#79 Awakening (7)
‘What’s wrong with me?’
She wasn’t a pervert, so why was she acting like this?
Scolding herself in her head, Sasha quickly rolled her eyes away.
But maybe because he was so close, Pavel’s body kept slipping into her vision no matter how hard she tried to avoid it.
“Uh, hm.”
Before she could speak properly, she choked on her own breath.
“Ahem, ahem!”
Sasha covered her lips with her fist and cleared her throat.
‘Ugh, this is so embarrassing. Why am I acting like this…’
Her face twisted for a moment, but she forced herself to straighten it again.
Desperately looking the opposite way from Pavel, she spoke.
“Pavel, have you tried any of the other baths? The ones over there have herbs in them—the scent is nice and the water looks different.”
She pointed toward the smaller herbal baths she had seen earlier.
They were smaller than the one they were in now, but each had a unique herbal infusion.
She had planned to move there after soaking here for a while, but now she wanted to offer it to him instead.
But Pavel seemed to have no interest at all.
“I like it here.”
“Really…? I noticed they put a lot of dried folin in the one next door. It’s great for relieving fatigue and makes your skin smooth…”
“I’m fine. I like this one better.”
Even with her desperate persuasion, Pavel only shrugged, clearly determined not to leave.
Sasha forced an awkward smile.
“It’s a rare break… I’m not bothering you, am I?”
Pavel stared straight at her, even though she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Am I making you uncomfortable? By being here?”
“Mm…”
She hesitated.
‘Would it be weird to say yes?’
When she stayed silent, Pavel spoke first.
“I guess it’s true. You are uncomfortable being with me.”
He sounded oddly downcast, making Sasha snap her head toward him—
And that made her see exactly what she had been avoiding.
His short black hair clung to his skin, making him look more delicate and striking than usual.
The thin robe—clinging wet—outlined the firm shape of his body in vivid detail.
Then—
“…Hoo.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his damp hair.
The motion of his thick forearm muscles instantly caught her gaze.
“…”
She stared blankly until she noticed a drop of water slide along his sharp jawline and fall.
“…!”
Only then did she snap back to her senses.
‘…Did that work?’
Pavel discreetly studied her.
Were her flushed cheeks just from the hot water?
Or… was it because of him?
It was hard to tell.
Blinking slowly, he recalled one of Nikolai’s “lessons.”
“It’s the little things that women find attractive. So if you want to tempt one, you show off that masculine charm…”
Now was the time to use one of those tricks.
Slowly, Pavel raised his hand toward Sasha’s cheek.
“…!”
She flinched back in surprise, but it was too late.
His long, straight fingers brushed slowly along her cheek.
“You had something on you.”
He showed her a speck on his fingertip.
Whether there was really something there or not didn’t matter—
He had just followed his impulse, and Sasha, tense, didn’t have the focus to check.
The truth didn’t matter.
“You should wash up properly,” he said as his hand fell away.
Sasha finally let out the breath she’d been holding, though the tense air between them still made it hard to breathe normally.
“Atmosphere is important. You have to make it so tense that it’s hard to breathe!”
Nikolai’s “suffocating atmosphere” had indeed filled the space between them.
This wasn’t the first time.
Back at the ball, when they had been alone on the terrace, Pavel had looked at her the same way.
‘No way…’
Sasha bit her lip.
The same feeling was in his eyes now.
‘So that time… wasn’t my imagination?’
Things she had ignored—and truly forgotten—started tangling up her mind again.
Flustered, she avoided his gaze just like that time.
“I, uh, I’ll go first,” she blurted.
“You take your time,” she added.
“Why? You should stay longer too.”
“No, I’ve been here long enough. Look—my skin’s all wrinkled.”
She waved her hand vaguely, then hurried out of the bath.
In the hallway, she lightly knocked her forehead with her fist.
Why had she told him to come in without thinking?
She should have told him to leave—or left herself—when he first walked in.
But it was too late now.
Regretting it deeply, she left the grand bath without looking back, even though she could feel eyes on her.
Back in her bedroom, Sasha flopped onto the bed.
Her arms flailed slightly in a restless motion that gave away her unsettled mind.
When had Pavel started looking at her like that?
It was a troubling thought—
But what truly bothered her was…
“I… earlier…”
…had her heart fluttered?
For Pavel, of all people?
It was unthinkable.
Pavel, who was like a younger brother.
Pavel, much younger than her.
Pavel, who had barely reached her shoulder when they were little.
Pavel, who still felt young in her eyes.
And she was attracted to him?!
Self-disgust washed over her.
She touched the corner of her eye with cold fingertips.
“Ugh…”
Her head ached, her eyes felt hot—her emotions were too tangled.
“This is a crime…!”
Of course, that was only in her mind.
Technically, it wasn’t wrong to be drawn to him.
They were married, after all—their first meeting had been their wedding day.
Loving each other wasn’t strange for a married couple.
And Pavel was an adult now.
He had grown so tall she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes—
And his body was strong and well-muscled, radiating masculine charm.
“…Why am I even thinking like this?”
She sighed heavily.
Was it just because she was tired lately?
Otherwise, why was she having such indecent thoughts?
Sasha kept sighing and then suddenly thought—
“Is it my body?”
With her ability to remember past lives, she had lived like someone beyond earthly desires.
But those memories were nothing more than books in her mind, pulled out only when needed.
Knowing was different from experiencing.
And the truth was, she was still in her early twenties—full of youthful energy.
She had never once been in love, never felt her heart race for someone.
Her dating history was zero.
So when Pavel approached her without hesitation, of course she’d be flustered… and maybe drawn to him.
Especially since he had grown far beyond the “kid” she used to see him as.
She knew it in her head—
But her desire to avoid the situation was stronger.
“No, still… he’s too young…”
Her mind flashed to the well-trained body she had seen in the bath.
“Well… not that young anymore.”
She covered her face with her palm.
Like an ostrich burying its head in the sand, she wanted to disappear.
“Still… he’s younger than me, so no. I have a conscience.”
She rambled nonsense to herself.
“Sure, he’s an adult now, and I’m not that much older… but still.”
Dragging her hand down her face, she muttered,
“No… Pavel can’t be thinking clearly right now. I’m the only young woman around, so that’s probably why.”
She let out another deep sigh.
“For now, I should just sleep…”
And so, she escaped into sleep.
But even with her eyes shut, the spark had been lit—
And no matter how much cold water she tried to pour on it, the flames only grew.
While staying in Sullis, Sasha avoided leaving her room as much as possible—
To avoid meeting Pavel.
She gave Andrei and Nikolai their share of gold coins from the vault directly,
But she sent Pavel’s through Andrei without seeing him.
She couldn’t act like nothing had happened.
“It’s not like I’m a kid… I can’t just keep running away like this,” she murmured.
All those lifetimes of memories felt useless in this situation.
No matter how she searched them, she couldn’t find a clever way to handle this—
Except to keep avoiding him until her feelings settled.
It was the opposite of last year, when Pavel had gone out of his way to avoid her.
The difference was, now Pavel wasn’t chasing after her either.
Instead, he smiled faintly to himself.
“At last…”
At last, Sasha had started to be aware of him.
If what happened in the bath had meant nothing to her, she’d be treating him as before—
Not obviously avoiding him so much that others could notice.
“Sasha,” he murmured quietly.
It felt like she might pop out from somewhere saying, ‘Hm? Did you call me?’
But the room stayed silent.
“Alexandra.”
Still quiet.
Lowering his eyes, Pavel hesitated briefly before speaking again.
“My wife.”
Ah.
His mouth felt sweet—too sweet, like biting into something almost painfully sugary.
He ran his tongue over the inside of his teeth, savoring it.
…He missed Sasha.
