#89. I Want You All to Myself
For a split second, I lost my balance and fell into the flower bed.
Nikolai, who had tried to catch me, toppled over and landed on top of me.
There wasn’t even time to feel the pain.
Everything unfolded like a slow-motion video.
No — it felt like I was watching an overly cliché scene from a movie.
In my previous life, I probably would’ve scoffed and changed the channel.
“They’re still using this kind of cliché?”
But now that I was experiencing it firsthand, I could finally understand why clichés were loved for so long.
“Ugh.”
He let out a short groan, pressed against me.
His scent layered over the fragrance of flowers — intense yet comforting, clean yet undeniably masculine.
I tried desperately to hold on to my sanity, but my reason was fading fast.
It always did whenever Nikolai drew close.
But today felt even more dangerous — our bodies were pressed together with no space between us.
His solid weight crushed against my chest and stomach, our legs tangled.
The worst part? I didn’t hate it. And that made me lose my mind even more.
I was supposed to awaken the beast inside Nikolai… but at this rate, I’ll turn into a beast first!
His breath came out rough, scattering against my skin.
The tremor that began at my ear and earlobe refused to subside.
It traveled through my body, keeping time with my racing heartbeat.
Nikolai showed no sign of getting up.
His turquoise eyes gazed down at me, and the reflection in them — my own tense expression — made me freeze.
Those long lashes, the high bridge of his nose, the vividly red lips — they were all directed at me alone.
“Please get off.”
I swallowed dryly, my throat tight, and looked up.
“Finally, you’re looking straight at me.”
“I never looked away.”
“It seemed like you were seeing something else in me.”
His words struck home; I bit my lip.
I couldn’t tell if he was teasing or coaxing me — his deep voice brushed against my eardrums.
“Is it because of Laila?”
Don’t ask that.
It’ll only make me feel pathetic.
“Could it be… you’re jealous of her?”
If he hadn’t asked it so hesitantly, I might’ve shoved him away.
Maybe even kicked him.
Nikolai’s brow furrowed, his face full of uncertain suspicion.
My cheeks, red as ripe apples, burned as I raised my voice.
“Who, me? The great Elizabeth, jealous of someone? Don’t be ridiculous!”
Embarrassment, irritation, and bewilderment all burst out at once.
They say strong denial is just another form of admission.
If there were a mouse hole nearby, I’d have crawled in and hidden.
Unaware of my turmoil, Nikolai murmured softly.
“I’d like it if you were jealous — the way I’m jealous of every man near you.”
His voice carried a trace of self-contempt.
“Jealous? You? Of who?”
I asked as if he were joking.
But his eyes sharpened instead of dodging.
After a pause, he spat out the words as though they burned his tongue.
“Douglas. Owen. Arkansas. Sometimes even Franz.”
“…!”
“I’ve even found myself jealous of your maid, your blanket, the vase in your room.”
Nikolai shut his eyes tightly, as if swallowing unbearable shame.
I was too busy trying to calm my pounding heart.
If I relaxed even a little, my lips would’ve curved into a foolish grin.
He’s completely fallen for me.
A childish sense of triumph and giddy intoxication filled my chest.
Just moments ago, I’d been depressed, thinking I was nothing more than a stand-in for his first love.
Loving someone was such a complicated, exhausting thing.
One word from him could send me from heaven to hell and back again — that’s how I knew how much I truly loved him.
Nikolai loves me too… but his kind of love and mine aren’t quite the same, are they?
To him, I was…
An intriguing contract partner.
A heroine on a stage.
A useful pawn he couldn’t afford to lose.
What else could I be?
Our feelings deepened helplessly, even though we were neither lovers nor spouses.
Nikolai was still beautiful, the moonlight tender, the flower’s scent dizzying.
And in that moment, I erased the shadow of Laila that lingered behind him.
Maybe it was the lingering alcohol.
Maybe it was the intoxicating perfume of the flowers.
An impulsive heat surged inside me.
The full moon hid behind a cloud — and I stole his lips.
Just like the day we first met.
I want to have you. To keep you all to myself. So that no one else can take you away.
An overwhelming, possessive desire seized me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down desperately.
As if he’d been waiting, he pushed into me, scattering sweet breaths softer than petals.
Behind my tightly shut eyelids, starlight flickered.
It was enough to erase my fear and loneliness.
I want you to be mine. Even if you become a beast — if it’s you, Nikolai, I don’t care.
The sound of our damp skin meeting was intoxicating.
Nikolai’s fingers trailed carefully along my shoulder blades, never breaking the seal of our lips.
I twisted slightly, but his relentless touch followed — and truthfully, I didn’t want to escape.
Because I wanted him too.
Our breaths, entwined as one, burned hotter.
His hands, warm with his body heat, moved down my back without hesitation.
“Ah…”
A muffled moan slipped between my clenched teeth.
He must’ve felt it too — my body’s honest reaction, impossible to hide beneath a single layer of fabric.
“Elizabeth…”
His voice trembled, full of longing.
Even as he hovered over me, he was shaking.
“I want to have you.”
The last shard of reason shattered.
And maybe that was a blessing.
If I can have you tonight — if we desire each other with the same heart — even if our souls shatter, I won’t regret it.
I couldn’t bear to look at him. I only managed a faint nod.
With my permission, he moved — like a starving beast — his lips tracing my jawline, collarbone, and shoulder.
How could something so soft unleash such wild electricity?
He was impatient, and so was I.
I wanted to swallow him whole, to possess him completely, to make him mine.
“…Then I’ll have Your Majesty too.”
The wind swirled, carrying the fragrance of flowers.
The clouds parted — and the full moon shone again.
That was when his muscular body suddenly went rigid, and his eyes glimmered strangely.
His red lips parted.
“If that’s your wish… I’ll have to grant it, won’t I?”
His voice — proud, sly, laced with hidden malice — slipped into me.
Every instinct in my body blared a scarlet warning.
Even though he wore Nikolai’s face and body, I knew instantly.
This isn’t Nikolai.
I stared up at him wide-eyed.
Nikolai — no, the beast — smiled, showing sharp white teeth.
Arkansas’s warning flashed through my mind.
“When it’s starving, that’s when it will reveal itself.
When the time comes, use the Eyes of Morasincia.”
Why now?
If this really was the beast, what kind of hunger had driven it to surface at this moment?
“It feeds on that scent.
Watching over the Death Flower and restraining it — that’s the Emperor’s duty.”
I remembered the day Nikolai had spoken of it, his face filled with fear.
Had it starved because it hadn’t smelled the Death Flower in so long?
With trembling hands, I groped for my leather bag.
But he — no, it — was faster.
“I’m disappointed, Elizabeth. Trying to test me with something like this?”
A low, chilling laugh spilled from its throat.
In its hand gleamed the copper monocle.
When Cares came to the Crown Prince’s palace, Franz wasn’t surprised.
He’d been expecting him.
“It’s been a while, Cares.”
Franz closed the book he’d been reading and smiled faintly.
Cares’s eyes flicked to the title — Miracle of the Exorcist and the Goddess, written by the Archbishop of the Morasincia Order.
“I thought you disliked theology.”
“I can’t just ignore the faith my people live by.”
“A wise sentiment.”
“This book is closer to a historical record — it describes how the late emperor overcame the Death Flower.”
Cares didn’t react.
Franz tapped the armrest of his chair lightly before asking,
“So, what brings the busy Minister of the Interior here?”
“Why do you think I came, Your Highness?”
“How should I know what’s in your mind, Cares? I’m just a ten-year-old boy.”
Franz gave a boyish, innocent laugh — but his green eyes soon sharpened.
“Are you here to scold me for going out?”
Something flickered in Cares’s gaze.
“I didn’t expect you to admit it so easily.”
“No one in this palace can deceive you, Cares.”
“I appreciate the compliment.”
“Sorry, but I’ll pass on your lecture. There was nothing worth worrying about, so don’t concern yourself.”
“The outside world is dangerous.”
“You’re not seriously going to claim the palace is safe, are you?”
Franz frowned — it wasn’t a joking tone.
“You know as well as I do — there’s no safe place for a powerless crown prince.”
“Is that why you seek power?”
Cares’s voice was calm, but the words cut deep.
Franz felt a cold wind slip through his chest.
It was hard to accept that his loyal minister might betray him.
His pale nails dug into his palms.
“If you act rashly, you’ll suffer for it — especially without His Majesty’s protection.”
“Isn’t that better than sitting still and getting stabbed in the back?”
“You’re reckless. Careless.”
“You’re the one being reckless, Cares.”
His brow twitched slightly.
“Whatever you’re plotting — stop it.”
“And why should I?”
“Because while His Majesty and Lady Elizabeth are gone, it’s my duty to protect you.”
Franz’s face twisted violently.
He remembered the bloodied assassins, the fallen Shade, and the shame that followed.
“Don’t you think you’re being a bit shameless, Cares?”
Swallowing down his icy anger, Franz glared at him.
Without a change of expression, Cares extended his hand.
“Hand over the imperial seal, Your Highness.”
“…!”
“I’ll be keeping it for safekeeping — starting now.”
I stumbled through the gaps between rocks.
Behind me, a voice both familiar and foreign echoed.
“Where are you going? Didn’t you say you wanted me too?”
Nikolai wouldn’t talk like that.
He never called me “you” so casually.
Unease, anger, and fear tangled together inside me.
The beast Nikolai failed to control — it was following me.
“Don’t take it the wrong way. I’m just… hungry.”
It grabbed my shoulder.
I slapped its hand away and snapped coldly,
“Let go. I have nothing to say to you.”
“Whoa, calm down. It’s just been a long time since I’ve eaten.”
It raised both hands and took a step back.
“Drop the act and return what’s mine.”
If possible — Nikolai himself too.
Its eyes narrowed.
“You’re planning to spy on me with the Goddess’s Eye, aren’t you? I’m a private creature, you know.”
“So there is something you don’t want me to see?”
“You’re not exactly pure yourself, are you, Elizabeth?”
It drawled lazily, almost in concern.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
