Chapter 9
How many times has Rigel fainted now? The second? The third?
I wasn’t sure anymore. It didn’t matter.
What mattered was that Rigel was lying on the bed like he was dead, and I was worried.
“…Did you just say, ‘Kill me’?”
I’m still young, but I know what death is.
Two years ago, my dog Lycos, who had been with me since I was little, crossed the rainbow bridge.
He was a smart, black dog who loved to catch the frisbee.
Every time he brought it back wagging his tail, I would say:
“Good job, Lycos!”
“Woof woof!”
That loving, gentle Lycos died, and I cried and cried. My mom told me then:
“Lycos, who went ahead, will be waiting for you. When you grow old and die someday, Lycos will come greet you. I really like that story.”
That’s what she said.
So I thought: death comes naturally with age. Later, when I studied medicine, I learned that dying from illness is also natural. All life, when it grows old or weak, dies.
That’s the truth.
But Rigel… he’s still young. He isn’t even seriously sick.
Yet he’s asking me to kill him. Why?
“Elena.”
While I stared silently at Rigel, a soft voice came from behind.
It was Erkiel, who had just entered the room. He walked closer and looked quietly at Rigel lying in bed.
“Rigel hasn’t woken yet?”
“No. The doctor said there’s nothing wrong, but still…”
I had reread the slave records, thinking maybe the brand mark caused this. But there was nothing.
Slaves were considered property. If a slave became useless because of the brand, it would be a loss for the buyer. So the brand itself couldn’t ruin them.
“He’s groaning.”
“He’s been doing that for a while. Maybe he’s having a nightmare.”
I wiped the sweat on Rigel’s forehead with a wet cloth.
What kind of dream could make him suffer like this?
Mom’s prophecy book had nothing about Rigel’s childhood. It only told the future, not the past.
“I once heard that children who become slaves very young often suffer terrible trauma,” Erkiel said.
“Trauma?”
“Simply put…”
“No, I know what trauma means.”
I shook my head. Erkiel nodded kindly, giving me a soft smile.
“Becoming a slave is horrible. Whether sold by family for money or kidnapped—it’s never clean. For a child to experience that, the shock must be enormous.”
“But Rigel told me to kill him. How big must the shock be for someone to say that?”
“Well… I can’t say for sure. But maybe it comes from a terrible experience… or guilt.”
“Guilt…”
Now that I thought about it, the first time he woke up, he called me “Mom.”
Could it be related to that?
“Anyway, I heard you’ve skipped dinner and stayed here all night. It’s kind to look after a sick child, but if you collapse too, that won’t help. Go rest for a while.”
“But if something happens again—”
“Don’t worry. I’ll stay here.”
Erkiel smiled warmly and reassured me.
Seeing the concern in his eyes, I couldn’t refuse. I finally nodded and stood up.
Still, Rigel shouldn’t stay here.
Not just because he’s the emperor’s illegitimate son… but because I no longer wanted to be empress.
‘Which means… Rigel doesn’t need to stay here at all.’
He was born to be emperor. Keeping him here just because of my selfish dream of becoming empress—it wasn’t right.
Especially since seeing him suffer like this hurt me too.
“I will free you someday,” I whispered.
Rigel couldn’t hear me, but it was my promise to myself.
After looking at him once more, still asleep, I finally left the room.
Rigel didn’t wake up until the next morning.
Even though a maid and a trustworthy guard stayed beside him all night, he remained unconscious.
I feared the worst, but finally, around noon, he opened his eyes.
“…I’m sorry for collapsing so many times.”
When he saw me, Rigel bowed his head right away.
He didn’t need to, but I let him be.
I told a maid to bring some porridge and sat across from him.
Looking at his pale face, I wrung out a wet cloth and raised it to his cheek.
Smack—!
Before the cloth touched him, Rigel’s hand struck mine away.
I stared at him in shock, and he looked around nervously before biting his lip.
“…I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. You’ve only been here a few days. You’ve been through a lot. Being cautious is normal. Don’t feel sorry for that.”
I calmly wiped the sweat from his cheek.
Then the maid brought in porridge. I pulled the small table closer and placed the bowl down.
“Here, eat.”
“…Thank you.”
He still looked so weak after fainting.
What had happened to him? Should I try to find out?
Clang—!
The spoon slipped from Rigel’s trembling hand and fell to the floor.
Was it because he had just woken up? Or because he hadn’t eaten properly these past days?
I cleaned the spoon and made a decision.
“I’ll feed you.”
“There’s no need—”
“Open your mouth. Ahhh—”
I opened my own mouth wide to show him.
Rigel shook his head in embarrassment.
“No, really, I—mmph!”
“What do you mean ‘really’? You can’t even hold a spoon. Just be quiet and eat.”
With his mouth full of porridge, Rigel couldn’t reply.
He only looked at me with confused eyes. But at least he didn’t spit it out.
I smiled faintly.
He reminded me of a little puppy, eating quietly from my hand.
It also made me think of a baby bird being fed by its mother bird. I felt oddly proud.
“…Why are you doing this much for me?”
“You’re asking for reasons again. Do you always ask so many questions?”
“No… it’s just… I don’t understand.”
“If you don’t understand, then just remember what I said. Now, ahhh—”
“…Ahhh.”
“You’re eating well enough. Don’t pretend you don’t want it.”
When I chuckled, Rigel’s pale face flushed faintly.
I scooped the last spoonful of porridge and lifted it.
“You need to eat and get healthy. I promised I’d free you. You’re not planning to be freed by dying, are you?”
“…No.”
“Good. Then eat more and recover. And one more thing…”
I pushed the last bite into his mouth.
“Don’t ever say ‘kill me’ again.”
“…What?”
With his mouth full, Rigel’s words came out muffled, his eyes wide.
“I don’t know your past. I don’t plan to ask. But since you’re my person now, I won’t let you die. Got it?”
“….”
Rigel stared at me blankly, then slowly nodded.
I wasn’t sure if he really understood, but I sighed and stood up.
“I have lessons this afternoon. You can rest here, or walk around the castle if you feel strong enough. If anyone bothers you, use my name.”
I told a servant to wash Rigel and give him clean clothes. Then I turned to him once more.
“I’ll say it again. You belong to me. So don’t die. That’s my first order to you. Understood?”
“…Yes.”
His slow nod made me smile. That was enough for now.
Without looking back at the stare I felt behind me, I left for my lessons.
My medicine and alchemy classes went until late evening.
They were hard, but I enjoyed them so much I skipped dinner.
“Shall I bring you a meal, miss?” the butler asked.
“No, it’s fine. You can go home now.”
The poor butler stayed late, worried I wouldn’t eat. But at my firm order, he finally left.
Growl—
“…I’m hungry.”
After washing, my stomach ached with hunger.
I regretted sending the butler away.
It was already ten o’clock. Too late to call anyone.
So I went to the dining hall alone, carrying a lantern.
Maybe there would be a basket of bread left somewhere.
I shone the light around. Then, in a corner of the dining hall, I saw a small figure.
“…Who’s there?”
I stepped closer with the lantern.
The person’s shoulders were shaking, like they were crying—or eating.
Frowning, I brightened the lantern.
At that moment, the figure froze. Slowly, the person turned.
“…Elena?”
It was Rigel.
But his mouth and chin were smeared with red blood.
He looked at me with a strange smile.
“Mon—monster… Aaaah—”
Thud—
My mind went blank, and I fainted on the spot.
