Chapter 19…
Even If Time Turns Back, The Feelings Remain
“Aileen.”
Lloyd rose from his seat and approached Aileen. His movements were so quick that Aileen thought he had closed the distance in an instant.
There was no time to avoid him.
“Come here.”
He tilted his head at just the right angle for a kiss. Aileen leaned her upper body back, but he followed. In the end, she was trapped between the sofa and Lloyd.
With him so close that she could feel his breath, Aileen instinctively lowered her gaze. For some reason, it was hard to reject him. Maybe because she was completely drunk now—his face looked blurry. A moment ago, she had recalled her older brother Ethan and felt resentment toward Lloyd, but now her muddled, intoxicated mind was a mess.
The wedding, the kiss, the first night… painful, sorrowful memories.
“I don’t want to.”
Her soft voice escaped.
When Lloyd leaned back slightly to read her expression, Aileen lifted the hand gripping the sofa. She clawed at his chest as if in pain.
Her fingertips gradually gained strength, and with her eyes squeezed shut, she shoved the man in front of her away without thinking. She was recalling her first night after manifesting as an Omega. She hated it. The pheromones forced upon her made her sick, and the relationship she was forced into had been terrifying.
“Don’t. Stop. I… I’m not ready yet.”
“Aileen.”
Lloyd grabbed her hand to restrain her intense reaction. But Aileen, unlike usual, didn’t calm down easily. Instead, she struggled even harder to get away.
“Don’t. I don’t want this. Please…”
Her whisper was weak. Her unfocused eyes didn’t shed tears, but they were empty.
“Haa… Aileen.”
In the end, Lloyd pulled her into his arms. Unlike when he had held her wrist, her resistance weakened, though that didn’t mean she accepted him.
“I didn’t see this coming.”
A wife refusing her husband while drunk—even if it was a contract marriage.
Lloyd held her tightly until she calmed down. After some time passed, he realized she had fallen asleep as her body relaxed in his arms. He carried her to the bed. As he gently laid her down, she rolled onto her side and curled up in her sleep, as if trying to make herself small and hide.
“Do you think that’ll make you invisible?”
Despite his grumbling, his hands were gentle as he pulled the blanket over her.
“I didn’t know you had this kind of drunken behavior.”
He muttered as he brushed the strands of hair stuck to her cheek aside. She had always seemed so blunt and straightforward with him, but apparently she had been hiding more than he’d thought.
She had proposed with a determined face, yet feared consummating the marriage. She probably thought if he left for the battlefield, she could avoid it entirely.
“If that’s the case, she shouldn’t have mentioned having a child.”
He let out a dry laugh, remembering how shamelessly she had brought up the idea of children. Lloyd quietly observed Aileen’s sleeping face. He began to suspect that perhaps she had never intended to have a child within the year they had agreed upon. Still, that was something he could confirm when she woke up. For now, he set the thought aside.
“I don’t have time for this.”
The moment he decided to marry Aileen, he had also thought of a way to escape the suffocating traditions that had bound him for so long. His plan was to have a child without hereditary traits to break the Senate’s obsessive fixation on lineage. For that, he needed to consummate their marriage before leaving the Grand Duke’s estate—but he’d run into an unexpected obstacle.
He could force the duty upon her, but…
“Mm.”
Aileen furrowed her brow in discomfort in her sleep. Lloyd gently brushed away the hair tickling her cheek, and her expression relaxed again. A smile suited her far better than a scowl.
“I’ve got a lot to take care of,” Lloyd muttered. His words sounded annoyed, but his expression was closer to concern than irritation.
He wasn’t interested in forcing a relationship. All of this was only happening because she had curled up like that in bed.
When did I fall asleep?
Aileen couldn’t remember what happened before she drifted off. Normally, she wouldn’t have bothered trying to recall, but today was different.
“You’re awake?”
Hearing the voice above her head, Aileen looked up. Lloyd was sitting in a chair he had pulled up beside the bed. Surely he hadn’t been sitting there the entire time? She didn’t dare ask, and simply answered his question.
“I’m awake.”
“No, I meant—are you sober?”
“…Yes.”
Aileen could guess what had happened. Just before she started feeling drunk, Lloyd’s face had blurred and another memory had surfaced. It seemed her first night with her ex-husband had left such a deep impression that those emotions had resurfaced.
Did I mistake him for my ex and try to run?
It was an awkward topic to bring up with Lloyd. Unsure of what to say, Aileen started with the basics.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
“But if I hadn’t gotten drunk…”
“It’s better that you did.”
Lloyd rubbed his tired eyes from staying up all night.
“At least you reacted honestly because you were drunk.”
“That’s not…”
She tried to find the right words but came up empty.
“It’s going to be a long road,” he sighed.
She watched him carefully. He must have been shocked by her unexpected behavior yesterday. How was she supposed to explain that she couldn’t forget her past marriage? He told her not to apologize, so she couldn’t even say sorry again. She simply closed her mouth and watched him.
“One month.”
When he suddenly mentioned time, she blinked in confusion.
“I leave in a month. If I want to make it to the departure ceremony, that’s all the time I’ve got here.”
“Oh…”
Now she understood why he brought up a month.
“One month is enough time for you to adjust. And before I leave, I will sleep with you.”
The hazy doubts in her mind dissipated quietly at his words, replaced by the clear sense of his time limit and his objective.
“One month?”
“Yes. No more than that. So you’d better get used to it.”
As if it were that easy. All Aileen could resolve was that she wouldn’t drink next time.
“Before that…”
Lloyd spoke lazily, eyeing her like he was deciding how to deal with someone who’d slipped away from his arms. He presented one condition—and then another.
“To get used to it, you have to put in the effort. Otherwise, nothing will change between now and a month later.”
For a moment, Aileen thought he’d read her mind and flinched. She was about to deny it when he suddenly stretched out his hand. She froze.
“Wait.”
She tried to sit up, but it was too late.
She didn’t know if he’d grab her hand or touch her cheek. If he intended something more sexual, it could’ve gone elsewhere. In that brief instant, she realized something ridiculous—whether she was drunk or not, she feared his touch. She couldn’t avoid Lloyd’s hand.
Tap.
His hand landed on her head, firm yet warm, both rough and gentle. There was no sexual nuance—just the simple, familiar gesture of a brother patting his sister’s head.
“…”
Is this what he meant by starting here?
As he stroked her hair a few more times, Aileen stopped trying to avoid him and sat quietly. Because of her traumatic Omega awakening, she was uneasy with sexual contact, but this kind of touch was… honestly, nice.
“You’re not resisting this.”
Lloyd gathered a handful of her hair and stroked it gently.
“Let’s start from here.”
When he asked if that was okay, Aileen gave a tiny nod. A swirl of guilt, gratitude, and relief from not having to relive the past all mixed together. Her chest felt tight for no clear reason. She glanced up at him.
“I should get up now.”
Her tone implied please remove your hand, and he did so obediently. He moved aside to let her get out of bed, checking the time.
“Your lessons as Grand Duchess start today. If it’s too much, come to my office.”
“I’ll do my best.”
She had no intention of going to him for help. She wouldn’t whine about it; she’d keep up with the lessons no matter what. The sooner she adapted to her role, the better. Still, his words warmed her, and she gave him a faint smile.
Seeing her response, Lloyd paused briefly before suddenly speaking again.
“Or should I come to you?”
His voice was light, almost like he was suggesting a casual outing.
