~Chapter 82~
Calix had shown signs before that he was hurt because of me. All the countless things he had said to me came back to my mind now.
‘Then I’d have to face it. You, who left me, and then stood by my side as if nothing happened.’
‘So just call it selfishness. Don’t care about how worried I was. Just get angry at me for not protecting you, and hit me. That way, it’s easier for both of us.’
I knew Calix was hurt, but I deliberately ignored it. I didn’t want to face my own cowardice, so I pretended not to know until now.
Then came the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. Tan had stood up, apparently finished with his meal.
Tan spoke.
“Please go upstairs to your room. I’ll bring you your meal.”
“…I don’t have an appetite.”
I muttered weakly.
“My lord told me to make sure you eat well, Lady Rena.”
At those words, I couldn’t help but raise my head. My own voice burst out, more excited than I expected.
“Calix told you to take care of me?”
“Yes. So please go upstairs quietly and wait.”
Then maybe there was still hope. Maybe Calix hadn’t completely left me.
It was laughable. To be this happy just because he told me to eat. Calix had always been desperate to feed me even one more bite.
In the end, I obediently returned to my room as Calix had said and accepted the food Tan brought. Stirring the soup with my spoon, tears threatened to fall again, but I forced them back and took a bite.
‘I need to apologize.’
Where had Calix gone?
This inn was the only one in the whole village. Then where could he be?
The answer came easier than expected. When Tan came to clear the empty dishes, he heard my question and replied.
“He is staying at the innkeeper’s house.”
At least he wasn’t too far away. That was some comfort. But suddenly, I wondered—was Calix just taking childish revenge on me? Trying to make me feel what he felt when I left him?
If so, then he had succeeded. Because here I was, restless and unable to calm down.
I crawled onto the bed and curled up. A bed for one person had never felt so miserable. Before Calix came, I used to sleep just fine alone.
Pulling the blanket over my head, tears came again. I tried to hold them back with little sobs and forced myself to sleep.
Calix. I miss you.
Whispering a wish that could not reach him.
At midnight, Tan was awake, waiting for someone. The wait wasn’t long.
Before long, his master appeared.
Without hesitation, Calix Axel Hertio strode into the inn’s first floor. He glanced at Tan and asked:
“Rena.”
“She’s sleeping.”
Tan answered as if used to his master’s manner.
“Is her condition very bad?”
“She has a fever.”
Tan replied flatly. Calix’s eyes narrowed, then he turned and headed for the stairs. Tan watched his master’s back, then quietly sat down again.
Rena’s fever had started late at night. She had woken complaining of cold, even though Calix had ordered the room to be kept at the highest level of warmth. She also said her throat hurt and asked for water.
Tan brought her warm water as she wanted and studied her closely. The moment he realized her condition wasn’t normal, he informed Calix.
From the beginning, when leaving the capital, her health had not been good. After collapsing from poison and barely waking, her body had grown weak. On top of that, she had been seriously injured, stressed, and crying in despair—it was too much.
Tan narrowed his eyes. He remembered the sight of her crying, asking what would happen if Calix left her.
He had many thoughts, but they weren’t his to dwell on. His job was simply to remain quietly at his post.
Calix opened the door.
“…Rena.”
No answer. He walked softly toward the bed. A small figure was curled under the blankets, red hair sticking out messily over the quilt. Calix looked at it and called again.
“Rena.”
Still no response. He bent over and carefully lifted the blanket.
The face of the person he loved so desperately appeared. Rena, eyes tightly shut, breathed unevenly in her sleep. Heat radiated under the blanket, enough that Calix could feel it.
Sensing the emptiness of her face, Rena slowly opened her eyes. Groggy from sleep and fever, she blinked once.
“Rena.”
Calix called, swallowing a sigh. She blinked again.
“Calix…?”
Though feverish and barely conscious, she sought him instinctively. Like a child waiting for her mother.
Calix was glad—and disgusted with himself for feeling that way. He whispered softly:
“Yeah. It’s me.”
“I’m cold.”
Rena murmured and closed her eyes again. Her hot, ragged breathing filled the room.
Calix looked down at her, then climbed onto the bed. He embraced her small body from behind through the blanket. She was burning. Anyone could see she was feverish. He lowered his head over her.
He should have woken her to give medicine, but his body wouldn’t move. He only wished the moment would last a little longer.
It had been only hours since he had left her so coldly, as if never to return. But when he heard she was sick, his heart sank and he came running back.
How could he desire her so much, yet sometimes hate her unbearably? Where did such feelings come from?
This small body was endlessly precious. Calix pressed his cheek against her figure.
“Rena.”
The moonlight was bright.
Rena opened her eyes at dawn. Calix had been watching her without moving.
Her eyelids lifted slowly, revealing pale green eyes. He etched in his heart the moment her blurred gaze focused on him.
Sleepy eyes softened. Seeing Calix before her, Rena gave a faint smile.
“Calix.”
“…Yeah.”
She closed her eyes again.
“Thank goodness.”
“….”
“I was worried you’d leave me.”
He couldn’t speak. Only after a long time did he manage to answer, his voice choked:
“…There’s no way I could ever leave you.”
“….”
Rena stayed quiet. Was she asleep again?
Her moonlit face looked especially pale. As Calix reached out with concern, she spoke again.
“I know that… but I was still worried.”
“….”
“I’m so scared. That you’ll leave me…”
Her worry was useless. Yet hearing she feared the same thing as he did brought him faint satisfaction. He was a bad man. He always knew that, but sometimes felt sorry for her.
Slowly, Rena reached out. Her small hand touched his cheek—it was burning hot. He worried about her fever, yet he loved the touch so much it almost made him cry.
At moments like this, it felt like she would never leave him. He wanted to cling to her fear, to believe she wouldn’t go.
Calix closed his eyes. Rena’s voice came to his ear.
“I was scared you’d meet the emperor and end up like my parents… like that.”
His eyes shot open. Hearing her true fear, his breath caught. His mind went blank.
He let out a long sigh, his face twisting, fumbling for words.
“Rena, no. That’s not it, I…”
“…Not it?”
“…Yeah. Not it.”
Rena blinked slowly, her eyes hazy.
“How would you know, you fool.”
Calix couldn’t breathe. Pain spread in his chest. That she worried about him like that—it hurt unbearably.
“Rena, no. That won’t happen. Don’t worry, please…”
He laid his hand over hers on his cheek.
“I’m sorry… Don’t worry about that. Okay?”
Rena squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again. Each blink made him ache.
“Rena…”
“…Feels like my eyes will pop out.”
She complained faintly.
“My head hurts so much…”
“What should I do for you?”
“Stay by me.”
“…Alright.”
Tears welled in her eyes. Calix wiped them away with his thumb.
“Don’t cry…”
Why did he always feel like a child again whenever he was before her? Why did he become so helpless and shaken?
Rena closed her eyes. Soon her breathing evened out, showing she was asleep again. He gazed at her silently.
“Good night, Rena.”
Calix gently kissed her closed eyelids.
The imperial palace in the capital was unusually quiet. The emperor was absent.
Even when she was a princess, the current emperor had never left the palace. For her, who seemed destined to work her entire life, to suddenly take a “vacation” was unprecedented.
Though announced as a vacation, the emperor’s departure was treated as top secret. Only the closest attendants, some maids, and a few high-ranking nobles knew of it.
