IMFTISL l CH 118

Chapter 118…………………………………………………….

The demonic beasts had vanished.

At the same time as the demon’s destruction, they disappeared without leaving a trace. It had already been a full month since a demonic beast last appeared.

“Phew.”

Just exhaling deeply was enough for Mileta to look at me as if I were admirable. It was my first time being treated like this, so I felt a little flustered, but I couldn’t bring myself to scold her.

The problem was that Mileta wasn’t the only one like that.

The first time I opened my eyes in bed, it was to the sound of Lexin and Cheryl sobbing loudly.

Of course, it was basically the same as opening my eyes and closing them again.

When I opened them again later, I managed to hold onto consciousness a little longer.

Gabriella was holding my hand and crying. She would cry, then heal me, then cry again. Once more, I ran out of strength and closed my eyes.

Where is Axion?

Mileta told me why I had survived. Honestly, it was unexpected.

The Pope saved me? Why?

I had never even met the Pope. Yet she said I had helped her. Was this also part of a past I couldn’t remember?

After thinking about it for a while, my head began to throb. It seemed the sword wound I’d inflicted on myself had been deeper than I thought. Whenever I tried to get up, my chest hurt like crazy. Only now, a month later, had it improved somewhat. At first, I hadn’t even been able to sit up.

“…Axion?”

Mileta’s hand hesitated.

Even after I woke up, Axion didn’t appear. Little by little, ominous thoughts crept in, but I swallowed them down. As if believing that as long as I didn’t say them out loud, they wouldn’t become reality.

“His Grace will come soon. Please don’t worry about anything, Your Highness.”

“…Alright.”

Did Mileta know? That was already the third time she’d said that.

Axion didn’t come to see me. From what Mileta said, it didn’t sound like he was particularly busy or had any special reason.

“Does he not want to see me?”

Because I abandoned him and tried to die on my own?

But Axion was the same. What could I do about being like this?

I felt a little wronged, but all I did was pout.

“Did you tell him I’m in terrible pain?”

“…Yes.”

“Hm.”

And he still didn’t come. He must be really angry.

“This won’t do.”

“W-What are you trying to do… Your Highness!”

When I tried to get up, Mileta rushed over and pressed my shoulders down.

“No. I can’t wait anymore. I’m going to see Axion.”

“…Your Highness, you need to rest a little longer. If you do, I’ll make sure—”

“It’s fine. I said I’ll go! Just help me with this—”

“Mileta, that’s enough.”

Both Mileta and I froze. It was Axion’s voice.

What? Was he outside the door?

Only then did Mileta let go of my shoulder. She looked back and forth between Axion and me, then sighed deeply, as if resigning herself.

“Then I’ll leave the two of you to talk.”

“…”
“….”

Axion and I didn’t answer, too busy glaring at each other until Mileta left.

The moment the door closed, sharp words burst out of me.

“Are you sulking at me right now?”

“Does it look like I’m sulking?”

I was speaking just like I used to when I teased Axion before. But unlike then, he didn’t simply say it was his fault. Instead, he matched my attitude exactly.

“If you’re not sulking, then what is this? I’m this sick, and you don’t even come to see me.”

“I’ve been watching you the whole time.”

“…I mean when I’m awake!”

When I was asleep didn’t count. Our conversation continued to miss each other.

“Come here.”

“…I don’t want to.”

“Do you dislike me now?”

“……”

Axion didn’t answer. In his silence, I caught a glimpse of hope.

“Come here and hug me. Sitting like this is tiring.”

“Please lie down.”

“Then help me lie down.”

“That’s not something I need to do.”

“Do you think I’m doing this because I need you, Sion?”

“Isn’t that the case?”

I felt a vein bulge on my forehead. I’d never imagined I’d argue like this with Axion. I thought I’d never seen—and never would see—this version of him, past or future.

Does he really dislike me now?

Fear suddenly seized me. Was it because I’d selfishly tried to die, leaving him behind?

I had nothing to say in my defense.

Was it arrogance to think he’d understand my selfishness again, like always?

The more I thought, the more my heart turned to mud, sinking endlessly.

Until I saw Axion, I was sure he couldn’t possibly hate me. But now that I was facing him, I realized it. Axion was also someone capable of hating me.

“….”

I couldn’t respond and kept my mouth shut for a long time.

The longer the silence stretched, the harder it was to meet his gaze.

He really must dislike me now.

My heart dropped with a thud. A heavy stone clogged my throat, and no words came out.

I bit my lip. With nothing to say, at least I could bite my lip to endure the moment.

I collapsed back onto the bed like someone whose lifeline had been cut, turning my head sharply and gripping the innocent blanket instead.

Then Axion walked over. When he sat on the edge of the bed, my body tilted slightly toward him.

“…Do you dislike me now?”

I didn’t want to ask. I was afraid he’d say yes. But my mouth betrayed me, and I asked impulsively. I was scared of his answer, yet I couldn’t let him go like this. If he said yes, I planned to grab him and keep him from moving even a step.

Slowly, I turned my head. Axion was closer than I expected. His face was sharp, and the eyes that were always gentle when looking at me were cold. Only then did I realize how he looked at others, and it made me feel sad.

As if I were no longer special.

“Answer me. Do you dislike me?”

“….”

“I said answer me!”

I knew I shouldn’t lash out at him like this, yet I was angry anyway. No matter how many times I died and came back, I was still me.

“…No.”

Even though the answer I’d been waiting for finally came, I couldn’t relax. His expression was still cold.

“Then why are you angry with me?”

“…I’m angry at myself.”

“Why would you be angry at yourself? What did you do wrong?”

“Because I never thought you’d die for me.”

“….”

Should I be angry at that, or should I laugh? I hesitated, then chose something in between.

“…I can die for you too, Sion. Just like you can die for me.”

“I didn’t die.”

“I came from a past where you died.”

“…….”

Only then did Axion’s expression waver. I remembered the moment before I died, when the demon turned back time. If it wasn’t just my illusion, then Axion must have experienced it too.

I was right. Axion didn’t ask what I meant.

“So don’t say you don’t know that pain.”

“Only after you died did I realize how terrible the things I said were.”

He didn’t need to say it—I knew exactly what he meant.

‘Never do anything for my sake.’

Now he knew how cruel those words were.

When he lowered his gaze like someone repenting, the armor around my heart finally loosened a little.

“This all happened because of my own selfish desire from the start.”

“So are you taking responsibility by breaking off our engagement or something?”

“Jenaia.”

“You can’t do that. If you wronged me, then repay it by staying by my side until I die. That’s what you should do, Sion.”

“…Even if that’s my selfish desire?”

“I don’t care what you’re thinking anymore. I’ll do what I want. This is my selfishness. Forget being a gentle lover—cancelled.”

At my words, which were practically a declaration of war, Axion closed his eyes.

“So now, hug me.”

I’m really sick.

At my weak voice, Axion’s hand supported my waist. I didn’t miss the chance and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“You’ve lost weight.”

“…Then eat with me until I recover.”

“I will.”

Axion answered obediently again. I hugged him even tighter.

Afraid of touching my wounds, he awkwardly held my waist, not knowing what to do.

“Please don’t ever do that again.”

“…Alright.”

I promised—but I had no intention of keeping it. As if he knew, Axion pressed his lips to my earlobe.

It was finally a perfect afternoon. I’d spent so many days just to reach today.

“I love you, Sion.”

Axion chewed over the words for a long time. Even though his reply was late, I wasn’t anxious at all. I knew how many times he was rolling my words around in his mouth.

I wondered if it was too late to say it, but the words no longer mattered.

I’d already told him I loved him hundreds of times—through actions rather than a single sentence. Axion lowered his flushed face.

“…I love you.”

So much that words couldn’t contain it. His whisper in my ear was sweet. My wounds throbbed a little, but it was nothing. As long as Axion didn’t die beside me, my world was perfect.

In the end, Axion cried a little. I wiped away every tear that fell down his cheek.

After holding on just to embrace him, I finally let out a small groan and was forcibly laid back down on the bed.

“Don’t go anywhere, Sion.”

“I’ll stay by your side.”

Even if I can’t be a gentle lover anymore, I’ll never let you go.

Epilogue

Only a limited number of people could visit me. Above all, the fact that I’d died and come back to life wasn’t public knowledge. Even Sezan and Azelia, who came to visit, only knew that I’d been seriously injured—not that I’d nearly died.

“Still, it’s a relief that the Saintess is by your side.”

“It really would’ve been disastrous without her.”

“Indeed. It’s truly fortunate.”

Sezan and Azelia were strengthening their friendship as inseparable business partners. Their lives were comfortable now, so Sezan no longer needed to give up her dreams just to raise her son.

“Azelia, you’re getting married?”

“Yes. It just worked out that way.”

Azelia blushed shyly. It was unexpected news. She seemed worried about whether it was appropriate to share her news while I was bedridden, but that was ridiculous. I was happier than anyone.

“Sezan introduced us. He was one of the painters she knew well.”

“I see. That’s wonderful. Sezan, don’t you plan to remarry?”

Sezan smiled, but it was a bittersweet one.

“Not yet. Rey has been looking for his dad lately, but… that doesn’t mean I want to marry just anyone.”

“Of course. You’re still young. A good person will appear.”

“Thank you, Lord Regent.”

I said it to comfort her, but I knew the future.

Even in the distant future, when Sezan helped Cheryl, she was still alone. But I didn’t want to tell her she’d always be alone. Living alone might be better, after all.

Come to think of it, does that mean this world inside the book was basically a curse the demon placed on me?

Through the demon, I’d learned the future. The future I saw was that this world was inside a book, and within its plot, I was a villain fated to be executed.

Now, both my past life and that “book” were fading. As my original self and memories returned, they disappeared like a midsummer night’s dream. My past life was now completely hazy.

“More importantly, you should be getting married, Lord Regent.”

“Huh?”

“That’s right. Your engagement has been far too long. So much has happened. Now you should get married and enjoy your honeymoon.”

I hadn’t expected that. I mean, I was going to get married eventually, but I’d been so busy just surviving that I’d forgotten.

“Well… yes. I guess so. Axion is probably thinking about it too, right?”

“Of course. His Grace may have already prepared everything.”

“That certainly sounds like him.”

Sezan and Azelia laughed in unison.

Really? It doesn’t seem like he’s thought about it at all.

And that was true. After our passionate reconciliation, we’d returned to peaceful daily life.

But peaceful daily life didn’t mean wedding preparations.

“Still, with the political atmosphere so unsettled, the wedding will probably have to wait until next year.”

“What a shame. You have to let me handle the wedding dress.”

“Then please give me the chance to decorate the venue.”

Nodding at the two women who were more enthusiastic about my wedding than I was, noon arrived.

It was time for Axion to come.

“How are you feeling today?”

“I think I’m almost completely better.”

“For someone who says that, you’ve been in pain quite often.”

“…That’s because you keep touching me, Sion.”

“In any case, no.”

Lately, Sion and I had been bickering constantly. Over trivial things, I’d insist stubbornly, and instead of agreeing like he used to, Axion would often put his foot down and say no.

“Can we even get married like this?”

It slipped out because of my earlier conversation with Sezan and Azelia. It was the first time I’d ever said the word “marriage.” Axion looked at me with surprised eyes.

Oops. That wasn’t how I meant to say it.

“Sion, I’m sick, so I’m going to sleep a little.”

“You can’t sleep. You need to eat lunch.”

“Skipping one meal should be fine—”

“No.”

Axion was like a wind-up doll that only knew how to say “No.”

I even mentioned marriage, and he doesn’t seem affected at all.

As if on cue, Axion spoke.

“We’ll get married once you’ve fully recovered.”

“Is there really a need to wait that long?”

With absolute certainty, like someone declaring tomorrow’s weather would be clear, he said,

“It would be difficult to spend the first night in this condition.”