Chapter 97
“I don’t know what you mean.”
At Chanellica’s words urging him to be honest, Derwin turned his head away as if it wasn’t even worth listening to.
Then Chanellica threw off the blanket and got down from the bed. She didn’t care about the icy cold sensation of the floor against her bare feet. The closer she stepped toward Derwin, the larger the moon outside the window seemed to loom.
“Can you really say with confidence that you’ve been honest with me?”
Now she was only a few steps away. Derwin turned his head back and looked at her.
Her mint-colored eyes, reflecting the moonlight, were clearer than ever. The sharp clarity that seemed to pierce through him made Derwin lose the moment to reply.
“Lord, you…”
Chanellica stretched out her small, pale hand.
“Your hair is black…”
Her hand touched his hair. Derwin flinched without meaning to. The reflexive thought that he should brush her away shot through his mind.
“…and your eyes are black too.”
But his body didn’t move to follow his thoughts.
Her hand that had brushed his hair slid down to his face. The icy-cold hand gently stroked the corner of his eye.
“But it’s your heart that seems the blackest.”
Before she knew it, her hand trailed down his face and touched his left chest.
If your heart has grown this dark, then how can I just pretend not to see you anymore?
Chanellica was bearing the crushing weight of emotions she couldn’t name.
“You… who are you?”
“……”
“I don’t really know who you are anymore.”
In Derwin’s dark eyes, the image of Chanellica bathed in moonlight was reflected in full.
“Are you really… Lord, the one who completely erased human Derwin?”
From her hand pressed against him, she could feel the erratic pounding of his heart. Whether it was human or dragon she couldn’t tell, but it beat honestly—faster, harsher than a normal man’s.
“So you’re still spouting nonsense.”
“You thought I wouldn’t notice? Acting so obviously?”
“……”
“No. You just wanted me not to notice. So I only played along the way you wanted.”
Chanellica had been confused for a long time. Every time she caught a glimpse of the “human Derwin,” whom he claimed was nothing but a memory of the past.
At first, she thought it was just her own longing playing tricks on her. But as time passed, she realized it wasn’t.
Human Derwin hadn’t disappeared from Lord. In fact, it made no sense to say he could disappear—because they were the same being.
She didn’t know why he had lost his memory and lived as if it were just play. She didn’t know why he coldly dismissed that time as nothing more than a fleeting game. But one thing was certain: the human Derwin who had loved her still existed in this world.
Sometimes she heard it—honorifics slipping unconsciously from his lips, the way he used to speak to her when he was human.
Sometimes she saw it—in his instinctive worry and attempts to protect her whenever she was hurt or in danger, however small.
Most of all, she felt it—in his gaze whenever she seemed close with Eleusis, in words and actions that could only have come from jealousy.
Her instincts told her clearly: human Derwin still lived within him.
Yet even after realizing it, she hadn’t approached. Because even if human Derwin remained, it didn’t matter if Lord denied it. His will to hold the line he had drawn between them had always seemed firm.
So why should she, who had already been hurt by his cruel words, be the one to step forward?
In fact, she had been angry. Angry that he had drawn such a clear line forbidding her to cross—yet he himself kept crossing it without realizing.
That’s why she thought, at first, that keeping her distance and treating things as if it were only a game between humans was the best way to forget him quickly.
But the fact that he had been treating her injuries night after night all this time… showed it wasn’t unconscious. It was a choice. A deliberate act of will, done for her sake.
And just now she realized—it wasn’t only for the sake of her dragon heart. Her heart trembled violently under the weight of a deep, unmistakable emotion.
“You… you already failed long ago. You know that, don’t you? You kept showing me your feelings.”
“……”
“How do you think that made me feel? My heart was already shredded by your cold words, and then I’d catch glimpses of your emotions—forcing me into confusion, forcing me to deny all my thoughts and feelings, tearing myself apart just to endure.”
Her hand dropped weakly from his chest. It was such a small gesture, but Derwin felt as though the invisible thread connecting their dragon hearts had snapped.
“Since becoming a Sacred Dragon, I’d planned to destroy the dragon heart connected to yours. I didn’t want to spend my long life as your mate.”
“……”
“But… I’ll give you one last chance. A chance to be completely honest. A chance to repair what’s broken between us.”
“……”
“You… you were the human Derwin who loved me, weren’t you?”
Through the slightly open window, a cold night breeze drifted in, carrying the scent of darkness. A few strands of his black hair swayed in the wind.
Derwin’s lips, sealed tight and frozen while she spoke, slowly moved.
“Was human Derwin… such a precious existence to you? So much that you still can’t let go?”
It wasn’t the answer she had asked for. But Chanellica thought it was still meaningful—because it wasn’t laced with denial or bitterness.
“To the human Derwin who once wavered in fear, I said this: even if you weren’t Lord, I’d still like you.”
Her small red lips spoke words from a time when she had been happy.
“What I meant then was that I could never separate the two of you. And that hasn’t changed.”
The more she spoke, the deeper his black eyes seemed to grow.
“Lord, you once told me that human Derwin no longer existed. So I tried to believe that. But the truth is, you can’t be divided that way. Human Derwin, who lacked memories as a dragon, and Lord Derwin, who discarded his human past as nothing but memory—they’re both the same to me.”
“……”
“So don’t deny it anymore. Don’t hide. Be honest with me.”
All the while she spoke, Derwin’s heavy emotions pressed against her. That tangled mass of feelings was so knotted she doubted it could ever be unraveled enough to see what lay within.
What made you so complicated? What was it that twisted us like this?
At least she could clearly read one thing among the chaos—his lingering tenderness. But she knew waiting in silence wouldn’t be enough. If she didn’t reach out first, he would retreat again into the shadows of his feelings.
“If it’s too hard, then think of just one thing. Our dragon hearts are bound together. By your choice.”
She placed both hands over her chest. Though it looked human, inside was condensed power of the dragon heart.
“I don’t know why you asked me to be your mate when I’d just been born into this world. But that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is our future.”
“……”
“Do you really want to sever this bond between us?”
She stepped closer and held out her hand. Now it was only his decision. Would Derwin conquer his tangled emotions and come toward her—or step back and hide?
One second. Two seconds. Three…
A trivial moment in the span of a dragon’s life, but to Chanellica waiting for his response, it felt like thousands of years.
She didn’t know how much time passed. Only that her human heart was racing too wildly to keep count.
“……”
So it really won’t work, then.
The moonlight illuminating his face grew dim and blurred. That alone told her far too much time had already passed. Her hope wilted.
The intense emotions she had felt from him earlier were no longer there. Not because they had vanished, but because the connection of their dragon hearts had been cut.
Her head, which had been lifted toward him for so long, slowly dropped. Her heart felt as if countless sandstorms had swept through it—leaving nothing behind but dryness and cruelty.
It would take a long time to gather herself again.
She mocked herself inwardly. Tears pricked her eyes, but there was nothing more she could do.
“…Go. Just go.”
With a desolate heart, she forced out the words she didn’t want to say.
It’s really over now.
Just as Chanellica turned away—
“Lady Chanellica.”
A voice brushed her ear like an illusion. Her eyes widened at the familiar address—one spoken months ago by the man who had once loved her so fiercely.
“…Did you really call me that?”
Whoosh.
She spun around, searching for the owner of that voice.
