IHRM 11

Chapter 11. Bellea’s True Feelings

Ellea was momentarily speechless, then spoke in a flustered tone, clearly thrown off by Bellea’s outburst.

“What’s with you all of a sudden?”

“You were saying something ridiculous, so I responded accordingly.”

“What exactly was so ridiculous?”

She couldn’t understand why Bellea was reacting like this. To be honest, it was a thought anyone might have.

“You still don’t get what I said, do you? You’re my sister—we’re family.”

“Even if we’re family, it’s perfectly natural to have those thoughts. Besides, you’re the crown prince. You shouldn’t make such decisions lightly.”

At her words, Bellea let out a sigh, ran his fingers through his hair, and lowered his head. Seeing that, Ellea decided to speak honestly about something she had felt for a while.

“Bellea, you care about me too much. I know it’s because I’ve been sick, but there have been plenty of times when it felt like too much.”

Bellea listened quietly, then lifted his head and met her gaze. And for the first time, he opened up.

“We’re twins.”

“Yes.”

“That’s why I sometimes wondered… maybe you’re sick because of me.”

“What?”

Ellea reacted with surprise, but when she saw the seriousness in Bellea’s eyes and voice, she stayed quiet and let him continue.

“Every time I saw you suffering, I felt so heavy-hearted. Honestly… I kept wondering if I was the reason you were like that.”

“You really—”

“When I saw how worried our parents were about you, I even thought… maybe if I had never existed, you could’ve been healthy… Ah! What the—”

Realizing where Bellea’s words were headed, Ellea cut him off with a hard flick to his forehead—the same way he had done to her earlier, but with much more force.

Then she repeated his own words back at him.

“You were saying something ridiculous, so I responded accordingly.”

“At least I didn’t hit you that hard! Didn’t you overdo it a little?”

“Don’t be such a baby. Anyway, don’t ever think like that again. And don’t even mention it. If Mom and Dad ever find out what you’ve been thinking all this time, they’d be thrilled.”

When Ellea deliberately brought up their parents, Bellea predictably tried to silence her.

“What I said today is a secret. Got it?”

As he returned to his usual demeanor, Ellea felt relieved. She hadn’t expected him to have harbored such thoughts. When she had said those things earlier, it was only because she didn’t want him to blame himself.

“Well, I might keep your secret… if you help convince them to let me go to Luvein.”

“You’re seriously using my weakness like that?”

“Exactly. So don’t let it be a weakness—don’t think like that. To me, you’ve only given me good memories.”

Those last words came from her heart. Since waking up in this body, Bellea was the first person she had opened up to like this.

“Ellea.”

“Don’t make that touched face. You’re making me feel embarrassed.”

With her teasing, the two of them burst into laughter. And once the laughter faded, Bellea asked her seriously,

“You’re sure you won’t regret this decision?”

Knowing what he meant, Ellea met his eyes without hesitation.

“Of course. You, of all people, know that this isn’t something I can just run from.”

“Why are you so fearless? You don’t even know what could happen there.”

“Nothing has happened so far. History proves it. And at the end of the day, people live there too.”

“You really…”

Bellea let out a small sigh in response to her firm conviction. He had no choice but to give in—he now fully understood that nothing would change her mind.

“…Fine. I’ll allow it.”

“Good.”

“What, you’re not even surprised?”

“Your permission was never really necessary anyway.”

Now that she had gotten the answer she wanted, Ellea had nothing holding her back. Confident in herself, she faced forward, though Bellea still couldn’t shake his worries.

“You just don’t know how dangerous the world outside the palace can be.”

That remark almost made Ellea laugh. She knew it better than anyone—just how harsh life was beyond the palace walls.

“Even so, you’ll have to convince Mother and Father yourself.”

“I was planning to. If I explain it from the empire’s perspective, they’ll be unable to object.”

“You’re forgetting something. Before they’re rulers, they’re our parents.”

Despite his concern, Ellea was confident she could persuade them. She gently reassured him.

“It’s not like I’m leaving forever. Just one year—it’ll pass in no time.”

“I know. But still…”

He couldn’t help but imagine that once she left, she would never come back. That she’d keep walking away, no matter how loudly he called after her.

“I don’t know why it feels like you’re leaving forever. I’m probably just being paranoid, right?”

Ellea smiled at his words but couldn’t bring herself to deny it. Instead, she changed the subject to calm him down.

“Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Yeah. I’m your family—I should trust you.”

Family.

Ellea realized that maybe she had grown attached to these people in this short time. Especially to the warmth they showed her.

The next day, they wasted no time in informing the emperor and empress of the decision they had made.

“So I think it’s right that I go, as originally planned. It’s also what I want.”

At first, the emperor and empress opposed the idea of their sick daughter leaving, but sensing her sincerity, they finally gave their consent.

“Alright, if that’s your choice.”

Honestly, Ellea had braced herself for strong opposition. She felt a bit deflated when they agreed so easily.

“Surprised we gave in so easily?”

“Yes, a little. I thought you’d resist more.”

“We trust our daughter.”

That one word—trust—suddenly brought Terban’s face to Ellea’s mind, a face she thought she had forgotten. Along with his voice, which had once told her the same thing.

“I trust you.”

Ellea forced herself to erase the memory of him and bowed her head sincerely.

“Thank you.”

And so, her departure for the Luvein Empire was decided, and from that day on, she began her preparations. The news quickly reached Luvein as well.

“So the princess has recovered and will be coming here as originally planned.”

“I see.”

Terban, seated in his office, listened to his aide’s report. He wasn’t thrilled that the princess was coming instead of the crown prince, but the matter had been settled long ago, and he had no other options.

“A shame. It would’ve been better if the crown prince were coming.”

After issuing a few more instructions, one name naturally slipped from his lips.

“So that matter should go to El—”

Terban suddenly stopped when he realized what name he had just spoken. When no follow-up came, the aide called him cautiously.

“Your Majesty? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing. Proceed as planned.”

“Yes, understood.”

After the aide left, Terban reached for his pen to return to work but soon put it down and stood, gazing out the window.

A month had passed since El’s death.

The knights had been deeply shocked by her sudden passing, but in Terban’s presence, they carefully avoided even mentioning her.

The poisoning case had been closed.

El had confessed and taken her own life, leaving no reason for further investigation.

Just in case, they had searched her office afterward but found nothing suspicious. So the conclusion remained—El was the culprit.

Yet the image of her reaching out with bloodstained hands still haunted Terban.

“What you see isn’t always the truth.”

He still couldn’t understand what she meant by those final words.

But the years they spent together didn’t simply vanish. Just like earlier, her presence continued to seep into his world—so deep it felt permanent.

Lost in increasingly tangled thoughts, Terban shook his head and sat back down, forcing himself to focus on work.

“Please erase everything about me from your memory, Your Majesty—from beginning to end.”

“…Even in death, you ask the hardest things of me.”

A familiar ache returned, just as it had the moment he witnessed her death.

Busy with preparations to leave for Luvein, Ellea hardly noticed time passing. Before she knew it, the night before her departure had arrived.

She lay in bed early, knowing she had a long journey ahead, but sleep wouldn’t come easily—not with the reality of returning to Luvein on her mind.

“…This isn’t working.”

After tossing and turning, she sat up. Despite the late hour, she changed into her training clothes and slipped out of the palace, avoiding others’ eyes. Her destination was the now-familiar training grounds.

With practiced ease, she drew a wooden sword and began to swing it as she walked toward the center.

Her body, still weak from illness, tired easily—but Ellea wasn’t one to give up.

Driven by sheer determination, she pushed herself through the rigorous training, and over time, her skills had improved remarkably.

Especially thanks to her memories and experiences from when she was El—those had been invaluable. Now, she was good enough to hide her true abilities.

“Who knew the hardships of childhood would come in handy?”

As she moved in perfect sync with her sword, the worries that had filled her mind began to melt away.

“Moving your body really is the best way to clear your head.”

By now, she looked less like a noble princess and more like El. Anyone who had known the real Ellea might even doubt whether this was the same person.

“It’s fine. No one will ever guess I’m El.”

Her breathing grew heavier as she swung again and again, her strikes sounding almost real in their intensity. Only after countless repetitions did she finally stop.

“No more dying in disgrace…”

“…Never again.”

Ellea stood silently in the training yard for a long time, repeating the same promise to herself again and again.

Thus passed the long, troubled night—and the morning that had seemed so far away finally arrived.