Chapter 50…………
Noah hesitated a little before answering.
“Yes.”
“You wanted to be a painter more than a king?”
“…I suppose so.”
The words came out with difficulty, and Noah’s lips pressed shut in a straight line. Maybe because of the dream he’d had that morning, that one question struck heavily against his heart.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but… The way I see you, it looks like you’re cautious, yet also somehow content with how things are.”
That sense of dissonance she’d felt whenever she saw Noah with Tirein. Tirein seemed relaxed but still paid too much attention to Noah, treating him with careful courtesy, whereas Noah appeared to have no particular feelings toward him at all. If anything, that only deepened the sense of distance. He was the same toward the king as well.
But how could that be? How could someone lose everything overnight and still not hold any resentment? Wasn’t he just hiding his true feelings?
“Ah, what we’re talking about here—I won’t tell my sister. I swear.”
Because her sister was the queen, she quickly added it—he might think their conversation could reach the king’s ears otherwise.
“It’s just… No matter how much I think about it, I can’t understand. Ah, but if you don’t want to talk about it, forget it.”
Noah’s expression seemed to darken. He gazed at Cordelia, who was floundering with her words, trying to comfort him, and then he answered.
“I can’t say that I’m unsatisfied.”
The words flowed out more smoothly than he expected, and Noah himself was startled. Maybe he had wanted to confide in someone all along, but there had simply been no one he could.
“Back then, not once did I ever imagine I could live like this.”
He had thought it was only ever a passing indulgence. Cordelia told him to live as he wished, but that had never been possible.
“Why not? Even as royalty, you could still paint, couldn’t you?”
Noah’s brow furrowed in anguish.
“How could I?”
His voice carried years of buried regret. Cordelia, struck silent at hearing such emotions for the first time, watched as Noah pressed on.
“Everyone placed their loyalty, their expectations, even their very lives on this so-called noble blood of mine. How could I turn away from that desperation? What about my mother, who devoted her entire life, hoping I would claim the crown?”
Noah gave a short laugh. The bitterness piled deep inside slipped out with it. His clenched fist, veins bulging, betrayed how hard it was for him to endure speaking of it.
“Cordelia. You may think me foolish, but I couldn’t ignore those expectations. If I hadn’t forced myself to remain Ian Linaen, I could never have lived as I do now.”
And truthfully—if someone asked whether he’d felt a sense of relief when things turned out like this, he couldn’t say no. The throne had never been anything more than a burden he had no choice but to carry.
Even that fact alone left Noah with immense guilt.
“So… I don’t really understand why my uncle still feels guilty toward me.”
In the end, he had just shoved the role of villain onto them, while escaping down the path he found most comfortable.
“That guilt is mine to bear. I was the one who ended up disappointing my mother.”
Was it because he hadn’t wanted this kind of life that things turned out this way? That question still lingered inside him like residue.
So when he reunited with Cordelia, he honestly thought it might be punishment. Punishment for feeling content in this life without remorse.
The pain of having to turn away from someone as kind and lovely as her—he was feeling that down to his very bones.
Cordelia’s eyes curved faintly as she looked at Noah, who was wrapped in self-reproach. Unlike his grim seriousness, she spoke brightly.
“How is any of that your fault? No one else would think so.”
“You can deceive others, but not yourself.”
Noah shook his head, recalling the day of his first confinement—how he had seen the tools, paints, and canvases filling the room.
Even if I’m watched for the rest of my life, that’s fine. If this is a dream, please, don’t let me wake.
“You didn’t directly plot rebellion. So even if we were to be together, there’d be some kind of way through.”
“Of course. But it would probably require one-sided sacrifice… from you.”
“Ugh.”
She had thought so before, but Noah was sharper than expected. Well, he had been royalty and a strong heir candidate—naturally he had received that kind of education.
“Cordelia. A man who only has good looks is not worth associating with.”
“You’ve got a good personality too.”
“It’s just that others are far too rude.”
“Well, that’s true.”
“I have nothing to give you, Cordelia.”
“I already have everything. What does it matter? You just need to bring yourself.”
She said it boldly, and a faint smile flickered across Noah’s lips. It faded quickly, but if she could make him smile, even for a moment, that was enough.
Smiles were better than tears. She liked the melancholy look on him too, but what she loved most was seeing him happy.
“Then I’ll figure out a way. One that works for both you and me!”
Cordelia struck her chest with her palm in determination.
“Alright? No complaints?”
“Such a way…”
“Whether it exists or not, that’s for me to decide. How would you know if you don’t even try?”
Noah parted his lips, then pressed down countless emotions with the tip of his tongue.
“Why?”
You could be with anyone you wanted. Why are you being so kind to me?
“Because I’m greedy—I want everything. So don’t worry. It’ll work out somehow!”
Cordelia sprang to her feet, speaking with spirit, her face lit by a radiant smile. It shone like the sun itself, and Noah couldn’t take his eyes off her. Like any flower endlessly drawn to the sun.
And yet, in the end, Noah couldn’t bring himself to answer.
In the dark night came the sound of scraping wood.
Relying on the light of a lantern on the table, Noah gently carved at a block of wood, lost in thought. His hands moved with precision, unfaltering even with a blade.
Lately, his emotions swung too wildly. He knew the reason, yet he focused on his work.
“Then I’ll figure out a way. One that works for both you and me!”
Remembering Cordelia as she said those words, Noah couldn’t help but smile, even though he knew it wasn’t the time. She really hadn’t changed at all.
She hadn’t back then, either.
He quietly reflected on his past. He had been fifteen.
Even though his elder brother had already been named crown prince, those around him didn’t know the word “give up.” Yet he himself had been too cowardly, too pathetic, to say they should stop.
It wasn’t that he had never spoken of it. Once, when he tried, his mother had looked so heartbroken that he couldn’t bear to mention it again. He already knew all too well that in that bleak palace, he was her only reason for enduring.
Kept in the palace under the guise of “protection,” he had almost no chance to meet peers or anyone outside the royal circle. Looking back now, he was just a coward swept along by circumstances.
But his brother was different. Even after losing his mother, the former queen, and being left alone with no allies, he carved out his own path.
Seeing how everyone came to acknowledge his brother, Noah realized it painfully—someone who stood above all others had to be like that.
Compared to him, Noah was pathetic. Though surrounded by protection, he had achieved nothing by his own hand.
The one thing he thought he could do well—painting—was dismissed as a lowly pursuit. If he had ever said he wanted to paint as a prince, his mother would have been horrified.
Helplessly weighed down by reality, his worries only grew. Then, he met Cordelia. Her lively, fearless nature was unlike anyone around him.
“I’m going to live the way I want. No matter what anyone says!”
That heavy yet almost childlike declaration was so endearing that it felt as if the world around her brightened.
She was someone walking a completely different path. Maybe that was why he was drawn to her. He always had to live as Ian Linaen, as everyone expected. He always had to give others what they wanted instead of following his own desires.
So, those sparkling eyes that said she would live her own life looked dazzlingly beautiful. Beautiful enough to stir the faint emotions of first love.
After his confinement, he never thought he would see her again. Yet whenever things grew hard, he remembered that bright smile of hers. Whenever guilt weighed on him for enjoying this life, he held onto her words and pushed through.
For eight years, he had lived guided by them, receiving more comfort than he could ever say. Whenever he heard rumors of her, he was reassured—she hadn’t changed.
When they met again, it was the same. She was unchanged, and that alone made him thankful, made him glad.
So he mustn’t cause her any more trouble. To settle his feelings, he had to resolve this situation quickly.
Noah glanced at the letter lying beside the lantern.
His teacher was a renowned craftsman and well-connected within the guild. For all his lighthearted manner, his lips were tightly sealed. When Noah had sent him a sketch of the old woman’s appearance, he had replied that he recognized her—that letter had arrived today.
When this night passed, Noah would return to the capital. The portrait was finished, so he wouldn’t be seeing Cordelia’s face every day anymore.
It felt bittersweet, but also a relief. He couldn’t let himself grow too accustomed to her presence. Otherwise, when the time came to part, he knew he wouldn’t be able to endure the loss.
“All done.”
Noah set down a small, palm-sized wooden carving with fine, pale grain on the table. He dipped his brush into paint and began to color it, his expression serious.
Time passed, dawn came, and morning broke.
As the carriage departed for the capital, a carefully crafted wolf carving sat by the window of Isaac’s study, watching them off.
“So, how are things progressing?”
At the calm inquiry, the man swallowed hard and replied.
“A ship should be arriving soon. It will need to slip past inspection, but we’ll find a way to smuggle it through.”
“I see… Is that so.”
The speaker answered languidly, strolling across the room. Though he wore only a shabby cloak and his beard was unkempt, the man knew all too well how terrifying he was.
As a proxy, he did his duties faithfully, but facing his master always made him tense. Especially when his eyes fell upon that great scar etched across the man’s right cheek—he couldn’t help but flinch.
The brown gaze, scanning the ornaments, came to rest on one spot. He reached out and picked up a bear-shaped carving.
“This carving is rather unusual.”
“Ah, yes. I purchased it at the market in Devron.”
“For something bought in a street market, the craftsmanship is quite delicate… Hm?”
He noticed an initial, small and discreet, carved into the corner. He fell silent, while the other man fidgeted nervously. Then, a faint smile crept onto his lips.
