Chapter : 09
To Hell With Being Kind
The memory is still vivid. That isolated land where the only things in sight were mountains and the sea. A place bordering on the wilderness, where you couldn’t see a single passerby, let alone a bus heading back in the distance.
Fourteen-year-old Cho-won was resentful of the fact that she had been sent to such a place, especially against her will. Strictly speaking, it was imprisonment. Everyone called it a “training center” or a “shelter,” but neither education nor protection took place there. Since her arrival, the only things Cho-won had witnessed were coercion and violence.
Unable to endure the suffocating life, Cho-won would often hide, slipping away from the watchful eyes of the monitors. If she set her mind to it, she could find plenty of places beyond their gaze. Corners of the stairs leading to the basement, or the small gap next to the trash incinerator in the backyard. Though she had to endure the dampness and unpleasant odors, curling up there allowed her to enjoy a brief moment of freedom.
And in those moments, Seol would occasionally pop up out of nowhere.
“…Here. This.” “What is it?” “Your knee… I thought you might have scraped it when you tripped earlier.”
Cho-won stared blankly at the adhesive bandage Seol held out, then looked up at him as he stood there hovering awkwardly. A youthful face likely the same age as hers, a height similar to her own, a quiet voice, and slow speech. That was the extent of the information Cho-won had about Seol back then. Though they crossed paths occasionally at the training center, they had never really talked or shared any friendship.
Yet, strangely, Seol was always kind to Cho-won. In a place where skipping meals was common, on days when fruit was served as a snack, he would save his portion and bring it to her. Whenever the boisterous Cho-won scraped or hurt herself, he would hand her ointment or bandages.
“Do you want to be friends with me?”
So that day, she just blurted out the question. Seol looked flustered, appearing as if he didn’t know what to do, before quickly hanging his head. From her crouched position, Cho-won could see Seol’s face flushing bright red.
“…Yes.” “Why?” “…Huh?”
Surprised by the unexpected follow-up, Seol snapped his head back up. Cho-won simply shrugged as if she didn’t understand and stood up.
“I’m asking why you want to be friends with me specifically. There are plenty of other kids here.”
Seol was only slightly taller than Cho-won. Thanks to that, their eyes met at a similar height without discomfort. Seol still seemed embarrassed; he couldn’t speak easily and just fidgeted with his fingers. Then, as if he couldn’t help it, he ducked his reddened face again and spoke in a small voice—yet clear enough to be heard.
“Just because……. I like you.”
[I’m heading out first.]
A memo written in neat handwriting. Cho-won stared at it for a moment, then turned her gaze to the sandwiches wrapped in plastic, sitting tidily on the dining table.
It had been a long time since she had a morning without the presence of Yo-han. Even on days when he left for work to match the tea house’s opening time, he was the type to shout for Cho-won before leaving the house.
Noona! I’m heading out! I made breakfast, so make sure you eat it!
Cho-won, a light sleeper, would wake up to the faint sound even while trying to sleep in. At first, she had been annoyed, wondering what kind of noisy guy he was. But at some point, she grew used to it, often letting out a hollow laugh as she woke up.
…Was he busy today?
Looking at the short note, Cho-won’s mind suddenly drifted back to yesterday’s memories. Come to think of it, from the moment he followed her up to the rooftop yesterday, Yo-han had been silent. Even after returning home. Calling her “Noona” as she stood alone on the empty rooftop was the last thing he had said.
She couldn’t exactly recall what kind of expression Yo-han had at that moment. She hadn’t been in the right state of mind to read anyone’s expression then.
Cho-won sat there blankly without even unwrapping the sandwich, then eventually picked up her phone. She found a name in her contacts and pressed the call button. After a dry ringing tone, the person on the other end picked up with a click.
—What is it?
Despite it being their first call in a long time, the Old Woman’s voice was as blunt as ever, which actually made Cho-won smile.
“You haven’t called or texted once all this time—isn’t that a bit much? You should at least check in.” —Seeing as you’re rambling pointlessly, it seems something has happened.
Seriously, she’s a total fortune teller at times like this.
Cho-won smiled without a word, stood up from her chair, and walked toward the living room window. Through the large glass, she could see the yard bathed in morning sunlight. As she opened the window slightly, the cool air surged through the gap.
Cho-won took a deep breath of that air and let it out, fixing her gaze on something. A tall, old tree with a thick trunk standing in a corner of the yard, its leaves now heavily tinted with the colors of autumn.
“It was winter when I first came to this house, wasn’t it?” —It was. Before the fallen snow had even melted. “Right. Back then, that tree was covered in snow. It looked like flowers had bloomed.” —…Are you talking about the tree in the yard? “Yeah. And I realized it when spring came shortly after. That it was a magnolia tree. The white flowers bloomed so large, they looked just like the traces of the snow that had first clung to it.” —……. “It made me sad. It reminded me of someone.”
The wind blew, and the sound of branches and leaves softly brushing against each other filled the air. After that, whenever she occasionally saw snow piled on that tree, Cho-won would think of that person.
Seol. A child with the name of “Snow.” In the midst of a dark hell, a boy who smiled like a white snow flower in bloom.
“For a while at first, I missed him. I was curious, too. If he was doing well, if he ended up broken somewhere like me, or if he died without anyone knowing. But… every day turned into ‘often,’ ‘often’ turned into ‘sometimes,’ and even that ‘sometimes’ blurred until I almost forgot. That in that hell, I wasn’t alone.”
The Old Woman just listened silently to Cho-won’s rambling. She knew that what Cho-won needed right now wasn’t an answer, but simply someone to listen to her story.
Cho-won could never forget the moment her eyes met that familiar face when she looked up at the roof after the truck driver’s fall. Twelve years had passed, and he seemed a bit different, but she knew just by the feeling.
It was him. Han Seol. The shy, cowardly boy who had stayed by her side through those three years in that hell.
Cho-won couldn’t explain the emotion of the moment she ran toward him. She just felt like she had to the moment she saw him. She felt she had to see him closer and confirm something. It wasn’t an emotion like longing or affection.
She was just… curious. If he had been doing well. Whether he was now living “as if he were alive,” escaping those dark memories just as she had stepped into the world, little by little, away from that hell.
But there was no one on the rooftop. As if possessed, Cho-won had looked around the empty roof, catching her breath. But she couldn’t find even the slightest trace.
“If the person I saw was really him, why… did we meet again in a place like that?”
And why, just why, was he there?
She felt a bit dizzy. Cho-won leaned her body against the window frame.
Business hours had ended long ago. Yo-han finished his preparations to leave much later than usual. Even then, for some reason, he just sat in the inner part of the cafe kitchen, a spot not visible from the outside.
His complicated state of mind was evident in his downward gaze. With a faint sigh, he stared at one of his hands.
The sensation of Cho-won brushing this hand away yesterday remained vivid. Yo-han already knew who was standing on that rooftop. However, he hadn’t expected Cho-won to run toward him that fast the moment she spotted him.
Han Seol.
As soon as she confirmed that man’s face, Cho-won shook off Yo-han’s hand like someone possessed and ran toward the building. Yo-han followed immediately, but the sudden crowd of people forced a distance between them.
When he finally climbed the stairs to the rooftop, he saw Cho-won’s back as she stood in the center. That strangely hollow feeling was so unfamiliar that Yo-han couldn’t easily approach her.
‘Noona.’
Yo-han could still not forget the look in Cho-won’s eyes when she slowly turned around at his quiet call. Empty eyes. Eyes with nothing in them. Eyes that looked sadder because of it. Eyes that were clearly looking at him, but seemed to be searching for someone else.
Did he mean that much to her?
Feeling strangely slighted and sorrowful, Yo-han had avoided Cho-won from last night until this morning. Not having the confidence to face her at home, he continued to work past his clock-out time. He didn’t know exactly what he was feeling, but recalling Cho-won’s expression from yesterday made him feel like something was leaking from his heart. Like a water bag accidentally pricked by a nail. He couldn’t define the feeling for the life of him.
This feeling of wanting to scream like a child… what is it?
Distressed by his complex emotions, Yo-han closed his eyes languidly, resting his hand on his head.
That was when he sensed something strange. The moment a tingling sensation brushed past his feet, he took his hand off his head and looked at the small window in the back of the kitchen.
6:00 PM. The alley had grown dark as the days shortened, and streetlights were flickering on. That was all that could be seen from here, but Yo-han could feel that something had just passed by—and it had passed by ostentatiously, clearly aware of his presence.
…It’s him. He’s nearby.
Cho-won stopped by a convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes. After finishing her call with the Old Woman in the morning, she had spent a long time lying in bed in a lethargic mood. It was only after drifting in and out of sleep for hours that she felt she needed to move. Only then did she eat the sandwich Yo-han had left on the table.
It was even later when she finally stepped out of the house. She suddenly felt like having a smoke, but of course, she happened to be out. A situation arose where she had no choice but to go out.
As she asked for a pack of Marlboro Lights, the image of Yo-han suddenly thrusting a banana milk at her crossed her mind. Come to think of it, it was well past his time to be home.
Should I go to the tea house?
On her way home, she stopped and contemplated for a moment. She didn’t know why, but the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about Yo-han’s expression yesterday, and his silence until this morning, weighed on her mind.
…Why is everything bothering me like this?
Cho-won shook her head to dismiss the feeling. Her mind was a mess. Too many things had happened at once. And Yo-han, who kept catching her eye lately, played a part in that.
When did it start? Why does that guy bother me like a piece of apple stuck in my throat?
Her head throbbed from the mounting stress. Wondering if there was any headache medicine left at home, Cho-won started walking again.
It happened in that instant. Someone appearing from behind grabbed Cho-won’s wrist with a large hand and pulled. There was no time to sense a presence. Taken by surprise, Cho-won lost her balance to the sheer force without even being able to put up a proper fight.
End Of Chapter : 09
