Chapter 66
Radio Broadcast
Luise was curious.
Why had the higher-ups assigned her to Giles Hessen?
There were plenty of officers who could have handled the job. They could’ve easily picked someone who had no prior connection with him. Yet, strangely enough, they had chosen her — someone who’d been close to Giles back in their academy days.
Of course, being a bit friendly with him in their youth didn’t mean anything now. What could a faded friendship possibly change?
Still, from time to time, Luise couldn’t help but wonder — was there some unique advantage only she could offer?
Maybe they thought Giles would let down his guard around her, at least a little. If that was the case, the upper command had hit the bullseye.
Other soldiers treated Luise with the utmost respect, but to Giles Hessen, she wasn’t Major Luise Gottlieb — she was simply Luise, his old classmate. To a man who no longer felt any sense of belonging to the Veldam army, the insignia pinned to her chest meant nothing.
Even though the intelligence bureau kept him under surveillance and the media endlessly gossiped about him, the truth was — not even the top brass really knew Giles Hessen.
They were all terrified of what he might do next. Giles was the kind of man capable of anything if he put his mind to it. After all, this was the man who had killed his own beloved sister with his own hands.
They didn’t want him attempting suicide or attacking the guards.
But no one knew how to keep him calm, how to pacify him without pushing too far. Most of them had only heard stories — almost none had ever faced him in person.
So, maybe they had decided that she, Luise, was the only one who knew how to handle Giles Hessen — even slightly.
Truth be told, Luise didn’t know how to deal with him either. It had been nearly seven years since they last met.
And over those years, she had been told — over and over — that Giles Hessen was a vile, despicable monster. She had almost forgotten what kind of person he’d once been.
But now, with Giles sitting right before her, those old memories were starting to return, bit by bit.
One thing was certain: he didn’t look like a demon.
What she saw was just Giles Hessen — a man stripped of color and dignity, buried under layers of disgrace. He didn’t seem like a ticking bomb, nor did he seem consumed by rage. Even without any coaxing, he behaved quietly, obediently.
Except, of course, when Anna was mentioned.
Luise was sharing another meal with him that day. There was a simple reason for it — she had a duty to ensure his health, and meals were often when conversation naturally arose.
He was cutting his food mechanically, heavy cuffs clinking around his wrists. Despite being given decent food, he looked as though the act of prolonging his own life disgusted him.
“Don’t have an appetite?” she asked.
He didn’t respond. He looked as though the very sight of her made him weary.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
“Nothing.”
“If you’re feeling unwell, you should tell me. I’ll send in a doctor.”
“No need.”
“Is it because you miss Anna?”
At that, he froze for just a moment — but quickly regained composure.
“Don’t talk about her.”
“Why not? You love her. Don’t you want to know how she’s doing right now?”
“As long as I know she’s safe, that’s enough.”
“Really? I think you’d still want to hear something about her. Like, say… every time I meet you, I could tell you a few updates — for example, that Anna’s started seeing someone new.”
She had struck a nerve. Giles stopped moving and glared at her. He was clearly angry.
“What are you trying to achieve by saying that?”
“It’s just an example.”
“Whether it’s true or not, don’t assume I’d care.”
“So even if Anna’s sleeping with another man, you wouldn’t care?”
“…”
He couldn’t bring himself to answer. Instead, he looked down at his plate again, his face heavy with resignation. Luise could tell he was struggling not to show his agitation.
“I’m already as good as dead,” he said softly. “A living man’s better than a dead one — even for Anna’s sake.”
“Funny you should say that,” Luise said coldly. “I visited Anna yesterday. Do you know what I heard? Strange noises from her room. I thought she might be sick, so I went in — and there she was, screaming under her new lover. In a good way, I mean. She said he’s far better than you ever were.”
Giles finally set down his utensils.
Luise smiled faintly, watching him closely behind that calm expression. She wanted to see his real face. Surely this quietness was an act, a disguise.
Giles had lived steeped in violence. Everyone who’d survived war had, to some degree — but he was different.
He was an executor of violence. The one who tied up helpless people and tortured them. The one who smiled and shook hands with those he’d later kill. He had murdered friends. He had even stabbed his own family. And yet somehow, he’d kept his sanity.
Luise believed what the papers said — that there was darkness rooted deep within his soul.
The man she’d known at the academy could never have done those things. Giles had changed. He wasn’t the same person anymore — and she wanted him to prove it.
If he did, then maybe she could finally erase the lingering image of the boy she once knew.
Come on, Giles. Get angry. Flip the table. Grab me by the collar. Show me the man you’ve become.
“She’s forgotten all about you,” Luise said.
“Stop.”
“She screamed like she used to — but not for you this time.”
“Luise. Stop it.”
He turned his head away, rubbing his forehead with one hand. Luise thought he was restraining his rage.
But when he finally looked up again, there was no anger, no hatred — nothing at all.
“Next time, respect her privacy,” he said quietly.
“That’s all you have to say?”
“What kind of reaction are you expecting? Anna’s just living her life. As I said, I’m a dead man walking. The best thing I can do for her is to stay out of it. My disappearance is what’s best for her.”
Was it the knowledge of his impending execution that made him so detached?
Whatever the reason, Luise didn’t believe this calm, rational man in front of her. This wasn’t the Giles Hessen everyone hated.
And because of that, she couldn’t accept him as he was.
She felt deceived — and the feeling made her sick. She had to shake it off somehow.
“Anna abandoned you,” she pressed.
“So what?”
“You gave your life for her — and she’s rolling around with another man.”
“Let her.”
“You’re not angry? Don’t you feel anything? Don’t think you can fool me, Giles Hessen. This quiet act won’t change your sentence.”
“So you’re saying I’ve failed to meet your expectations?”
Now, Giles was completely composed.
He continued, “I am a murderer. I’ve killed many — to save my own skin. I wasn’t even one of your Ipswin people. I deserve the hatred. You don’t need proof. Even if I don’t lash out at you, I’ve done enough despicable things to earn your disgust. You know that. Crossing into Veldam wasn’t just to save Anna — it was because I’d finally realized I wanted to stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Just… existing, I guess. At some point, being alive became unbearable.”
He gave a hollow smile. To Luise, it looked like a mask hastily thrown on to hide his true face. He couldn’t even meet her eyes.
“Everything I do turns to disaster,” he went on. “I thought I was helping people, but I wasn’t. No matter how hard I tried to do the right thing, I couldn’t hide the rot inside me. Anna cried because of me. She hurt herself because of me. And when I realized I’d pushed her into that pit… I just wanted everything to end. I thought — maybe it’s finally time to admit it. The more I run, the more the sins I haven’t atoned for destroy everything around me.”
“So what? You’re saying you came here to kill yourself?”
