“My mother originally worked as a court mage in the royal palace,” Asti said quietly, his gaze lowered.
“While she was there, she became involved with a married man… and that’s how she became pregnant with me.”
He spoke in a low, steady voice, but his hands were clenched tightly on his knees.
“When she realized she was expecting me, she resigned from the palace. Anyone guilty of infidelity can no longer serve there.
If it had been discovered that an unmarried woman was pregnant, they would have interrogated her about the father. So before that could happen, she disappeared without telling anyone and became an adventurer instead.”
He swallowed once.
“At that time, she altered the man’s memories and records, making it as though nothing had ever happened. Because of that… he doesn’t know I exist.”
His fists tightened further. I could only imagine what it must have been like for him, growing up with that knowledge.
“My… magical circuits were altered a little too, apparently. So that even if someone examined me, they wouldn’t be able to tell. Um… because of that, I have more mana than normal.”
He said it so casually, but both memory manipulation and altering magical circuits were forbidden arts.
To use them without hesitation… there was probably only one person capable of that.
—Even so, she chose to give birth to him.
Whether it was love for the man, or love for the life she carried, I couldn’t say.
“…Do you despise me?” he asked softly, still not looking up, his tone edged with self-mockery.
I shook my head slowly.
“When I was looking through Misty’s books… I found her diary,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have read it without permission. But… it was written there.”
Asti turned to me, eyes wide.
“That’s why I understood why you can’t forgive infidelity. And at the same time… I thought you probably can’t forgive your own existence either.”
During the divorce talks, Asti had been angrier than I was, even though I was the one betrayed. To be born from infidelity, and know that your very existence caused someone pain… that wasn’t something I could ever look down on.
He looked away again, running a hand roughly through his bangs.
“I kept wondering whether I even had the right to live,” he said.
“Even if I helped people who’d been cheated on, even if I thought I was atoning… it never went away.”
Then he looked at me.
My heart skipped.
“But… Sheila, you let me live. When I was angry, when I was depressed, your words always saved me.”
His eyes glistened slightly, and my chest tightened painfully. It hurt to know how long he’d blamed himself.
“I love you, Sheila. I really do. I was supposed to live alone. That was my plan.”
He smiled faintly.
“But when I met you, I started to think that maybe… even someone like me was allowed to live.
When you were divorcing Leon, the way you cared so deeply about the child who would become illegitimate… that made me so happy.”
“Asti…”
“And when you became single, I knew adventurers would target you. So I brought you to my family home…” He let out a small, embarrassed laugh. “Looking back, that was pretty underhanded of me.”
“That’s not true.”
I had needed to leave the capital to escape Leon. I had nowhere to go, and traveling long distances by carriage in early pregnancy would have been dangerous. His offer had been a lifeline.
“Your suggestion saved me,” I said honestly. “Because of you, I met Pochi and the spirits. I improved my recovery potions. I found someone I can call my mentor. I can live peacefully here.”
And yes, the household magic tools helped too.
“Please, Sheila,” he said suddenly, moving closer. “I won’t be selfish. Just let me stay by your side. I love you. I can’t be satisfied with anyone else.”
“W-wait—”
He leaned in, clinging to me.
“I’ve worked nonstop for years. I have plenty of savings. I could probably buy a thousand holy dragon horns. Of course, I’ll keep working hard.” He hesitated, then added quickly, “I do want to keep donating to the orphanage for illegitimate children. But everything else—you can use however you like. So please…”
He took my hands in both of his and pressed them to his forehead, as if praying. His desperation was unsettling—and yet, it made my heart ache.
“Please become my family. I don’t know what kind of father I had, but your child is your child. I’ll love them unconditionally.”
The word family made me hesitate.
If I remarried Asti… there was no guarantee I wouldn’t be betrayed again. The pain of being betrayed by someone who was supposed to be family still lingered.
“…I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I sound suspicious, don’t I? If it makes you feel safer, I’ll put a surveillance spell on myself. It’ll reflect in a mirror—you can check whenever you want.”
As if reading my heart, he swept away my fears before they could take root.
“Why do you always do that?” I whispered. “You always step ahead of my thoughts, erase my worries like it’s nothing…”
I told myself not to fall. Not to rely on him.
But my feelings kept growing anyway.
“I can’t read minds,” he said gently. “I’m just saying what I want to do, what I want you to know. Because I love you. If I can, I want to do anything for you.”
He smiled, a little shy.
“…I want to spoil you.”
His fingers brushed my cheek.
Only then did I realize tears were slipping down my face.
“I’ll say it as many times as it takes. I love you, Sheila. May I hold you? If you don’t want to… you can refuse.”
I couldn’t refuse anymore.
I didn’t want to.
Slowly, carefully, Asti drew me into his arms, mindful of my belly. He didn’t hold me tightly, but the warmth of his hand at my back seeped into my heart.
“…You’re warm,” he murmured.
“Yes… you are too.”
It had been so long since I’d felt someone’s warmth.
I’d forgotten how simply being held could make you feel whole.
He rested his forehead against my shoulder, rubbing lightly. His soft hair tickled my chin, and without thinking, I reached up and stroked his head.
“That’s the second time you’ve done that,” he said.
“Oh—did you not like it? I’m sorry. Your hair was just so soft…”
“No. It’s embarrassing… but I’m happy.”
He stayed still, letting me continue.
“I feel… ridiculously happy,” he muttered. “This is dangerous. I feel like I could destroy the world.”
“Hey!? Don’t destroy the world!”
“But you’re holding me, patting my head, and it feels like I’ve monopolized all the happiness there is. I’m so happy I might explode.”
“Exploding with happiness is fine, but why does that lead to destruction?”
“Then I won’t destroy it. I’ll save it instead.”
“What does that even mean?”
I laughed softly before I could stop myself.
Somewhere along the way, his words had started making me smile without effort. At first, I’d thought he was strange. And honestly… maybe he still was.
“…Sorry,” he said quietly. “This is my first time feeling like this. I don’t really know how to judge distance. If I make you uncomfortable, please tell me.”
But I wasn’t uncomfortable.
If anything, I felt something gentle and precious blooming inside me.
“It’s not unpleasant,” I said. “If it were, I’d say so. …Your feelings make me happy. But… are you sure you want me?”
I wasn’t confident. I was full of doubts.
Asti looked at me seriously, cheeks flushed, heat shining in his eyes.
“I want you. I’m glad the one person I ever loved in my life was you. I love you, Sheila. I really do.”
This time, I hugged him first and whispered against his chest.
“…I do too.”
As his arms tightened around me, just a little, I hoped—fervently—that this happiness wouldn’t explode after all.
