Chapter : 04
To Hell with Being Kind
During the entire taxi ride back, Chowon didn’t say a single word.
‘It’s nothing. I just… got scratched while I was carrying you on my back.’
When she had woken up from her dream and grabbed Yohan’s hand, he had looked surprised. Of course, it was only for a fleeting second. Soon, his expression returned to its usual state, and he answered her with that ever-present smile.
No, that’s not what I was asking about.
Chowon suppressed the words that climbed up her throat. It was partly because she hadn’t quite sorted out the matter within herself yet.
How should she even describe it? That feeling like her entire dark nightmare was being sucked away somewhere. His hand, which she had caught when she reached toward the center of that vortex. The blood dripping from beneath his torn flesh. Those sensations—sinister and suspicious, yet impossible to fathom how they were connected…
“Take my hand.”
When the taxi stopped, he got out first, walked over to her side, and opened the door. Chowon stared blankly at his outstretched hand. The hand that had been bleeding was now wrapped in bandages, just as it had been treated in the emergency room.
Would I sound like a lunatic if I told him it felt like my nightmare was being sucked into his hand?
“I’m fine.”
Answering curtly, she ignored his hand and got out of the car on her own. As the taxi pulled away, Chowon brushed past Yohan and entered the gate first. She could feel him following silently at a moderate distance, but she didn’t look back.
“…What are you thinking about?”
Yohan’s voice suddenly drifted toward her just as she had climbed three or four steps up toward the second floor. His low, grounded tone nagged at her, so she turned around to face him.
Looking up at her, his eyes were so clear and deep that they almost looked sad. But that image didn’t resonate with the current Chowon. To her, Yohan was still a stranger. For someone already so wary of the world, he was a presence that evoked more anxiety than any other emotion.
Uncertain. Unpredictable. And yet, strangely… difficult to look away from.
She wanted to ask. About the bizarre sensation she experienced today and the bloodstains she saw in front of her room. But she was also afraid to voice things that hadn’t even been settled in her own mind.
Was it because of the sudden downpour, or because the feeling of her nightmare vanishing was so vivid? Along with this complicated heart, memories of the past she had buried for so long felt like they were rising from the depths, ready to burst at any moment. Along with the terror and fear of that time.
“…I made it back safely thanks to you. I’ll pay you back.”
Instead of a long explanation, she gave a short acknowledgment and turned to head up the stairs. Yohan watched her back until she disappeared.
Eventually, the faint sound of a door closing echoed. Only then did Yohan let out a slow breath and sit down on the edge of the stairs.
‘What… was that?’
She was trembling. Back then.
The moment Chowon grabbed his hand, he felt her precarious anxiety in its entirety. The vibration transmitted through his skin, the look in her eyes as she watched him.
The twenty-nine-year-old Chowon, who used to scoff and say the world was already too cruel for her to be afraid of just one person, was no longer there. That terrified gaze belonged to a seventeen-year-old girl, still frozen at the moment she was wounded twelve years ago.
Yohan wiped his face with both hands. The image of Chowon climbing the stairs with a look of total exhaustion kept flickering before his eyes.
Inside the office of the publishing house ‘Seoyul.’ Hyerym looked out the window, shifting her gaze from her phone where the ringing had just cut off.
“She’s still not answering….”
The rain, which had poured down without warning as if possessed by something, had stopped just as suddenly. After the brief shower on a clear day, the city outside the window sparkled like a freshly polished dish. It was a refreshing sight, but her heart wasn’t in it. Instead, Hyerym looked back at her phone with a worried expression.
Chowon suffers from tinnitus whenever it rains. Hyerym didn’t know the cause. She had never asked Chowon about her past, nor had she heard any specific stories. She only guessed. She knew that, whatever the circumstances, a trauma lingered in Chowon’s life—a wound that would never be erased.
I’m worried.
Hyerym grabbed her coat. Contact with Chowon had been cut off after her last message saying she would come to the office. It had only been a short time, but there was no telling what had happened to Chowon in the interim. She decided she had to check either Chowon’s house or the Clover Tea House.
“CEO! Are you going out?” “Yeah, I have somewhere I need to check on.” “Wait, there’s something you need to see first….” “Later. When I get back.”
Just as she was putting on her coat and grabbing her car keys, a message notification chirped on Hyerym’s phone. Chowon’s name was in the preview pop-up.
[I don’t think I can make it today. I’ll contact you later.]
As soon as she saw the brief message, Hyerym let out a sigh of relief.
Oh, thank god.
It felt like the red light signaling a crisis had turned green. Of course, she was still worried about what had happened in the meantime. However, based on her experience with Chowon, if she said she’d contact her later, it was best to wait.
“Ah, Dahui. I don’t need to go out after all. What were you going to say?” “That is… a strange article just went up.” “An article? What now?”
The employee handed the phone to Hyerym with a troubled look. The moment Hyerym read the headline on the screen, her face crumpled.
[The Veiled Murderer-Author A! Who is she?]
There are always sleep induction pills in her desk drawer. On days when she suffered from extreme nightmares or when a sudden surge of anxiety peaked, Chowon would often flee into sleep with the help of medicine. A deep sleep without nightmares always helped her escape reality.
Today was similar. The sudden rain, the familiar terror that came with it, and Yohan’s eyes that suddenly felt foreign. To escape all of it, Chowon chose a death-like sleep. Until the anxiety she was feeling felt distant. Until her confused heart grew calm once more.
When she opened her eyes feeling lethargic, it was already 2:00 AM. Chowon sat up groggily and looked around. The dark room was barely lit enough to identify the shapes of objects.
Blinking her eyes slowly, she climbed out of bed. She was thirsty. She wanted water. She had to go down to the first floor.
Leaving her room, Chowon shuffled toward the stairs. But as she went to step onto the first stair, she flinched and came to a halt.
She saw Yohan down at the bottom of the stairs. He was sitting on the steps with his back to the second floor, his head leaning against the wall like an exhausted man. He was in the same clothes he had worn during the day, and he didn’t move an inch at the sound of her presence.
Did he fall asleep like that?
Chowon hesitated for a moment, then carefully descended the stairs one step at a time. As she got closer, she could hear Yohan’s faint, steady breathing.
With a sigh that was barely audible, Chowon softly took a seat beside him. Then, tilting her head slightly, she stared intently at his sleeping face.
The weather had cleared, leaving a bright moon in the night sky, and a deep violet glow spread faintly through the living room window. Those surroundings, which might have felt dark otherwise, felt peaceful today for some reason. Perhaps it was because of this guy’s face, sleeping so harmlessly.
“…I’m handsome, right?”
Suddenly, a slightly cracked voice drifted from his lips. While Chowon flinched in surprise, Yohan slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. Seeing their eyes meet, he gave a grin and slowly sat up straight.
“…You weren’t sleeping?” “Where in the world would you find a sleeping totem pole? I have to guard the house.”
At Yohan’s joking tone—as if nothing had happened—Chowon let out a habitual hollow laugh. Yohan didn’t miss it, watching her quietly before raising a hand to briefly place the back of it against her forehead. Before the flustered Chowon could react, the rough texture of the bandage brushed past her brow.
“That’s a relief. No fever.” “What’s this all of a sudden?” “How are you feeling? Better than before? Did you get some sleep?”
Being questioned in a gentle tone as if she were a child made Chowon feel a bit bewildered and a little tickled. Whether it was the nighttime atmosphere or the fact that she had slept for several hours, even the suspicion and anxiety she had felt during the day seemed like a distant memory. It was something she always felt, but strangely, Yohan had a peculiar way of calming her jagged heart.
“Whatever. If you’re going to sleep, go inside. Don’t be a big guy sitting out here like this.”
Answering more bluntly on purpose, Chowon stood up. But before she could take a single step, she felt the sensation of a large hand catching her wrist. When she turned back, Yohan was looking up at her with those innocent, clear eyes.
“There’s something you want to ask, right? To me.” “…….”
Flustered and feeling as though he had hit the nail on the head, Chowon remained silent. Sitting there looking up at her, Yohan wore a child-like expression. It was the first time she had looked down on him like this—him, whom she always had to look up at because of his height.
“That thing you want to ask, Noon-nim… you’re right. I did it.” “…What are you talking about?” “I’ll explain. Not now, but tomorrow.”
So, for today, just rest some more.
Gently letting go of her wrist, Yohan stood up. With his usual smile. Chowon stood still, watching his movements. Yohan didn’t bother to avoid her gaze as she stared intensely at him.
It was always like this. Even though it had only been a few days since they met, he always looked at her with those deep eyes that seemed like they would accept anything. The sensation of their eyes meeting as if he had been waiting whenever she turned her head was a bit foreign to Chowon. Perhaps that was why.
“You… what’s your name?” “……?” “I assume ‘Totem Pole’ isn’t your actual name.”
Quite out of the blue, she became curious about something trivial.
At the unexpected question, Yohan was a bit taken aback. He didn’t grasp the situation for a moment.
Name? Did she just ask for my name?
A smile slowly spread across his stunned face, like watercolor paint bleeding into paper. His face, lighting up at even a tiny bit of interest, was captured entirely in Chowon’s eyes.
He answered in a low voice.
“…It’s Yohan. Ko Yo-han.”
End Of Chapter : 04
