Chapter 5……………………………
Psyche tilted her head.
She asked in a voice that sounded almost innocent—but in truth, it was a spiteful question meant to unsettle her father, even if only once.
It was the twisted inner truth of someone who had never been loved, raised only in hatred.
Then Psyche spoke again.
“Not once has anyone treated me like family—so you’re my father? What kind of father gives his child not even a proper room, but a tiny attic, and never once looks at their face?”
As she continued speaking, her heart pounded violently.
It was the first time she had ever said such things. Her chest thumped as if it would burst, and strangely, tears welled up in her eyes.
Still, she had always wanted to say it at least once.
“If we were truly family, you would never have treated me like that.”
If blood alone made a family, then she had no family.
No one had ever acknowledged her as a daughter or a sister.
Once, she had longed desperately for that.
But after meeting Karhis, everything had changed.
The stubborn attachment she had clung to, the desperate desire for even a drop of affection—it all rotted away.
In truth, she had learned what love was by giving it and receiving it from someone.
And that someone was Karhis.
He was the only one she had ever shared love with.
So what would their reaction be?
Would they beg for forgiveness? Or would they refuse to acknowledge their faults and instead lash out at her?
The duke’s face, once filled with anger, darkened silently.
“…I’ve lost my appetite. I’ll take my leave—continue your meal.”
With cold eyes, he left the dining hall.
The moment he was gone, Ayrn shot to his feet, unable to contain his anger.
“How dare you! What nonsense did you just spout to Father?!”
Ah, as expected—they chose the latter.
She almost wanted to slap herself for having expected even a little.
The one who shouted was her brother, Ayrn.
Dressed in a splendid uniform that marked him as the commander of the imperial knights, he looked every bit the proud noble.
But as her brother, he had always despised her—treating her as less than human.
He was the kind of man who could not tolerate disgrace.
To him, honor was more important than life itself, and the imperial family was absolute.
To someone like him, Psyche was nothing but a stain on that honor.
She had dragged their family’s reputation into the dirt.
A cursed child who had killed their gentle, warm mother.
Because she was born, their peaceful home had been destroyed.
And so, he would call her a wretched insect.
“How dare you speak to Father like that?”
“It’s the truth. Is it wrong to speak the truth? I really don’t understand what I’ve done wrong.”
Psyche smiled mockingly, her eyes deceptively innocent.
Never before had she dared to think such insolent thoughts in front of them.
In the past, she had struggled endlessly just to gain their approval.
Of course, the result had always been cruel.
“Psyche. You are the disgrace of the Benoa family. Even your hair and eyes are cursed. And you lack the power that every Benoa is born with—you’ve brought nothing but shame upon us. Shouldn’t you be punished for that?”
“Punished for something like that… Brother, did I choose to be born without that power? Did I choose this pale hair?”
“That’s proof you’re cursed.”
“Ha.”
There was no reasoning with Ayrn.
He was bound by twisted beliefs and had no intention of listening.
He simply forced her to accept blame, no matter what.
Psyche found it pathetic that she had once wanted to earn the approval of such a foolish man.
Back then, she blamed herself endlessly.
If only I were smarter.
If only I had power.
If only my hair and eyes were more beautiful.
That habit of self-blame had consumed her.
She thought maybe—just maybe—he would praise her if she did.
But he never did.
Instead, he called her gloomy and disgusting.
“I… have never once been cursed. But if I have any sin, it’s that I was born into the Benoa family that despises me.”
“Psyche!”
Ayrn could no longer remain calm.
She wasn’t apologizing like before. She wasn’t shrinking back.
Today, she was different.
He even thought she must have gone mad.
Sitting beside him, Letis grabbed his wrist, trying to stop him.
“Please, continue your meal. I seem to have lost my appetite. Without Father here, I’m sure the rest of you can enjoy a pleasant family dinner. As for the unwanted guest—I’ll take my leave.”
With graceful composure, Psyche stood and left the dining hall.
Her steps felt heavy, like cotton soaked in water.
When she returned to her room, all her strength gave out, and she collapsed onto the bed.
The words she had thrown at them echoed in her mind.
If we were truly family, you would never have treated me like that.
My only sin is being born into a family that despises me.
It had felt good to say them.
But at the same time, her heart felt strangely unsettled.
One part of her burned with a strange exhilaration, flushing her cheeks—
while another part deepened her despair.
Perhaps it was because she had held even the faintest hope.
If she hadn’t expected anything, it wouldn’t hurt this much.
In the end, she could never belong among them.
‘That’s right… they’re not my family.’
Only then could she finally let go of the blood ties she had long clung to.
It was almost a relief to abandon them.
“Ha…”
She had to steel herself.
What mattered now was uncovering the truth behind Karhis’s death.
Anything was possible.
There was even a chance that the Benoa family had conspired with the imperial family to destroy the Ferdian house.
‘If… if the duke and the emperor really joined hands to kill Karhis… I’ll never forgive them.’
Her hands clenched into fists.
Her nails dug into her palms, drawing blood—but she didn’t even notice.
Her face turned pale, her body trembling cold.
She was afraid.
If the man she loved had been killed by the very people she once called family—
The thought alone filled her veins with unbearable self-loathing and dissonance.
If that were true… would he still be able to love her?
No—he would despise her.
Even Karhis would.
‘Would he abandon me in the end?’
Overcome with anxiety, Psyche curled into herself.
Her fingers trembled, her breathing grew ragged, and her sobs turned uneven.
She hated how weak she was.
Self-loathing surged through her, making her gag.
A sickening nausea overtook her entire body.
It was revolting.
“Something like that… must never happen…”
Her pale lashes trembled.
This second chance must not be wasted.
Her will was now built on tears and vengeance.
If—even by the slightest chance—the Benoa family was involved in Karhis’s death—
she would not hesitate to destroy them completely.
“I never had a family to begin with.”
A hollow laugh escaped her lips, and a tear fell from her reddened eyes.
They had never been her family.
They were nothing but the ones who had bound her in cruelty.
“So if they really killed you…”
Do I even have the right to approach you? To love you?
Her thoughts tangled.
She had never imagined a life without him.
All she could think about was revenge—and saving him.
What should I do? I don’t know…
Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t finish her thought.
After revenge, what reason would she have to keep living?
A life without him—
“I’ll save him… no matter what. And I’ll take revenge for him. I’ll think about the rest afterward.”
Even imagining his death again drove her to madness.
She could not let it happen twice.
At that moment, she missed him desperately.
“I miss you… so much it hurts.”
If he were here, he would gently wipe her tears.
Ah… she had fallen completely for him.
Even now, at the end of every thought—there was only him.
“I want to see you…”
That night felt unbearable without him.
This empty room felt suffocating.
She comforted herself with the thought that perhaps they were under the same sky.
She stayed awake for a long time before exhaustion finally took her.
But even then, she fell into a nightmare like death.
Gasping, unable to breathe properly, she retched.
Her body trembled like a fragile sheet of paper in the wind.
She buried herself under the blanket, tears falling endlessly, unable to sleep.
She drifted between sleep and wakefulness until dawn—
until finally, she convulsed.
The dark night was unbearably cruel to Psyche.
