I deliberately started the conversation in a nonchalant voice.
“Thank you for being considerate of me. Then, while we are at it, could you help me with one more thing? An investigation into Gerald.”
“Anything you want.”
Rastan answered lightly as he took a sip of his tea.
“Then please look into whether Gerald has any illegitimate children.”
The fact that Gerald was a man who couldn’t produce children to begin with was something I knew because, after regressing, I was aware of the contents of the original novel.
Rastan thought that the rumor about Gerald being impotent was just something spread to humiliate him.
I spoke in as emotionless a tone as possible, but Rastan, who had lowered his eyes while drinking his tea, briefly lifted his gaze to look at me.
There was a strange emotion in that look. It was because he didn’t particularly try to hide it.
‘He must be wondering why I would care whether a man I’ve already broken up with has a child or not.’
Even from my own perspective, it was a request that could easily make someone think, ‘Does she still have lingering feelings for him?’
To prevent unnecessary misunderstandings from growing, I immediately explained the reason.
“Gerald likely had several mistresses or women he was briefly involved with. There might be assets hidden under the names of those women, or of those illegitimate children.”
Only then did Rastan’s face, which had subtly sunk into tension, return to normal.
“I see. Understood.”
“Since the illegitimate children might be using entirely different surnames, you really need to investigate thoroughly. Of course you would, but still.”
Although I knew Rastan’s perfectionism well, thinking that this was the last chance to confirm Rosie’s existence made me add that unnecessary remark.
“I’ll mobilize both official and unofficial methods and look into everything without missing a single lead, so rest assured.”
Only after hearing his firm answer could I put on an indifferent face, as if I had no interest in the illegitimate children’s personal details, and nod.
***
Rastan must have truly done his utmost on the investigation I requested, because he brought back the results in just a few days.
“Uh, how did it go…?”
I tried to hide my pounding heart, but there was no helping the slight tremble in my voice.
“Baron Lansval had several mistresses even before Dona Hagen. Just as you said, there were many women he only brushed past briefly. I didn’t even bother counting the women he spent only a single night with.”
Rastan openly showed a look of disgust, but his voice itself remained calm.
“However, among all those women, there was not a single one raising Baron Lansval’s child. It seems he really was an ‘impotent cucumber’ from the start.”
“Ah….”
“So there couldn’t possibly be any assets handed over to illegitimate children. It is astonishing that he did not even give a single coin to his mistresses either.”
Rastan let out a light, incredulous laugh and finished his briefing.
But to me, the result was anything but light.
Because it had become almost certain that Rosie didn’t exist in this world.
‘No, at this point, I should say it’s certain.’
These were the results of an investigation Rastan conducted by mobilizing the Empire’s information network as well as his own informants.
They matched the results I had obtained from information guilds so far, and were conducted by elite personnel boasting a level of accuracy that couldn’t even be compared to theirs.
That was why I had pinned my last hope on this investigation…
The thread-thin hope snapped cleanly, just like that. Rastan, who had been keenly watching my complexion, quickly asked.
“Are you all right? Your face suddenly….”
I tried to give an answer like “Yes, of course.” But my dazed mind and drained body didn’t obey me.
My legs gave out, and I collapsed right there.
“Evelyn!”
Rastan hurriedly caught me and supported me.
Even though he was calling out right in front of me, it sounded distant, like a low buzzing as if I were underwater, pounding in my head. Rastan seemed to be shouting something while holding me, but I couldn’t hear it clearly.
‘Then did that mean I hadn’t actually regressed to the place I originally lived, but had come to a different world? A world where Rosie doesn’t exist?’
Since returning from death, bringing down House Lansval had been important, but in the end, my final goal and driving force had been Rosie.
‘And yet that child is not far away, nor hidden away somewhere, but doesn’t exist in the first place.’
A chill ran through me, my whole body trembling violently, and my head throbbed as if it had been plunged into icy water.
‘My Rosie. My Rosie, who makes me cry just thinking about her…. never even existed. That poor child exists only in my memories. No one in this world knows of that child’s existence.’
Rastan seemed to urgently call someone and give instructions, then immediately lifted me into his arms.
As I lay cradled in his arms, drifting blankly for a moment, I found myself in my room.
At some point, Ris had followed us in as well, helping by pulling back the blankets so that Rastan could lay me down properly on the bed.
“My Lady, are you all right? I’ve called for a physician, so they will arrive soon.”
I lay limp and powerless like a doll. My eyes were clearly open, yet it felt as if my body were completely detached from reality.
As Ris’s voice reached me, my foggy mind cleared a little, and I belatedly recognized the reality I was in.
I must have been stunned for a moment by the shock that Rosie didn’t exist, and guilt came first, for having startled so many people over something that was, in truth, nothing at all.
While lying down, I barely managed to lift one hand a little.
“I am fine, ah… I just need to be alone for a bit…”
But Ris didn’t let me finish speaking.
“Do you know what your face looks like right now, my Lady? How cold your hands and feet are, how stiff your whole body is? Please say something that makes sense!”
Ris, who always followed orders without question, raised her voice unusually.
My head throbbed, and as I frowned and closed my eyes, she shut her mouth tightly, looking apologetic.
“I’m sorry. But…”
Rastan, who had been watching from the side, spoke quietly.
“Ris.”
No, his voice only felt quiet because it was naturally low and deep, but even Rastan’s voice sounded a little uneasy. This situation, where I looked as if I had fainted with my eyes open, seemed to make him extremely flustered and worried.
With a small gesture, Rastan motioned Ris back and came closer to me. He carefully pulled the blanket up around me, then brought over a chair and sat beside me.
“You look this unwell. I cannot leave you alone. If you are tired, just close your eyes for now. I will stay right here and watch over you.”
As he said that, he firmly held my hand with his warm one. The mind that had been floating as if half detached from my body seemed to return to it in an instant at that warmth.
“Yes…”
I answered weakly and closed my eyes as told.
Then tears I didn’t even realize had pooled slid down the side of my face.
Yes, I suppose I wanted to cry. At the emptiness of Rosie not existing, and at the thought that I would never see her again.
Soon, my consciousness rapidly blurred. It seemed the physician arrived, but Rastan and Ris didn’t bother to wake me.
After that, I lay ill for two or three days, unable to leave the bed because my fever wouldn’t subside.
Each time others weren’t by my side, I would cry quietly, and because of that, the fever they had barely managed to bring down with medicine kept rising again and again.
Rastan was restless, saying he would call for a more skilled physician, but I reassured him that I would recover soon.
Right now, I wasn’t suffering from a serious illness, but mourning the existence of Rosie, who had vanished.
I knew that if I cried my heart out for a few days and sorted through my feelings, the sadness would remain, but after hitting the deepest bottom of grief, I would gradually rise back up.
And… that was exactly what happened.
Little by little, I came to accept that Rosie didn’t exist in this world now, I cried less and less, and naturally, my fever began to go down as well.
And a few days later, I was able to get back on my feet.
Once I recovered, everyone in the Blake manor, who had worried about me nonstop, celebrated me by throwing a small party.
It was a surprise party prepared in a small hall.
“Congratulations, my Lady!”
“You worked so hard. You must never get sick again!”
Dozens of people surrounding me applauded, their faces filled with affection, joy, and concern.
Sally, Ris, and Raven were clapping the loudest right at the front, and Rastan, who had brought me into the hall, was standing beside me with an arm around my shoulders, looking down at me with affectionate eyes.
“Haa…”
Overwhelmed with emotion, my chest felt tight, and a sigh escaped me on its own.
‘Have I ever been loved this abundantly in my entire life?’
The sense of loss as if I had lost Rosie, the emptiness of having lost the goal of this life, the painful feelings all seemed to melt away and disappear.
And into my chest, which had been empty and aching, something else was now filling it to the brim.
