#64. I Will Confess Everything
“This is your last request? If you say that, I’m going back.”
A wounded voice answered.
There was the sound of rustling.
Fearing Nisa would really leave, she spoke urgently.
“I was abandoned by His Majesty. There’s nothing to be gained by staying by his side.”
“I will stay by Lady Elizabeth’s side until the end.”
“Don’t be stubborn, Nisa.”
“I didn’t choose my mistress because she’s favored by His Majesty. I chose the person named Elizabeth.”
“Nisa…”
“I will never change masters again. So whatever you say is pointless.”
At first she thought Nisa was playing a gamble.
But Nisa had chosen someone to spend her future with.
She recognized who I am, and she chose me.
Guilt about deceiving that Nisa burrowed deep into my chest.
‘I will repay what’s in your heart. Please forgive this moment…’
After swallowing the thought, she lowered her voice.
“I’m not even His Majesty’s wife.”
“…….”
“I’m tired of him too.”
Was she truly tired?
Even though the words were calculated, it felt like a boot crushing her heart.
It always hurt that she couldn’t be his only woman.
No matter how intimate our time together, no matter how sweet his gaze.
“Lady Elizabeth, are you tired too?”
“Everything is because of him. While they point at me and call me the villain, what was he doing?”
“…….”
“You didn’t meet with me either. You watched from the side, didn’t you?”
“I was resentful too, but…”
Nisa closed her mouth, unable to continue.
“I just want to be free. I want to get back the person I used to be.”
“You want to go back to when you were called queen of the social scene? Didn’t you give all that up?”
“It’s better than being locked in the palace. I don’t want to suffer for a man who doesn’t protect me.”
“Lady Elizabeth…”
“I tried living quietly and it made me nostalgic. I miss the liquor, parties, handsome men — everything!”
She was nervous that the awkward acting would be seen through.
She had been a homebody her whole life; why would she miss parties?
The Camellia party she’d been to once — and only once — had been pure stress.
After a short silence, Nisa asked.
“What can I do for you?”
“Nothing that will ever become dangerous. What I want you to do is…”
“Your Majesty. How long will you keep Lady Elizabeth confined?”
Karess asked sharply.
Nikolai, who had been focused on a pile of documents, lifted his eyes.
“Even if it’s just the two of you, isn’t this a bit much? Are you confronting the Emperor now?”
“I’m asking politely.”
“Your expression is overly challenging. Your tone is sharp. Someone might think you’re Elizabeth’s brother.”
“A brother? That’s absurd.”
Karess snapped his head around.
Nikolai rubbed his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he saw.
It was the first time Karess had flushed crimson.
“What’s with that shy look? It’s nauseating.”
“Lady Elizabeth and I aren’t blood-related and we don’t have any particular ties. Still, isn’t worrying allowed?”
Karess cleared his throat and bristled.
“It’s strange that you would worry about someone.”
“I’m human too.”
“Yes. More like a working machine.”
“I’ve never felt affection for Lady Elizabeth nor wished to be her brother. Nor have I ever wanted to take care of her like a brother.”
“You said it once and now why the long speech? That’s suspicious.”
Karess’s ear still burned.
Nikolai frowned.
No one doubted Karess’s competence.
It was his excessively businesslike, cold personality that made it hard for him to earn people’s trust.
The only person Karess took an interest in outside work was Elizabeth.
‘At first he treated her like anyone else. At some point he changed. Is it Elizabeth’s charm? It’s even doubtful that it worked on Karess.’
Aware of Nikolai’s gaze, Karess shifted the topic.
“Your Majesty, you’re the suspicious one. How long will you treat Lady Elizabeth like a prisoner?”
“Don’t you know? I cannot afford to lose her.”
“There are rampant rumors that Your Majesty has abandoned Lady Elizabeth.”
“Since when did you start listening to baseless rumors?”
“Rumors become public opinion. Public opinion often wears the mask of truth—especially for something as private as the Emperor’s personal life.”
Nikolai was not ignorant.
Although he pretended not to care, he had been receiving every rumor about Elizabeth without fail.
“What if Elizabeth gets tired of His Majesty?”
“Tired?”
“How long would a woman endure? For a man who won’t defend her or protect her?”
“…….”
“Especially a woman as special as Lady Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth had been a woman who commanded the attention of many men.
People who longed for her love surrounded her.
Just thinking of them swarming around like bees made Nikolai’s mouth tighten.
‘She must’ve been as lovely back then as she is now. With crimson hair flowing and a smile, any man would be mesmerized.’
Veins on the back of his hand bulged.
It was in the past, but he wanted to find and eliminate all those who once looked at Elizabeth with greedy eyes.
Even calming that rising murderous intent was hard.
How selfish of him.
Nikolai had given up nothing.
So he restrained Elizabeth.
He couldn’t even tell her the reasons.
Driven by the primitive desire not to lose her, he had selfishly controlled her life.
His father’s dying admonition—never to love—flashed across his mind again.
“There’s even public opinion calling for Elizabeth’s execution.”
“Because of me as well?”
“Silence from Your Majesty invites speculation.”
“I cannot reveal anything about the Netherflower.”
“You cannot hide it forever.”
“…….”
“Didn’t Cardinal Acanso say she might possess a sacred relic of Morasincia?”
“……Did I tell you that?”
Nikolai’s brow twitched.
Karess fell silent.
Nikolai had met privately with Acanso.
Normally he would have Karess with him, but Acanso had asked to see him alone.
Was it anxiety, suspicion, or fear?
He found it hard to pinpoint the sensation clenching the back of his neck.
“Karess. Answer me.”
Karess had been the one person Nikolai trusted and relied on since his days as Crown Prince.
A friend who shared trust and a colleague who handled harsh tasks together.
In the palace full of politics and intrigue, he was a minister who freely gave bitter counsel and a brother whose back Nikolai could fully entrust.
‘If Karess betrayed me…’
Nikolai shut his eyes tight.
Just imagining it felt like his insides were being torn.
The longer Karess’s silence lasted, the harsher the suppositions that stabbed at Nikolai.
“Why the stern face? I just heard you mumbling in your sleep.”
“……I mumbled in my sleep?”
“I wanted to say it for some time. Don’t doze off in your office.”
“Did I fall asleep?”
“What if someone else had heard you besides me?”
Karess nagged like a strict tutor.
Was it really sleep-talking?
Or a poor excuse?
Once the spark of suspicion ignited, it didn’t die easily.
He realized how weak a person he was.
No matter what Karess said, he wanted to believe him.
He didn’t want to lose him.
Without him, he would be too lonely.
Reason scolded Nikolai coldly.
‘Karess knows all confidences. If the Warden’s tentacles reached Karess, the empire would be in danger. Start an investigation, Nikolai.’
He didn’t want to suspect Karess.
Karess was that kind of person to Nikolai.
Elizabeth was the same.
Both were people he had to keep by his side no matter the risk.
After long deliberation, he made a decision.
“We must confirm whether Elizabeth actually possesses the relic. Also why Acanso tried to convey the oracle to her.”
“Do you think Lady Elizabeth will answer willingly? There must be reasons she’s hidden this until now.”
“There are things I have not told. Reasons I had to hide.”
“Do you plan to confess everything?”
“Yes.”
‘I will confess everything. The Netherflower, the wolf, the missions I carried out, my father’s dying command. Above all, I want to confess that I want Elizabeth.’
He had no clue where to even begin.
He only hoped it wasn’t too late.
First, he needed to make clear that he wasn’t a real playboy.
There were countless empresses but he had never embraced any of them even once.
Should he even reveal he had no experience with women?
The thought of being a virgin at twenty-eight made his temples ache.
He felt like a novice.
All the more so with Elizabeth once called the queen bee of the social scene.
Could he hide the fact he had no experience with women?
Maybe human nature would handle some technical issues on its own?
‘Pathetic. The moment I decide to confess and I’m already fabricating lies.’
She was the first woman he had ever wanted to possess.
He wouldn’t begrudge giving up his life for her.
He had barely restrained the urge to throw everything away.
She was the only woman he wanted to keep by his side forever and protect for eternity.
Each time desire for Elizabeth flared like wildfire, he gnawed his teeth.
He cut off that spreading hunger.
He repeated to himself that he had no right to have her, that he must endure for her sake.
‘When Elizabeth said she was leaving, everything became clear. No matter what, I cannot let her go.’
How could he keep her?
What worried her most?
There was no time to hesitate.
“I will reveal everything and propose to her.”
Nikolai declared.
Karess’s eyes widened.
“Propose? You don’t mean—!”
“I will make Elizabeth Emster the Empress of the Hartmann Empire.”
