#148. Husband and Wife (1)
“You want to sleep together?”
Sasha asked, almost in disbelief.
“Why? Are you having trouble sleeping again?”
Pavel had struggled with insomnia for years, but whenever he was with Sasha, sleep came easily. On restless nights, he would come to her room, and if she sang him a lullaby or told him an old story, he’d quietly listen until he drifted off.
But ever since his teenage years, his insomnia had eased, and he’d been able to sleep alone.
“Well, I haven’t really slept well in a while.”
“Really? Since when?”
Now that she thought about it, during their time apart, Pavel often had trouble sleeping. When they talked through magic communication, Sasha would help him rest.
‘Has his insomnia come back?’
Worry creased Sasha’s face.
But Pavel’s next words caught her off guard.
“But I didn’t come because I want you to help me sleep. Tonight, I don’t just want to sleep.”
Sasha blinked, taken aback.
“Right, we haven’t seen each other in a while… So you want to stay up late talking?”
“That sounds nice, but I want to do something else too.”
With Pavel looking at her so calmly, Sasha swallowed nervously.
What does he mean by “something else”…?
Now she was suddenly hyper-aware of how close they were standing, and the subtle shift in the air between them.
Sasha started to inch away, but Pavel closed the distance in a single stride.
“Everyone put in so much effort tonight. We can’t just let it go to waste.”
He glanced meaningfully at every touch Olga had added to the transformed bedroom.
‘…Olga!’
Sasha forced an awkward laugh, calling out to Olga in her mind.
“It’s fine. Everyone will understand. I’ll just say you were tired and slept really well.”
“I’m not that tired, though.”
Pavel watched Sasha closely, then asked outright,
“Sasha, why are you trying to avoid me?”
“What?”
“Is it because you don’t want to… with me?”
“…!”
Sasha was more startled by that than anything else.
“I know it’s my first time, and I’m not exactly experienced… but I’ll do my best. I remember everything I learned—how to be careful, what to pay attention to.”
Pavel stumbled over his words, clearly embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding her eyes.
He didn’t have the practiced confidence of an older man who could smoothly set the mood. But something about his awkwardness made Sasha relax.
She looked at her young, inexperienced groom, trying so hard to be grown up.
Before their marriage, Sasha’s mother and Olga had given her all sorts of crash courses on marital life.
Apparently, Pavel had gotten his own version of that talk, though maybe a little different.
When did he get those lessons? Was it the tutor Dmitri hired?
Sasha couldn’t help but wonder and nearly grinned at the thought.
“We need to have an heir, after all…”
But Pavel’s next words made Sasha’s face fall.
He noticed instantly.
“Sasha? What’s wrong?”
“…”
After a long pause, Sasha spoke, her brow furrowed.
“Pavel. There’s something I need to tell you. It’s really important. It could change everything between us.”
Her serious tone brought a matching seriousness to Pavel’s face.
“Go ahead, Sasha. I’m listening.”
He waited patiently, but Sasha still hesitated.
“I never meant to hide this, but… it was never the right time. I think I have to say it now.”
She stopped herself from saying, If you want, I’ll agree to a divorce.
She remembered Pavel’s will, which she still kept.
In the past, I might’ve brought up divorce for his sake. But now I know—that would only hurt him.
“I shouldn’t say things that would only leave scars for someone who loves me as much as Pavel does.”
But she still needed to be honest.
Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself.
“I probably can’t have children.”
“…!”
Pavel’s eyes flew wide at the shock.
“What do you mean?”
He struggled for words, then blurted,
“Are you sick? What did the doctor say?”
Seeing him worry only about her health, Sasha’s heart clenched.
Regaining her composure, she explained slowly,
“It’s not for sure. I’m not sick. I’ve never talked to a doctor about it. But I’m almost certain.”
Her calm voice helped soothe Pavel’s anxiety.
He looked at her, silently asking for more.
“Because… in over twenty different lifetimes, I’ve never once had a child. Not as a man, not as a woman—not even when I wasn’t human. I’ve been married, I’ve had partners. But never, not once, have I had a child.”
Is it a kind of curse?
Sasha wondered if it had something to do with her memories from previous lives.
“I don’t know the reason, but after all this time, I think it’s safe to assume I’ll never be able to have a child.”
“…”
“I didn’t want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed. So I’m telling you now.”
She started off matter-of-fact, but as she spoke, emotion welled up inside.
I’ve never had a child, never even really wanted one before…
But it seemed she did care, after all.
She looked at Pavel, who was watching her silently.
“Do you understand what I’m saying, Pavel? I can’t give you an heir. Which means because of me, you—”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Pavel cut her off, firm and certain.
“An heir, titles—none of that matters.”
Sasha opened her mouth to protest, but Pavel spoke first.
“Listen, Sasha. Remember what you told me? Those blessed by mana live a long, healthy life as adults.”
“…Yes, that’s true.”
She wondered why he brought that up, but Pavel explained,
“It’s not like I want to live to 150 without you, but if I can work for a long time, it means there’s plenty of time to think about heirs. If it comes to that, we can always find someone worthy to take over. That’s all.”
It wasn’t something to be taken so lightly—but Sasha had no energy, no will, to argue.
No, she realized, she didn’t want to argue.
“Honestly, I don’t even want a kid that much. I’d hate it if you started caring about someone else more than me.”
Pavel winked playfully.
Sasha studied him, wondering if he really meant it or was just trying to make her feel better.
Before she could decide, Pavel wove his bare fingers between hers, holding her hand tight.
His touch, warm and steady, comforted her.
“All I want is to be closer to you, Sasha. To be more deeply connected.”
His words, and the warmth in his hand, reached her.
“Let me, Sasha.”
He waited for her answer, just like when he’d knocked and asked if he could come in.
He looked at her, patient and hopeful.
Sasha felt an intense, indescribable emotion stir inside. Her breath quickened, her eyes burned.
She couldn’t speak.
So she acted.
Throwing her arms around Pavel’s neck, she pulled him close. He tensed in surprise for just a second, then hugged her tightly in return.
And suddenly, laughter bubbled up.
“Pavel.”
Hoping he couldn’t hear her racing heart, she brought her lips to his ear and whispered,
“I wanted this too.”
Pavel’s eyes widened in surprise, then softened with joy.
He swept Sasha into his arms and carried her straight to the bed.
He lay down over her, and the long night began.
Sunlight streamed in through the curtains that hadn’t been closed.
Squinting, Sasha rolled over. Normally she would have gotten up right away, but today her body felt heavy—she just wanted to stay in bed.
“Mmm…”
But soon, the bright glare vanished.
Just as Sasha was drifting back to sleep, she sensed something odd and opened her eyes.
There was no sunlight on her face—someone was blocking it with their hand.
She blinked blearily up at the hand casting a shadow over her eyes.
“…Pavel?”
“Did you sleep well, Sasha?”
He sounded completely awake, like he’d been up for hours.
Clearing her throat, Sasha asked,
“I did. How long have you been doing that? Aren’t your arms tired?”
She looked up at Pavel, his hand shielding her from the sun.
“It’s not so bad. Are you all right?”
“Huh? Oh—ah!”
“We did go a little overboard… You even said it hurt. Sorry. I’ll be gentler next time.”
Memories of the night before came flooding back, and Sasha’s face turned crimson.
“It’s fine! Really, I’m fine. Oh—look at the time! Aren’t you hungry?”
She rambled, desperate to change the subject.
She pulled the bell by the bed. Not long after, there was a knock at the door, and a short silence settled between them.
But it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it felt peaceful, soothing.
It was always like this with Pavel, but last night, something between them had finally shifted.
“My lady.”
Of course, it was Olga who entered.
“Oh!”
Her face lit up when she saw the state of the room.
She grinned like someone who’d just witnessed a miracle.
Embarrassed, Sasha tried to play it cool.
“Good morning, Olga. Could you bring us a light breakfast?”
“I’ll have it ready right away.”
“Thank you. But, where’s Nina? Aren’t you busy?”
“Well, that’s…”
Olga trailed off, looking away.
Sasha had a feeling—something had definitely happened.
