Chapter 15 …

The numbers were frighteningly precise.

The circuit surrounding my heart spun tightly as it worked to recover the depleted mana, and the slightly faster heartbeat was nothing more than a natural side effect.

“If you stay still, it’ll go back to normal.”

“Then it doesn’t hurt?”

“I’m just a little tired.”

The light nosebleed had already stopped by now. I stuffed the handkerchief I’d used to wipe the blood into the hem of my skirt.

“Thanks for the handkerchief, Nishe. I’ll wash it and give it back.”

In Nishe’s blazing vermilion eyes—eyes as rough and fiery as her personality—there lingered an inexplicable dissatisfaction.

“You know… you like meddling in other people’s business, so why do you treat your own body so carelessly?”

…What?

Why are these guys so strangely interested in my physical condition? Am I imagining things?

Or is this some kind of national trait? Are they worried that if I get sick, I won’t be able to act as a lucky totem for the Grand Duke of Winter Castle while he sleeps?

Moments like this were always awkward.

“No, that’s not it. It’s true I’ve pushed myself a little lately, but I’m someone who values taking care of my body the most.”

I added with something like a sigh.

“It’s fine. This much is nothing. I’m an amazing mage, you know.”

“……”

“This used to be normal for me. I’ve just relaxed since coming here. Originally, I was pretty busy with all sorts of things.”

All-night research sessions were common. But given my position, I couldn’t just hide away in a corner and play scholar.

Annual events like balls and hunting competitions, family affairs, matters tied to the imperial family and my engagement, private tea parties, charity events—everything had been my responsibility.

My whole life had been so busy that even forty-eight hours in a day wouldn’t have been enough, so suddenly becoming unemployed made idling around surprisingly difficult.

‘There’s no sense of accomplishment. I’m restless.’

“Why am I doing this? Because I promised to use magic for Belmaire.”

Helping Belmaire meant helping myself.

All of this was simply the process of removing inconveniences and risks in advance so I could live a comfortable and peaceful life.

And to add one more thing—I was meddling because I didn’t like the way these people were living.

That was all. There was no deeper meaning to it.

“Did you live like that in Hilbarsia too?”

At that moment, Zefi suddenly changed the subject.

Curiosity sparkled purely in his green eyes.

“How did you live there?”

“What?”

“Did you really like the Crown Prince? Do you still like him now?”

“…You’re curious about that?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t curious before, but now I am.”

That was something I couldn’t help but find surprising.

I had thought Zefi followed me around simply because of some vague fondness about my “pretty soul color.”

But looking at him now, it seemed that wasn’t the only reason.

‘He’s opened his heart to me too much…’

Ah. That wasn’t a very good sign.

Because I didn’t want to open mine that much.

I didn’t want to become deeply involved in their lives. I didn’t want to understand too much about them either.

So I only grasped things on the surface.

Their pasts, secrets, personal stories—it was better not to know. Even when I occasionally became a little curious, I didn’t ask.

That was the line I had drawn.

And they hadn’t particularly interrogated me about “Irenne Valtres’s past life” either.

At least, not until just now.

“Irenne?”

Zefi urged me for an answer.

Fragments of old childhood memories, the “me” from the original story, emotions from the past that felt both manipulated by the narrative and yet somehow truly mine.

Trying to hide my agitation, I spoke.

“…I just lived.”

“What does ‘just’ mean?”

“It means nothing special. As for the Crown Prince… I don’t like him anymore. If I did, would I have tried to kill him?”

Since I had loved him and felt deeply betrayed, which led to the ‘either you die or I die’ situation, that statement was half true and half false.

“Really?”

“Really.”

After affirming firmly, I turned away, pretending to be busy.

“Well then, I have to go research magic tools.”

“Again? Can’t you do it later? I’m bored.”

“No. See you at dinner, Zefi.”

“Irenne, then I’ll come with—”

“No, I concentrate better when I’m alone.”

I stopped Ellie and slowly backed away. Nishe looked at me with an expression that clearly had a lot she wanted to say.

“You…”

Before she could stop me, I hurried out of the lobby. My pace grew faster and faster, like someone being chased.

Did I make it too obvious that I was flustered? Nishe might not look like it, but she was surprisingly perceptive.

‘…When did the line start getting blurred like this?’

Without realizing it, I had clearly begun to forget the line I had drawn for myself.

Coincidentally, I seemed to hear the voice of someone I both missed and resented.

[From now on, don’t give your heart away so easily.]

‘This time I really won’t, Emma.’

I mean it.

* * *

A desolate scene for something that was supposed to be a garden.

Barren, skeletal trees lined both sides, and instead of flowerbeds, rows upon rows of tombstones filled the ground.

It seemed I had wandered all the way out here while walking absentmindedly.

‘I’ve never seen this place before… Is this a graveyard?’

The white snow covering the tombstones looked like burial shrouds.

A bleak wind stirred my hair. The freezing air swept over my skin as if it might chill me to the bone.

“Ugh.”

Only then did I realize—for the first time since coming here—that I wasn’t using warming magic.

‘I turned it off earlier while installing the magic device.’

Inside the castle grounds it was practically spring thanks to the devices, but this place was so remote that their influence apparently didn’t reach here.

I instinctively started calculating a spell, then stopped.

I could just go back inside.

It was at that moment that I noticed someone standing among the pure white graves, like a figure in a painting.

“Grand… Duke?”

Of all places.

The man dressed entirely in white—from his hair to his clothes—stood motionless before a tombstone with his back to me.

He slowly turned toward me.

And without even being called, he said,

“You ignored my advice completely.”

“…I know my body best.”

I hadn’t forgotten his diagnosis and warning about loss fever.

But my mana circuits were still functioning well enough, and making magic tools wasn’t that big of a strain.

I did it because I could.

That was all.

“Don’t you want to use whatever magic you want whenever you want?”

“I just did.”

“Making the castle warm?”

“Yes. That.”

My reflection appeared in the Grand Duke’s cold, emotionless eyes.

Only after two strong gusts of wind passed and sleet began to fall did he quietly say,

“You need to take care of yourself more than this castle.”

That wasn’t a fitting piece of advice for someone who had just chosen to endure the cold to save mana.

I was taking care of myself just fine.

But I didn’t feel like arguing, so I simply stayed silent.

The Grand Duke spoke again, almost like giving an order.

“So fix that habit.”

It was the second time I had heard those words.

My heart felt strangely itchy, like dust had settled inside it, and my stomach felt uncomfortably heavy.

That must have been why—

why I asked a question I normally wouldn’t have.

“Why do you keep… paying attention to me? Is it because if I die, you might fall asleep again?”

“…No. But let’s say that’s the case.”

Neither affirmation nor denial.

An ambiguous answer.

I regretted asking. It left me feeling uneasy.

Then my tongue moved on its own.

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you, Grand Duke.”

“……”

Perhaps it sounded too insolent or absurd, because the Grand Duke’s gaze wavered slightly as if he were shocked.

I hurriedly corrected myself.

“I mean, I’ll stay healthy and do my job as a totem well so you won’t lose to the demonic energy. Your safety is my concern now too.”

‘If something happens to this man, the world is doomed anyway.’

I wanted to live.

And if possible, I wanted to live well.

Whooo—

The sleet was getting heavier.

Without magic, staying outside in this weather any longer was definitely cold.

I hugged my arms and said,

“Before I go, can I ask you one favor?”

As if telling me to go ahead, he simply tilted his head slightly.

“Please doubt me and stay wary of me. Don’t open your heart easily just because my soul color is pretty. Keep drawing a line.”

“…Irenne Valtres.”

“So that I won’t loosen up too much.”

It was clear I had been getting a little carried away.

Because of the unfamiliar kindness of Winter Castle.

Because of the comfort of knowing I had escaped the future set by the original story.

Without realizing it.

‘I need to get a grip.’

An imperial refugee that Belmaire needed.

That level of position here suited me perfectly.

I wouldn’t expect anything beyond being needed.

Because whenever you expect something, disappointment is inevitable.

“It’s not that difficult, right? After all, you’re not looking at me—you’re looking at someone else through me.”

At this point, it was impossible not to notice.

The way he looked at me as if digging into my existence was exactly like the gaze he had when staring endlessly at the snowy mountains from the castle walls.

Eyes that looked like they were tracing memories.

He was projecting someone from the past onto me.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but it didn’t really matter.

As long as I didn’t give him my heart, there would be nothing for me to get hurt over.

The Grand Duke, frozen like a painting, slowly pronounced the words as if tasting them.

“…That is because you—”

“No, I’m not curious. Don’t tell me.”

I hurriedly cut him off and quickened my steps. The cold wind stung my skin.

“Well then, I’m going inside. Please grant my request!”