”
Eleanor smiled faintly. Only then did she start to understand why Olivia had cried so much earlier.
“I think I understand now… why you cried so much.”
Of course, she had thought it was just hard for a child to accept someone precious suddenly leaving, but this wasn’t simply that.
‘I’m leaving tomorrow.’
Eleanor pressed her forehead gently to Olivia’s and pulled her into an embrace. That warmth on her skin offered the smallest comfort.
‘I won’t go to see you off.’
‘Eleanor.’
‘I can’t bear to watch.’
Usher had only smiled sadly at her words, knowing well it would drive a stake through her heart. Even though he wasn’t abandoning his fiancée, it still felt like it.
“Ellie.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you not going to say goodbye to Usher?”
Eleanor froze.
“He said he’s leaving today.”
She hadn’t known Olivia was aware of Usher’s departure date. When Eleanor stayed silent, Olivia stepped away from her embrace and tugged her hand.
“He’ll be waiting.”
Olivia said it quietly, unusually serious for her bubbly personality.
“You don’t know when he’ll come back.”
Ah. Eleanor let out a small gasp.
“Olivia.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll go and come back. I won’t be long.”
“I’ll wait here, Olive will wait.”
Eleanor stood up hastily. Olivia nodded and stayed behind.
The butler George, noticing her rushing down the stairs, opened the door.
News had already spread throughout the mansion: Usher, Eleanor’s lover, was enlisting, and today was the day he left.
“Safe travels, Miss Hudson.”
“Thank you, George.”
She didn’t forget to thank him and rushed outside.
“Miss Hudson, get in the car. I’ll drive you to the station.”
“But…”
The car was meant for the head of the household. She hesitated, but the driver silently opened the door.
“If you try to run there, you’ll only arrive tomorrow. If there’s a problem, I’ll take responsibility. Please, get in.”
“Thank you.”
She didn’t refuse further—she was too anxious to argue.
The car sped off, as if it knew her heart. Eleanor clenched her hands tightly, praying he hadn’t left yet. Just one goodbye. That’s all she wanted.
“I’ll wait here.”
She nodded briefly and bolted up the stairs.
“Excuse me. The train to the capital…”
“Platform 2, it’s departing soon.”
With that, Eleanor raced, breathless.
“Usher! Usher!”
The platform bustled with people. She shoved through the crowd, searching frantically.
“Usher!”
What if the train left now?
“Eleanor?”
His voice. She turned. There he was in his crisp uniform, walking toward her.
“You said you wouldn’t come.”
“I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”
“…”
“Actually… I just really wanted to see you.”
She answered between breaths. Usher’s gentle gaze softened further.
“I tried not to be sad about not seeing you… but I would’ve really regretted it.”
He spoke softly. Eleanor gave a tearful smile.
“If I’d known, I would’ve married you earlier—even if the Count objected.”
“…Eleanor.”
“We have nothing tying us together.”
At her words, Usher pulled something from his pocket.
“This is…”
A worn pocket watch, clearly used often.
“Eleanor, Ellie. My lovely lady.”
He placed it gently in her palm. She stared at it—his only keepsake.
“If three years pass after the war ends and I still haven’t returned…”
“Usher!”
“…then I’m dead. Or too wounded to return. So don’t wait. Live your life.”
How could someone say such cruel words with such tenderness? Her tear-filled eyes met his.
She wanted to shout at him—but he was smiling so bravely. She couldn’t.
“I thought not marrying might be better… for your sake.”
“Don’t say that. I’ll really get mad.”
She gently raised her hand. He leaned down, letting her touch him.
“I wanted to give you something to keep you safe, but I gave it to the Duke when he left…”
I should’ve kept something, she thought, regretfully rambling.
“Instead, I’ll pray for you every day.”
Usher slowly opened and closed his eyes. She was glad her tear-soaked face wasn’t reflected in his violet gaze.
“So come back safe.”
“…”
“I’ll be waiting.”
She forced a smile, reached for him, and kissed him softly.
“Okay?”
Her trembling lips barely held back sobs. Usher dropped his bag, tossed aside his cap, and kissed her fully, cupping her face in his large hands.
“I will.”
“Train to the capital, departing now!”
The conductor’s voice rang out. Usher kissed her forehead one last time and boarded the train without looking back—as if he knew he wouldn’t be able to if he did.
But once aboard, he waved at her from the window. She waved back, smiling through tears.
‘I love you.’
That’s what his lips said.
She didn’t answer. She just smiled. And the train began to move.
“Can’t you not go?” she whispered. “Please don’t go.”
It was a soft plea, lost behind steel and steam. Of course, the train didn’t stop. Soon, the car he was in was out of sight.
Only then, Eleanor covered her mouth and broke down in sobs. The tears she held back in front of Usher poured freely.
Like Olivia on the day she saw Logan off, Eleanor cried and cried as she walked away from the platform.
“Mom, is that lady crying?”
“Shh. Quiet. Pretend you didn’t see.”
Outside, the warm spring sun bathed her head—and the pocket watch around her neck.
Usher said he’d come back. She said she’d wait and asked him to return safely.
So she would live, as he wished. She would do her part, in her place, and welcome him back when he returned.
Tears streamed no matter how much she wiped them. Everything was blurry.
But she kept walking.
The shadow of lingering sorrow reluctantly followed her.
