#77. You Think I Used You?
A chill ran down my spine.
I tried to calm myself, telling my heart there was no reason to misunderstand on purpose.
But questions wouldn’t stop multiplying in my head.
“It seems the goddess has chosen you.”
That was how Nikolai’s confession had begun.
He’d started following me after learning from Arkansas that I possessed a divine relic.
Then that hateful inner voice whispered again—
You’re being deceived. What if he’s been using you from the start? What if that’s what Nikolai truly feels? What if his eyes, his voice, his lips, and even his breath—were all part of a perfectly crafted play?
My mouth went dry.
I didn’t want to be trapped in such strange delusions.
But once suspicion begins, it never dies easily.
He heard what the Cardinal of Arkansas said and decided you were valuable. He said he wanted to own you—the last hope. Think about it. Why else would the Emperor personally come to get you? Just like the first time, when he kidnapped you from the palace—he came only because he was afraid you’d run away again.
I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away.
I looked at Nikolai—
the man whose beauty had always made my heart race.
The Emperor, who could change his face as easily as putting on a different mask.
The man who carried the life and death of an empire on his shoulders.
“Your Majesty… why did you follow me?”
“Do you really need to ask?”
“It’s an important time for reform centered around Lady Claudia. Is it all right for you to be here with me like this?”
I thought it was to draw attention to Claudia.
If the Emperor stayed away from the palace too long, new rumors would spread.
For the reforms to succeed, everyone needed to see that Claudia had Nikolai’s full support.
He couldn’t possibly be unaware of that.
Then why was he here—with me?
Because I asked him to come? There’s nothing to gain by staying beside a fugitive like me.
Once I thought there was another reason, everything began to look calculated.
Even though I knew thinking like that would only hurt me.
“What if it isn’t all right? Are you telling me to go back?”
Nikolai asked with a faint, crooked smile.
“The Minister of the Interior must have opposed this.”
“Kares doesn’t know. He’ll probably realize I’m gone by now.”
“You hid it even from Lord Kares?”
After a long breath, Nikolai replied—
“I didn’t want to tell anyone.”
“He’s your closest aide. There must be a reason you had to hide it even from him…”
I wanted him to say something.
But Nikolai only furrowed his brows as if to say he didn’t want to continue.
A dry, cracking sound echoed from my heart—
as if it might shatter any moment.
Yet my lips moved of their own accord.
“You knew what would happen if you rode into the Sanctuary. You must have guessed how the Holy Knights would react.”
“What are you implying?”
Suspicion.
Or perhaps, truth.
I still wanted to believe him.
I wanted to be wrong.
So I asked, sharper than I intended.
“Did you stir up that commotion on purpose? So I’d turn against the temple and have no one to rely on but you?”
“How could you even think such a thing?”
Nikolai glared at me.
I knew it was unfair.
Sometimes, when I was hurt, I’d lash out just to hide the wound—
pretending to be angry, throwing out sharp, biting words.
Because somehow, it hurt less that way.
Just like now.
“Because I can’t understand you, Your Majesty.”
“Are you doubting me?”
He brushed his black hair back roughly.
“If I were being rational—yes.”
“What do you mean?”
“Because of the Deathblossom. You need the relic of Morasinthia too, don’t you?”
The light faded from his turquoise eyes.
His sensual lips parted slightly, and a cold voice slipped through.
“So you think I followed you only for a relic…”
A man wounded in his pride.
His eyes flared upward.
“Are you saying I used you?”
Our gazes collided, and blue sparks crackled between us.
Silence slashed through the air.
Then, the locked door burst open.
“The Council of Elders has made their decision. If you wish to atone for violating the Sanctuary, each of you must donate one million gold.”
A Holy Knight said with a vile smirk.
He had confiscated my luggage—inside of which was the divine relic.
Even knowing that, would he have dared to ask for a mere million gold coins?
“You think trampling the Sanctuary with your horses can be forgiven for just a million gold?”
I sneered coldly.
“What did you say?”
“I’ll donate ten million gold to beg the Goddess’s forgiveness—and hold a service as well.”
“…Are you serious?”
I wanted to use demonic power—badly—but I couldn’t.
Not beside Nikolai.
When I named a sum enough to buy a grand estate, the knight’s eyes nearly popped out.
“In exchange, I’d like the High Priest to deliver the benediction himself. Would that be possible?”
“Th-that… well…”
“Oh, right. He doesn’t meet with heretics, does he? Then I suppose I’ll give up.”
I turned my head away as if disappointed.
The knight, desperate not to lose the chance, quickly said—
“The Goddess awaits lost lambs like yourself! The High Priest will surely grant an audience!”
His tone had changed entirely.
He was so flustered he didn’t even notice that the rope binding Nikolai and me had been cut.
“Then return my belongings first. And make sure no one touches them.”
*
Leaving the Imperial Palace was easy.
The plan was to slip into the Nettleton estate unnoticed.
“My brother is under house arrest. Security’s tight. What should we do, Your Highness?”
Susan asked.
Franz, hiding his gleaming blond hair under a worn hunting cap, gave a faint smile.
“First of all, stop calling me ‘Your Highness.’ It stands out too much.”
“Then… I’ll call you ‘young master,’ like when we met Boritz?”
“You panic and call me ‘Your Highness’ anyway. Just call me Franz.”
“What?”
“What’s so shocking about using someone’s name?”
Susan paled, flustered, waving her hands.
“I-I could never address Your Highness by name!”
“Elisabeth talks to me casually.”
“She’s Your Highness’s mentor! I’m nothing compared to—”
Susan mumbled excuses under her breath.
Franz’s light green eyes dimmed briefly, but he only sighed.
“If they discover who I am, I’ll be dragged back to the palace—and locked up again. I’m sick of being trapped in that room.”
“Your H—Franz…”
He corrected her gently.
“Franz,” she repeated, voice trembling.
Just saying his name made it feel strangely intimate—
her heart thudding wildly.
Our family was never even treated as nobles… and now I’m an imperial pharmacist, close to His Highness himself. It’s all thanks to Sister Elisabeth. I have to help her quickly.
Susan clenched her small fists.
Franz signaled to the soldiers.
“Now, call that person, Susan.”
“What are you planning to do?”
“Elisabeth taught me—sometimes it’s safer to show yourself than to hide.”
Susan didn’t understand what he meant.
When Franz pulled a bloodstained robe from his bag, her face went pale.
“Don’t worry—it’s just paint.”
“Why bring something like that?”
“I need to look like a bleeding patient.”
“So I’m supposed to pretend to treat you?”
“As expected, you’re sharp, Susan.”
He gave a thumbs-up in approval.
Blushing, Susan took a deep breath and shouted—
“Someone’s collapsed here! Help!”
Two soldiers guarding the Nettleton estate rushed over.
Franz, draped in the red-stained robe, collapsed dramatically.
“What happened?!”
The soldiers panicked, trying to assess the situation.
Supporting Franz, Susan said firmly—
“What are you waiting for? Bring him inside the estate. I’ll take care of him.”
*
Nikolai didn’t say a word the entire time.
He just stared straight ahead, his face like a painted mask.
Our steps toward the chapel felt heavy.
My mind was a tangled skein—Deathblossoms, the Emperor’s duty, the stench, the fragrance, the white light…
But what confused me most—was Nikolai himself.
“Welcome, honored guests of the Goddess of Healing.”
The High Priest waiting inside the chapel smiled warmly at Nikolai.
He was an old man, maybe in his sixties, thin and bearded like a goat.
His spotless priest’s robes and pure white hat made him look too saintly to be a man who traded faith for gold.
“I heard you wish to receive a benediction?”
“There are some things I wish to ask, High Priest.”
“Is that why you came all this way?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s speak somewhere private. This way, please.”
Ah, so much for locking us in a stable before.
Money really does talk.
In a modestly decorated parlor, the High Priest spoke first.
“What do you wish to know, Sister?”
I sipped the tea the young acolyte had brought before asking—
“Do you know anything about the relic of Morasinthia?”
“When one grows older, one ceases to be swayed by legends of holy relics.”
“You think it’s just a legend?”
“How could the Goddess’s power be contained in a mere object of the mortal world? I understand the desire for miracles, but I must warn you not to be deceived. However…”
He trailed off, leaving the words hanging suggestively.
Smiling gently, he watched my reaction.
“When you guard an ancient temple long enough, you hear many things. Sometimes you even learn special secrets. Not things to be shared with just anyone.”
The word secret made me bite my lip.
Nikolai remained expressionless.
If it were just the two of us alone, I might not have been able to stand the silence.
When I didn’t show much interest, the High Priest dangled his bait.
“Perhaps this secret relates to the relic you seek.”
His roundabout tone irritated me.
He obviously wanted something.
“So—do you know, or not?”
I asked bluntly.
The High Priest frowned, feigning trouble.
“That depends on you. I merely follow the will of the Goddess.”
“Then tell me everything you know. I’ll donate however much you wish.”
“For someone not officially initiated, your faith seems very deep.”
“Does your Goddess measure faith in gold, then?”
I shot back, voice sharp as a blade.
The sly old fox didn’t flinch.
“Faith cannot be seen. But to spread the Goddess’s will, we cannot entirely reject gold.”
“Of course not.”
“So, how much would you like to offer? The deeper your faith, the deeper the words I may share with you.”
For the first time, his eyes gleamed.
So this man, too, preached, baptized, and took offerings?
I’d thought greedy nobles were the worst—
but the rotten clergy were just as disgusting.
Still, I needed him.
“Will fifty million gold satisfy you?”
The smile that bloomed on his face was unmistakable—
but before he could answer, a sudden commotion erupted outside.
Someone had arrived—
someone no one had expected.
