-29-
It had already been two months since I’d returned safely from the imperial palace and had my wedding dress altered. Now, the wedding was only a week away.
As it approached, I thought hard about what I still needed to do. When I asked Inabel and the head maid, Roena, their answer was firm and immediate.
“Absolute rest!”
And with that, they prepared a daily schedule that was the very definition of idleness—eat, rest, skincare, sleep—from morning till night.
To be in perfect condition for the wedding day, I had to maintain a strict diet, take care of my skin, and get quality sleep. They planned everything, from meals designed for health and weight management, to morning and evening skincare massages, and even aromatic oils for better sleep.
It made me realize that brides in this world weren’t all that different from modern brides.
“Young Lady, what book would you like to read today?”
I spent the rest of my time in the library. The mansion’s public library was massive, practically the size of a city library, and filled with a wide variety of books. I enjoyed reading everything from historical texts of this world to the surprisingly frequent romance novels.
“I’ll just continue the one I started yesterday.”
“If you finish that one, how about this book?”
“What is it? Hmm… A novel?”
Inabel, who was tidying up next to me, brought over a book from the shelves. The title was certainly… unique.
How a Count’s Daughter Kisses a Knight.
It sounded like something straight out of a modern web novel. The title was racy for this world’s standards, which surprised me.
These kinds of romance novels were usually popular among commoners. I was surprised to find one in a noble family’s library, but apparently even nobles read them—three full shelves were packed with books like this.
“It’s from the popular ‘Lady Series’ going around the capital lately! I read it too—it’s really good.”
“You like romance novels, Inabel?”
“I read it because some of my fellow maids recommended it. Oh, and this is a secret, but the head maid reads them too.”
“Roena does?”
“Yes. She told me to recommend them to you, thinking they might be useful with your upcoming marriage.”
“Really?”
If even stiff and proper Roena recommended it, then it must be genuinely good.
It was interesting to see that this kind of genre was flourishing even here. This one was titled Lady Series 16, and there were at least 20 volumes on the shelf.
The books were in surprisingly good condition, bound like hardcover editions you’d see in the modern world. Each had its own unique color, with gold-stamped titles—clearly tailored for the nobility.
Seeing these romance novels openly displayed in the duke’s library made me realize how well-developed women’s literature was here.
I took the book from Inabel and started reading. It really did feel like a modern romance novel—easy to read and surprisingly entertaining.
But the content was… rather bold.
Should I bring this to the grand duchy?
Not that Lucius would object. He’d probably find it interesting—he even asked Alexandra for advice about physical affection, so maybe he’d study these books too.
“…No, that’s probably not a good idea. Or maybe it is… No, actually…”
I skimmed the page I was reading and thought it over. The books ranged from tame to steamy, and if Lucius learned about intimacy from these, his skills would probably improve rapidly—but would that be a good thing for me?
Feeling strangely conflicted, I closed the book and stood up.
As I turned to put the book back, my eyes landed on an old book tucked in the bottom corner of the shelf.
“What’s this…?”
It was an old navy-blue book, coated with a thin layer of dust, as if it had sat there untouched for a long time. I brushed the dust away and saw cursive letters on the edge of the cover.
[Diana & Tiana]
Two names written side by side—the late duchess and Tiana. The handwriting was slightly slanted but neatly written. It made my heart ache somehow.
My “mother” and “me.”
I gently traced the names with trembling fingers and slowly opened the book.
“…Ah.”
Seeing the two names, I thought it might be a diary—but it wasn’t. It was a ledger. A ledger maintained by both of them.
Each thick page contained detailed information about the staff who worked at the mansion, and records on the internal management of the estate.
It documented staff hirings, resignations, salary payments, budget allocations, and all income and expenses.
Oddly enough, each page had the same content written twice—once on the left, and again on the right in different handwriting.
The left side was written by Tiana, and the right side by the duchess. While they wrote the same entries, there were small differences. Why did they do it this way?
I looked closer. The records began five years ago.
It seemed the two of them made entries independently. The duchess would review and add notes to Tiana’s entries, and Tiana would mark corrections if there were any discrepancies.
As I stared at the neat handwriting, fragmented memories surfaced. Were these Tiana’s memories? Or the duchess’s?
“Is this the right way?”
“Yes, very good. My Tiana.”
I saw the image of Tiana writing in the ledger and the duchess inspecting her work. Maybe that’s why the entries didn’t feel unfamiliar.
I could briefly picture Diana, the duchess—Tiana’s mother.
Beautiful, wavy red hair and silvery-gray eyes like Tiana’s, but hers were a darker shade. Those distinctive eyes must’ve come from her mother.
I hadn’t remembered her before—there had always been an unspoken atmosphere that kept me from thinking about the duchess.
In the original novel, the duchess had passed away from illness. Though this was still the pre-story phase, it seemed the same applied here. Her absence and how people behaved confirmed it.
But why was her death still being hidden? Even if I’d lost my memory, I had regained my stability. They could’ve told me by now.
Seeing this ledger only deepened my curiosity. I suspected that due to her illness, Tiana had taken on the household duties, with the duchess guiding her.
To think they even kept a shared ledger…
On the duchess’s pages were handwritten notes added by Tiana.
[I didn’t even realize I missed this.]
[Made the same mistake again. I need to check my calculations.]
[I still can’t write as neatly as Mother.]
[Mother’s handwriting is beautiful.]
Reading each note made my heart ache. It was clear Tiana had adored her mother. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have written these. She wouldn’t have read them so many times that the pages became worn.
The cover and edges were smudged with age. I kept flipping through the pages, reading all the little notes Tiana had left on the duchess’s entries.
By the time I finished the last page, tears had fallen down my cheeks. My reflection in the window showed red-rimmed eyes.
The last record was dated April 2nd, two years ago. Nothing came after that. Perhaps that was the day the duchess passed. The empty pages left me feeling hollow.
Their shared work on the ledger had ended there.
I closed the book and hugged it to my chest, sitting back against the bookshelf. I wept quietly, holding the ledger close.
I forced myself to eat lunch and wandered aimlessly into the garden. I still had the ledger in my arms. Inabel followed behind with a worried expression, but I didn’t want to care about her right now.
“Could you leave me alone for a bit?”
“…Yes, my lady.”
I dismissed the maids who had been hovering more than usual, and slowly walked alone to a corner of the garden. When I reached the largest tree, I found a swing hanging from its thick branch.
I sat on it carefully and began to sway, letting my thoughts drift. The weight of the ledger on my lap felt heavier than before, and tears welled up again.
Was this what longing felt like? A warm but heart-wrenching emotion I’d never experienced before. Ever since reading the ledger, something inside me had broken loose, flooding me with unexplainable feelings.
“I want to cry.”
Maybe it was because I’d never had parents that I couldn’t accept this emotion easily. But still… I felt it clearly—this longing.
I’d never once thought I missed my parents.
Was this yearning for the birth parents I never knew in the modern world? Or was it Tiana’s longing for the duchess?
The memories embedded in my body, and my own feelings, were colliding, blending into this shared grief.
So I guess… I do miss them—my parents.
According to my aunt and uncle, who had taken me in as a baby, my biological parents died instantly in a car crash.
My father’s older sister—my aunt—had wanted to send me to an orphanage, but my paternal grandmother stopped her. So I ended up living with my aunt and uncle.
But they constantly resented that decision.
“Why did she bring that useless thing here and make my life miserable!”
“You freeloader! What makes you think you deserve anything?”
My grandmother, who used to visit me, cherished me deeply. She said I looked like both my mother and father. She even filled in as my mom until kindergarten.
But then, she passed away before I started elementary school.
Back then, I was too young to understand what her absence meant. I didn’t realize that the emptiness I felt or the tears I shed at night were grief.
In that loneliness, I must’ve unconsciously suppressed the feeling of longing. I survived by learning how to live alone.
“That was the only way I knew how.”
Before I became an adult, I was just a burden who ate and used money. After turning 18, I became a money-making machine under my relatives’ watch.
They poured all their inferiority about my parents onto me but still demanded payment for raising me.
So I started working right away—no rest, no hobbies, just endless labor to meet the monthly costs they set.
I had no friends, no dating life, and romance was a foreign concept. My only solace was web novels.
Especially after I discovered Emperor’s Throne, the original novel of this world, I felt comforted. Lucius, the character I came to admire, gave me something to hold onto.
Maybe that’s why I was so happy to possess Tiana’s body and meet Lucius. It was my escape from hell.
But even here, I couldn’t run from the buried emotion of longing. The absence of a mother disturbed me more than I’d thought.
Probably because Tiana had been so close to hers. Just like me and my grandmother.
The way I used to copy letters while my grandmother corrected them—it mirrored Tiana and Diana.
The tears came again, and this time, I didn’t stop them.
