Chapter 31
. I Won’t Say
Late at night, at the Cartel Mansion.
Derwin got out of the carriage with a grim expression. Dealing with a problem in the palace guard had made him leave work so late that he couldn’t even have dinner.
He probably ate dinner alone.
He had sent word in advance, so she likely didn’t wait for him. But what occupied Derwin’s mind now wasn’t whether Shanelica had eaten dinner.
Earlier that day, he had seen Shanelica at the palace’s central dining hall with Stern.
“That’s Shanel and Sir Stern. They still seem close,”
Lydia had said with a hint of envy, but Derwin hadn’t heard her. Seeing Stern cut food and feed it to Shanelica with a smile stirred something hot inside him. And seeing Stern deliberately glance at him made Derwin feel as if something he was barely holding together was on the verge of snapping.
In such a situation, lunch had gone by without much of a meal. Derwin had been so preoccupied with the two of them, with Lydia sitting across from him, that he had let lunchtime slip by.
“You’re still not close with Sir Stern, are you?”
Watching Derwin barely eat, Lydia said. She seemed to think Derwin was uncomfortable because Stern had suddenly appeared in the palace dining hall. But Derwin didn’t respond. He didn’t care what Lydia thought.
Sure enough, after lunch, Derwin’s mind was filled only with images of the two of them being close—so much so that he barely remembered what he had been doing.
Damn it.
Derwin stopped at the entrance, feeling suffocated, as if his chest were clogged.
He needed some fresh air.
He stepped outside again and sat on a bench that overlooked the garden. Summer was approaching, and even the night breeze was gentle.
“Hoo…”
Unable to clear his stifling thoughts, Derwin took a deep breath and exhaled.
He had never felt this way about anyone before. Yet, he vaguely knew what society might call this feeling.
At first, he had doubted himself. Perhaps his feelings for Shanelica were merely a sense of duty. But gradually, his thoughts of her became something special. When he wasn’t seeing her, he wanted to; when he was, he wanted to stay together. It even made him uncomfortable to see her with another man; he wished she would only smile at him.
This feeling had steadily grown. No matter how unfamiliar it was, Derwin wasn’t foolish enough not to recognize the emotion shaking him from head to toe.
But he couldn’t express it. He worried that confessing now might backfire.
Shanelica believed she was truly a dragon sent to the human world for “play,” and that she would have to leave after half a year or so. Therefore, Derwin intended to maintain a certain distance with her until time made everything clear.
A bitter laugh escaped him. Dragons or not, he wasn’t a Dragon Lord. He pretended to believe her in front of Shanelica, but honestly, he didn’t believe she was a dragon either. And yet he was putting everything on hold because of these absurd ideas.
Derwin’s ideal scenario was simply for Shanelica to realize, in time, that he was an ordinary human. When that day came, he wanted to convey his feelings and pull her into his arms.
Even as he steeled himself with that thought, anxiety began to creep in. He feared that someone might take that lovely woman away in less than a year.
And the fact that the other person was Stern only made Derwin more anxious. He feared a repeat of past events.
“What are you doing?”
A clear, refreshing voice rang beside him, making his throbbing head ease slightly.
Derwin turned to see Shanelica sitting beside him in a simple dress. The moment their eyes met, she smiled gently, and his heart beat uncontrollably once again.
“…Cooling my head.”
“You got home late today. Was it a busy day?”
“And what brings you here at this hour, Lady?”
“I came down when I saw you sitting here.”
Could she be waiting for me? The thought made him hopeful. Shanelica’s gaze shifted from him to the night sky.
“The moon is beautiful.”
The moon hung in the sky, neither full nor crescent, just a vague half-moon glowing softly.
Lady, you are even more beautiful, Derwin muttered internally. Under the moonlight, her light pink hair looked like pure white silk, and her flawless skin seemed to glow with a translucent radiance.
Beyond beauty, there was a sense of untouchable nobility. At this moment, Derwin felt an overwhelming sacred aura from Shanelica.
“What kind of life do you want to live from now on?”
Shanelica asked abruptly.
“What do you mean?”
“Humans have goals in life, right?”
Goals… had he ever had one?
“Not particularly.”
“Really? How strange.”
But Derwin thought perhaps he had found one now—he just couldn’t say it yet because everything was uncertain.
“I hope you’ll remain happy even if I leave.”
Another unexpected statement. Derwin’s face hardened.
“Why do you suddenly say that?”
“Just… thinking that I won’t be here in a year. We’ll probably be looking at this beautiful moon from different places by then…”
Was that a hint of regret on her face?
It seemed so. But what it pertained to was unclear. Moreover, Derwin didn’t want to accept her words. If he pretended to believe her, it might become a reality.
“…We could be together.”
Derwin spoke quietly. Shanelica looked at him, puzzled.
“Didn’t you say I’m your partner?”
“Ah.”
Shanelica’s expression turned ambiguous.
“That could happen, yes. But that partner isn’t the you of now.”
What kind of being did she mean by ‘partner’ to say such a thing? She seemed certain that even if Derwin regained the Dragon’s memory, he would not stay with her.
“What was your partner… the Dragon Lord… like?”
For the first time, Derwin asked about the Dragon Lord. It was likely a product of her imagination, but he still wanted to know.
“Hmm… What were they like?”
Shanelica’s eyes lit up momentarily. It felt strange—her gaze was on Derwin, but it seemed as if she were looking at someone else.
“…I won’t say.”
The moment she spoke, she averted her gaze. But in that instant, Derwin saw a sparkle in her eyes he had never seen before—beautiful enough to make him covet it.
“Please tell me.”
“I can’t. If you regain your memory, that ‘partner’ I was going to talk about will learn my thoughts.”
Shanelica seemed bashful, and Derwin felt something inside him crumble.
So the one he needed to be wary of was… a Dragon Lord who didn’t even exist. Stern wasn’t the problem. Shanelica’s expression wasn’t much different from Lydia’s when she looked at him. He understood without words how she viewed this so-called Dragon Lord.
“Lady Shanelica, why not just live as a human?”
Derwin felt jealousy—for an illusion he didn’t even know the appearance of.
“Huh?”
“Continue your play. You and I, without returning to our true forms, just live as humans.”
Derwin’s expression was serious.
“Isn’t this human life… not bad? You can do as you like, and I can stay by your side.”
Shanelica tilted her head, confused by his sudden suggestion.
“That won’t work.”
Her response was immediate, firm.
“Why not?”
“I’ll become a True Dragon soon, and for that, I must undergo the True Dragon ceremony.”
“….”
“Becoming a True Dragon and meeting God is my goal.”
“….”
“Also, the Dragon Lord who regains his memory won’t want it.”
Her resolve was unwavering. Derwin could say nothing in response.
“So even if you’re beautiful, I mustn’t fall for you!”
Shanelica said with a laugh. Though joking, Derwin’s heart seemed to drop. He had already fallen—how could he not?
“…You should go inside now.”
Derwin didn’t respond and stood up. He had reached a conclusion. As he had first thought, he would have to wait for the moment Shanelica discovered he wasn’t a dragon to lay everything on the line.
All he could rely on was time.
Derwin forced himself to suppress the urge to pull Shanelica into his arms immediately.
“Shanel! Shanel!”
As soon as Shanelica entered the princess’s room, Lydia rushed toward her.
“What is it, Lydia?”
Shanelica had just come to teach Garion, but Lydia was unusually excited.
“You’re dating Sir Stern, right? Is it true?”
Lydia pressed her face close, determined to get an answer. Shanelica’s gaze naturally fell on Derwin standing in the corner.
Why am I looking at him? That man has lost his memory—he’s human, not a Lord. Even if he were, it wouldn’t matter; I’m still in my play.
Shanelica scolded herself for glancing at Derwin repeatedly. Luckily, he wasn’t looking her way at all.
“Shanel!”
“Ah. That’s not true.”
Passing the excited Lydia, Shanelica walked to the desk and sat down.
“Not true? But the rumor’s all over!”
“Rumor?”
“Several people saw you looking friendly with Sir Stern in the palace dining hall yesterday. I saw it, and so did Derwin.”
Shanelica laughed lightly.
“We’re like siblings. Yesterday was just a joke from the captain.”
“Are you the only one who thinks that?”
“Really not.”
Still unconvinced, Lydia frowned, and Shanelica whispered in her ear:
“The look the captain gives me is completely different from the way you look at that knight.”
“Sh-Shanel!”
Lydia blushed. Despite being hurt when she had given Derwin a gift, she still liked him. So even when Shanelica teased her, she didn’t mind.
And what Shanelica just said was true. Stern may have claimed to like her, but she didn’t believe it. She thought that’s just normal closeness, not affection.
Yesterday had been too sudden. She didn’t know what caused the captain to act that way. But if he truly liked her…
Shanelica stared at Lydia, wondering if people expressed love differently. But Lydia’s feelings were so obvious—so different from the captain.
Love was complicated.
“Pfft.”
The word ‘love’ felt strange on her lips, making her laugh. Stern hadn’t confessed or asked her out—he only sought attention.
Shanelica realized she needed to clarify her position since she would be leaving in a few months. Even if Stern liked her, he wouldn’t recklessly confess.
So she waited for Derwin to come home at night before speaking, reminding herself not to fall for him. Derwin was only a human for a few more months; she needed to maintain their current distance.
“It’s a shame. I thought Shanel would marry before me.”
“…Dating means marriage immediately?”
“Are we at that age for marriage?”
Lydia’s face looked disappointed, and Shanelica could only smile.
“Shanel, this isn’t the time to study.”
“Huh?”
“Today, our brother is holding a small gathering and wants you to come with me!”
“Brother?”
“The king of this country.”
Shanelica recalled the king, who didn’t have the best reputation—forcing marriages on younger siblings with foreign princes, according to Lydia.
“You’ve never met him, right? He’s very handsome.”
Despite that, Lydia’s voice was full of affection when speaking of her brother.
“But why me…?”
Shanelica asked reluctantly.
“When I said I had a friend, our brother wanted to meet you. Let’s get ready. My maids will help with your attire.”
At her words, several maids rushed into the princess’s room, surrounding Shanelica.
