#31. The Man Who Teases Me When Bored
I stepped out of the farm, seeing Boritz off timidly behind the door.
Leaving the carriage waiting, I wandered briefly around the lake.
So much had happened in a single day.
The sense of accomplishment lasted only a moment.
My limbs felt heavy, as if tied to sandbags, and my eyes were hot with fatigue.
What tormented me more than this deep exhaustion wasn’t the reality that refused me rest—it was the relentless loneliness.
Where should I go? I don’t want to be alone in a dark room.
The palace was not my home.
Even if I returned to the Amster mansion, I would still be alone.
I was wealthier and more beautiful than in my previous life, but my lonely existence remained unchanged.
I had no affectionate younger sister like Susan, no dependable older brother like Douglas.
On days like this, even mischievous troublemakers like Franz or Borman might have seemed endearing.
No matter how much I pretended to be fine, to act brave, a sudden wave of piercing loneliness would still hit me.
Why was I so weak?
How long must I live like this?
What was the point of continuing a life that had already ended once?
Perhaps it was the loneliness gnawing from within, but a distant, echoing voice reached me.
“Elisabeth.”
A deep yet clear voice, resonant and mellow.
The more I thought about it, the more irritating it became—but I couldn’t stop wanting to hear it, carried by the wind.
I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh at myself, thinking: Have I still not gotten over it, even after all this?
“Why? Nikolai.”
I replied curtly.
It was a delusion, a self-talk—I might as well speak informally.
Nikolai was probably spending sweet time with the new empress.
Yet here I was, foolishly summoning nothing but his hallucination.
“Elisabeth? Was there such a woman? You won’t see her again, so tell her to leave the room. Find a new tutor worthy of the royal standard.”
Kares may have already been given such orders.
But why did I…
Why did this petty loneliness, this stupid longing, have to matter so much?
“Not even calling me ‘Your Majesty’?”
“Yes! What?! It’s bad enough I’m hearing hallucinations, must I also speak politely?”
“Hallucinations?”
“Yes, you. I’m hearing the hallucination of Nikolai—a man who is duplicitous, capricious, and born with a talent for toying with people.”
“Am I really that bad?”
“It’s me who’s truly awful, longing for a man like that.”
Speaking the words only made my heart noisier.
Voicing what my heart had been denying was both bitter and hollow.
I hadn’t realized how deeply my feelings for Nikolai had grown.
I had only wanted to ignore them.
But in reality, in dreams, even in delusions, I could not escape Nikolai.
Seeing a vision of him bathed in moonlight only deepened my self-reproach.
“Do you mean… you missed me…?”
A voice full of disbelief, yet faintly hopeful, became clear.
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.
The moonlight revealed Nikolai’s figure more distinctly.
His glossy black hair was messy, and bluish veins stood out beneath his eyes.
Why had he lost so much weight?
His sharp jawline now carved a dangerous angle.
Only his eyes, beneath the shadowed brow, remained the same—those green blades that gripped my soul and pierced even the deepest corners of my hidden heart.
What is this? Not a hallucination, not a vision?!
The air around me froze instantly.
It always happened when Nikolai approached.
“Y-Your Majesty…?”
This was no vision.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
How was Nikolai here?
Had he come to fetch me?
My blood, which had stiffened, now pumped wildly.
My heart betrayed me.
I had repeated endlessly that I didn’t need Nikolai—that he was nothing but a worn-out playboy.
I had converted the unexplainable sense of betrayal and frustration I felt daily into scorn and hatred.
And yet, this man—simply standing quietly before me—rendered me powerless.
He ignited a spark deep within me once more.
As if I were a woman unlike any other, incomparable to anyone else.
“Busy ruling the country, busy being empress, and yet you find time to visit me?”
I replied with a sharp, sarcastic tone.
Did I really have to resist so awkwardly?
Couldn’t I respond calmly, like an ordinary person?
Cold sweat gathered in my palms.
Even if I inherited all the traits of a femme fatale, my core was still that of someone who had never been in a relationship.
I had learned about love only through romance novels.
Thus, everything surrounding Nikolai overwhelmed me.
Even a single word, a gesture, or a glance defied my control.
My clumsy flustered state must have looked ridiculous.
Especially after I had confessed that I missed him.
“Even if busy, I had no choice. Because of someone who breaks contracts at every chance.”
“You’re stealing my lines.”
“I am not someone who breaks promises. I am different from you.”
“Why take a joke so seriously?”
“What part of it is a joke?”
Nikolai’s lips were tightly pressed.
It looked as if he was swallowing something he wanted to say.
Was he frustrated? About what, exactly?
My emotions flared again.
I barely noticed anything else.
“You left so abruptly, and yet a week later, you appeared with a new woman.”
“……”
“How can someone who breaks contracts even talk about promises?”
“Listen, I—”
“Say nothing.”
I wanted to stop wavering.
I wanted to end the cycle of self-delusion and disappointment.
The heat that rose and cooled in my chest felt unfamiliar.
I could barely tolerate him ignoring me, rejecting me.
And yet, I hated the foolish part of me that still wanted to believe in Nikolai despite his harsh rejection.
“I don’t want to hear any excuses, nor am I curious.”
“Not even a chance to explain?”
“Did you give me a chance to protest?”
I answered coldly.
A deep crease etched into Nikolai’s brow, as if impossible to erase.
“To Your Majesty, I must seem an easy woman. Kissing you the moment we met, crying and drunkenly fussing. And not only that—we even signed that silly contract.”
“That’s an exaggeration.”
“Yet we thought we had a contract. But you seemed to treat it as a game.”
“That never happened.”
“Then why do you appear only when bored, just to tease me?”
A bitter sadness spread across Nikolai’s beautiful face.
Like a tree enduring a storm, he stood tall, yet his tightly clenched fists trembled like leaves in the wind.
“You, yourself, visited an ex-fiancée’s home, and another ex-boyfriend’s villa, didn’t you?”
“Ex-boyfriend? You mean that farmer?”
“You almost lived like sisters with Douglas’ sister, right?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything matters. Who you meet, who you speak to, who you smile at.”
Nikolai’s voice flared like never before.
Green flames ignited in his eyes.
A fire that could burn down this whole area seemed to sear my very heart.
“Did you think it was easy to come here? After making a fool of yourself, ignoring your father’s dying wish?”
Father’s dying wish? What is he talking about?
I brushed my damp hair back with cold hands.
Nikolai spoke without taking a breath.
“Who had to be mocked by lowlifes, having their insides twisted?”
“!”
“Do you really intend to make me a tyrant? To set the slums ablaze?”
His words were incomprehensible.
Even he didn’t seem to fully understand them himself.
The skin around his eyes reddened.
Veins bulged on his neck.
I must be insane.
Seeing him like this… he looked unbearably seductive.
So you were secretly watching me? Not throwing a raucous party in the harem?
“You were following me?”
“I was protecting you. Secretly.”
“I never asked for that.”
“I don’t act unless requested.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t know. But I won’t stop. Protecting you is also my duty.”
Was it a promise, a confession, or a threat?
He seemed furious, yet somehow pitiful, like a frightened child.
I reached out to him.
My hands cupped his cold cheeks, feeling the tension beneath his skin.
His gaze softened for a moment like a sulking cat, then flashed like an enraged beast—did that make me strange?
“Elisabeth. Do you hate that I act like this?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you do, I will disappear. Right before you.”
His eyes were more sincere than ever.
He cornered me, forcing me to choose.
His stubbornness angered me—and yet, as I lost a handful of my heart to him, I felt foolish.
A sudden shiver ran down my back.
I sensed a sudden change in the atmosphere.
I had seen this before. Yes. The library!
“Enough of this.”
“You mean you refuse?”
With those words, Nikolai toppled backward.
Splash!
I didn’t even have time to scream.
I couldn’t tell if it was intentional or accidental.
The lake, darker than the night sky, swallowed him whole.
Completely submerged, he didn’t resurface.
“Your Majesty?! That’s too much! Get out here!”
Only concentric ripples appeared on the water, no response.
Why was this man acting so strangely?
Why this madness?
There was no time to waste.
I tore through my cumbersome skirt and plunged into the lake.
To save the tyrant who was clearly as insane as I was.
When Claudia met Douglas in the slums, she couldn’t easily strike up a conversation.
Even when she arrived at the Nettleton Marquisate at his invitation, it was the same.
Instead of meaningless pleasantries, Douglas poured her the cheap rum she liked.
Douglas has changed somehow. His shoulders are broader, his gaze more resolute.
Not the perception of a highly skilled warrior, but of a woman who had watched a man for a long time.
Douglas’ comforting presence remained unchanged.
His slender, tall frame and sweet, pinkish hair were still the same.
A childhood friend I couldn’t forget, no matter how hard I tried.
Years in which I couldn’t express the excitement of my heart or my desire to share a future.
Douglas’ eyes were always following another woman.
The villainess who seduced the emperor and disrupted the empire’s order.
“Why did you even go to the slums?”
Douglas asked.
Claudia, relieved that the uncomfortable silence had ended, took a sip of her drink.
“To understand how the country is run, one must first look at the slums.”
“Returning and immediately inspecting the populace… still the same, Radia.”
“And why did you go?”
“To buy the medicinal herbs Susan requested.”
“And?”
“I couldn’t buy them. Or rather, I didn’t dare.”
Douglas replied bitterly.
It wasn’t that he was disappointed about not buying herbs.
Perhaps embarrassed to reveal his true thoughts to an old friend, he quickly changed the subject.
“What do you think of the country, as Commander? Does it run well?”
“It’s still a complete mess. Everything from start to finish needs fixing.”
“That’s all?”
“Hm. I saw a very interesting woman.”
“Interesting? That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that.”
